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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get DS to pay for his own P.E tops?

43 replies

cakedup · 08/10/2016 11:58

DS (11) has managed to lose two (of his only two) PE tops in the last couple of weeks. They are no-where to be found.

They cost £7 each and I have £30 to last me for a week. If he doesn't go to PE wearing them next week he gets detention.

AIBU to get DS to pay for it out of his own money? He has over a hundred pounds in piggy bank. Is it wrong to get him to pay for it or a good lesson?

OP posts:

CruCru · 08/10/2016 12:38

I had a thread in chat (so now gone) about sewing in name tapes. It got some mixed responses (although all the people who sent their kids to boarding school considered name tapes to be ESSENTIAL) but I am now a convert. I get DS's name in red lettered name tapes so it really stands out.

therootoftheroot · 08/10/2016 12:39

3.99 rather

APlaceOnTheCouch · 08/10/2016 12:40

Let him pay for it. It's a good lesson to learn.
MUjunkie I share your pain about pens and pencils. I feel like I am buying them all the time and yet DS never has any . . .or erasers . . .or rulers. I bought him a fab ruler that matched the topic they were studying at school and then it was never seen again.

therootoftheroot · 08/10/2016 12:40

i work in a school and stuff goes missing ALL THE TIME

so many people spend a fortune on logoed jumpers etc and then don't name them-it's staggering

we have a lost property box full of stiff-jumpers, coats{!} shoes, p.e kits bags, lunch boxes -everything you can think of and 99% of it is unlabellled

MotherDuckSaid · 08/10/2016 12:45

i will be making my son pay for his millionth lost item next time, WHY have i not thought of it before !
Very valuable lesson, bet my ass he wont lose the one he pays for !

Gileswithachainsaw · 08/10/2016 12:47

Are you sure it's not stolen?

I mean it's in a kit bag surely then changed into then back into the bag when could he lose it.

It's not like a jumper that gets tied around a waist ajd falls off or gets put down some where.

MUjunkie · 08/10/2016 12:56

MotherDuckSaid it works like a charm! I think the selling of the Xbox game is what burned it into his brain! What a cruel mother! Genius!

2kids2dogsnosense · 08/10/2016 13:09

Are they lost or have they been taken? He isn't being bullied is he?

Explain to the school that two tops have gone awry in as many weeks and ask if he can be lent one until you can afford another. (They'll have a box of them somewhere - his might even be in there.)

therootoftheroot · 08/10/2016 13:17

the changing rooms are usually packed and things get stuffed into the wrong bags, shoved under benches etc

teachers then sometimes pick them up and put them in different places-i remember ds losing two p.e tops and them not being in lost property. they had ended up in the p.e office because a teacher had found them and put them to one side to hand back.

i emailed the p.e teacher and asked for help and he then foun them in the office. maybe worth a try?

we also lost a whole kit once-football boots, trainers everything. that ended up on top of a cupboard in the maths room. i went in after school and got a visitors pass and got ds to retrace his steps with me.

Moonpuddle · 08/10/2016 13:46

DS kept loosing expensive school baseball caps at school (overseas) and insisting it wasn't his fault and they were being nicked. I was sceptical to say least.... Eventually I ended up writing his name in permanent marker on the outside of the cap and he never lost one again.

BarbarianMum · 08/10/2016 14:15

Ds1 in nt but very dreamy and forgetful. He was constantly loosing stuff and forgetting to look for it, or being unable to find it (although when I went in I seemed able to turn it up again).
After his 10th birthday we started making him pay for lost possessions. He had to buy a new watch, a new jumper and a new pair of jeans in the first 6 months which pretty much wiped him out financially. Since then he has become loads better - both at keeping track of his possessions and retrieving stuff he's left somewhere. He hasn't permanently lost anything in over 8 months now.
We did feel mean doing it but honestly it was costing us a fortune and it was such a waste and caused such a lot of bad feeling. And now he's getting old enough for a phone, Ipod etc I'm really pleased we cracked down earlier.

SheldonCRules · 08/10/2016 14:24

I have a friend who makes her child use their pocket money to replace lost items. Poor child came home in tears after forgetting to pick up a pencil case in a rush at last lesson and needed to replace herself as that was her allowance gone for a few weeks.

Will it make her more careful, maybe. Will it make her petrified of telling her mum she lost something, certainly.

We all lose things occasionally. Starting year 7 is a huge deal after primary and things get lost. Some turn up, some don't. Hard enough negotiating secondary without being paranoid of losing stuff.

Original poster

cakedup · 08/10/2016 15:12

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost how could I be sure whether it was stolen or not?

Thing is Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost we have to clothe our dc anyway, so what difference does it make anyway? I'd say school uniform is usually cheaper than ordinary clothes. But I think the rule of smart shoes is stupid, kids should be able to wear trainers to school. I don't really see the point of the tie and blazer either.

MUjunkie can you imagine if we came back from work every day going "oh I've lost my handbag/jacket/purse/oyster card/etc"?!!

i'm going to give the school a call and see if I can go in and have a search as well Goingtobeawesome. Thing is, DS told the PE teacher he'd lost his PE top and the PE teacher said he'd have a look in lost property for him. He said "was is it a small or medium?" DS, who actually has NO idea what size shirt he wears guessed "medium" to which his PE teacher replied "no, we have no mediums here." 1) The PE top is size 12-13, not sure what that is classed as 2) doesn't sound like the PE really bothered to look. DS then said instead of detention, he was made to clear up the PE room and looked for it then too. So, I'm wondering, after both DS and PE teacher have 'looked' for his PE tops, am I just going to walk in and find it within 45 seconds?

Ok thanks for the tip therootoftheroot looks like I'm going to have upgrade the uniform labelling now he is at secondary school.

OP posts:

Original poster

cakedup · 08/10/2016 15:28

And thanks for the link therootoftheroot. I really don't get parents not labelling stuff, it's mind boggling. Right, I'm going to tell the school he's had two tops and the rest of one PE kit gone missing, I can't afford a replacement, and can I come in and have a look for them. ended up on top of a cupboard in the maths room yes you see, DS would not think to look there. In fact he tells me he can't find stuff all the time and it takes me 3 secs to find it.

CruCru well I am going to write on the label as well so it will just be an extra measure. Why did it get mixed responses and what other alternatives are there?

For those of you saying are you sure it's not stolen, how would I know? And worrying to know it might be linked to bullying. He is finding school very difficult so we are constantly addressing this, I'm sure he'd tell me if he was being bullied. However, as he is not in the 'cool' gang, someone might have thought it was funny to hide his kit as a one off. Who knows?

BarbarianMum DS has an iphone but I think he pretty much guards it with his life. I have already told him that if he looses that (it was a present) I won't be able to replace it.

SheldonCRules I know what you mean and I wouldn't crack down that heavily. When DS told me he'd lost his PE stuff I didn't tell him off, more of a "awww DS" disappointed vibe and he kept apologising. He asked if I was angry and I said no not angry, just could do without the extra expense. He then offered to pay for it out of his own pocket money and I said "we'll see".

OP posts:

CruCru · 08/10/2016 17:58

Quite a few posters got rather cross at the idea of someone sewing in name tapes - others said that it was completely necessary.

This week my husband realised that he'd dropped my son's jumper on the bus. The next day, the father of a child in his class handed it over - he'd found it on the bus and noticed the label. Which is rather a result.

Some posters recommended iron in labels (my son's school have asked us not to use these) and some others recommended Stikins.

I use name tapes (sewn in) on the collar / waistband and Stikins on the care label. I bought 240 mixed labels (so 120 white and 120 silver) - the silver are useful for school bag / calculator etc. However, this was £18.50 so realistically you won't be buying those while you only have £30.

paxillin · 08/10/2016 18:07

Yes, make him pay for the replacement. You've bought 2, allowing for accidental loss. You'll be amazed how good he gets at a) not losing his stuff and b) finding it in lost property if he does lose it.

BowieFan · 08/10/2016 18:10

YANBU. My DC know if they lose something for school, it comes out of their piggy bank. We can afford not to do this but we want them to learn the value of money and why you should look after your belongings. It's only happened once to one of my twins, when he lost his football boots at school. Neither of them have lost anything since...

Rolypoly · 08/10/2016 18:20

My son lost two entire p.e. kits including trainers in his first term at secondary. Everything was well labelled with tags and I was assured he had checked thoroughly in the changing rooms and lost property. I got him up on a Saturday morning and schlepped into town to get the third one. This was as much a punishment as paying for it (he contributed half the cost from his savings) as he hates shopping. He didn't lose that one! The next term we were allowed to check the lost property cupboard during parents' evening. You've guessed it - within three seconds I spotted the two missing kits.

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