Washing wars - division of duties

[Grumpyaboutchristmas]

We both work. I do fewer hours but all the childcare. Partner out often for all children's waking hours so I'm on my own jobs wise. Also took time out when kids tiny so there remains an assumption about the responsibility for things like washing.

We've had a busy week. This morning child 2 (who goes through pants like the clappers) ran out of pants. found her a pair in my handbag but asked partner to put on a wash as I'm taking kids out shortly.

Just seen wash on - it's only half full, and contains (wait for it) the old picnic blanket at the bottom of the basket, a couple of tea towels and not much else. Aibu to think this is just stupid behaviour? Or do I have to sit him down like some sort of man child and teach him to separate the basket into piles - seriously?

Note to parents of boys - please teach your boys the basics. That a middle aged man can't competently put on a wash is just an outrage.

Euphemia

You either have the world's biggest washing machine or really really clean children.

We do a load every day, sometimes two. We couldn't physically do it just once a week!

I do laundry once a week, but it's about 9 loads.

No pants and tea towels in togethete here either. I am horribly fussy over what goes in with what so the way I ensure a fairish division of labour over the laundry is that I'll announce what type of load I'm washing and all members of the family have to bring down their clothes that fit in that category and put in front of the machine. Then I stick the load on and dh or I will hang it on the airer when it's done. He is generally better at putting clean clothes away than me. I couldn't say to him "can you do some washing" it would have to be "can you wash the school uniform skirts and trousers and dark t shirts and black socks and undies" or "can you wash the white towels and sheets on a 60 degrees cottons wash". If he lived on his own the washing would of course get done but not to my exacting standards.

I could wash once a week,if I used the 30 min cycle and started about 7am and kept going until roughly midnight

IMO part of sharing labour in the home equally means accepting that your partner might do things differently to you. You can't say that you want household tasks to be shared equally AND say oh my DH does X household task wrong, so I have to teach him... If you say the latter you're essentially assuming responsibility and taking charge of the household tasks. Fine if that's what you want, but it's not compatible with sharing the burden 50/50.

Some people aren't very good domestically, I have friends who run rings round me and I'm a sahm of 25 years.
Some men will feign incompetence but not all, some are rubbish at it and need more practice
my lads had to be able to do it all at an early age, I'm not at all worried for their future dws.
My dd on the other hand, is not very good at all.
Get your kids motivated to be independent at an early age and up the responsibility as they grow. Once they have shown they can do it you can drop back a bit and let them resume childhood.
I can't be bothered in everyone having to keep to the highest standard, just get the jobs done.

I don't wash clothes (inc. pants) and towels together. Towels/tea towels/napkins get washed on a hotter wash than clothes.

Unless you're going for a picnic tomorrow, your DH was dim to wash it first when there were lots of more commonly used items in the basket. First priority goes to what will be needed soonest. Was he in a completely different part of the house and oblivious to the Desperate Hunt for Pants?

It sounds like he shoved the biggest thing in there to fill the machine up quickly.

I wash underwear and socks together on hot. I wash towels in hot, too, but they don't get fabric softener, so they are washed in loads of just towels. Everything else gets fabric softener.