To mention not getting a birthday gift?

[Mrbluethecatt]

Sorry, I need to give some context.

It's my older brother's significant birthday next month. He lives in a different country to most of our family (by choice). He has been making a big song and dance about his birthday since last year. He has been reminding people and even suggested that we start saving. He is going on a month's holiday with his DW afterwords and is treating himself to a new car. Which is great for him, he can do what he likes.

Initially wanted the whole family to fly out for dinner. Just dinner with us staying at a hotel. It would be a 3 hour mid week flight for 10 including 3 primary school children.

It would have been too expensive and hard to arrange leave for most of us so he has decided to come here as part of a long trip. He has already sent a list of preferred gifts to everyone. Cheapest one is £100. He expects to be taken out for dinner as well as a gift. He has been saying how important birthdays are and how we need to celebrate them.

Now the aibu. It was my birthday on Monday. It wasn't a significant one. I received no phonecall, text, card or gift from my brother on the day or since. I usually call him on a Sunday so not hearing from him during the week is normal.

Part of me wants to mention my birthday and his lack of marking it, especially given his expectations for his birthday. Aibu to mention anything about it?

What does he normally do for your birthday?

Get him exactly what he got you...nothing and tell him so. You might want to throw in one of those really cringey age marked cards taking the piss out of getting older.

Sorry for the delay.

I spoke to my brother this afternoon. DSS had spoken to him first and had mentioned my birthday and all the cards I got. DSS said his (my brother's) might have got lost as it hadn't arrived. My brother told him no he hadn't sent one.

When I spoke to him, he said he didn't think I was interested in birthdays anymore as I wasn't 'willing to celebrate his' in the way he wanted ie flying out. Which is why he didn't send anything. I just laughed at him and told him to get a grip. He was not happy. I told him that he was being Ott about his birthday and he was being daft. I said I didn't need anything from him and know now not to expect anything.

I had to take DSS to football so we hung up shortly after. Seriously my brother is such a child for a man turning 40.

My DB always makes a big song and dance about his birthday and what he wants. He starts phoning and texting about 3 months in advance to make sure I've not forgotten and to let me know what he likes/wants. When he starts this year I'll be telling him "You'll get the same as what you got me and the kids.... f* all!!". Whilst he annually demands particular gifts, he rarely even sends cards to any of us and if he bothers at all it's at least a week late. Not doing it again this year!

As 40 is a 'special' birthday I might buy someone a present when I normally wouldn't. However, I'd think sending out a list, especially one with such expensive items, was a bloody cheek. And if I was expecting people to book flights to visit me or to spend a lot on a present I'd make damn sure I at least sent them a card.

He sounds like a berk.

My siblings and I don't usually buy birthday presents for each other, following a previous mutual agreement that we would buy for the nieces and nephews only. For birthdays ending in zero, we might buy a bottle of champagne with nice card, but that's about it. I'd just ignore his requests TBH

Your brother is an arse.

And since he deliberately got you nothing, I would put 'treat others as you would be treated' into practice and assume he would want you to deliberately get him nothing.

Please tell the rest of your family about this, so that you can all laugh at him together. He'll hate that.

Is he usually like this? Is there something that could be making him behave like this? None of his same-age friends ill / died or anything?

OP has he bought you birthday gifts in the past?

I would tempted to get him a shit version of one of the things on his list. You see, you'll be getting him what he wanted but he won't enjoy as it's the WRONG THING but will sound petty complaining about it. Get the cheapest version you can find.