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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my 3 year old should be able to participate in this club?

56 replies

JonahAndTheSale · 08/10/2016 08:58

I've just started bringing my 3 year old to a 'tots' sport club - once a week for age 2-5's.

He really seems to not enjoy it. He likes the bit where they play monster/treasure/pirate games and warm ups or cool down but he behaves very strangely during the actual 'skill' teaching.

For example yesterday he just sat down in the middle of the hall and looked so sad Sad. He was crying loudly and then he went and sat in the corner.

I'm really wondering what to do here? My first reaction is, he's only 3 and still so young. I hated sport growing up but dh is v sporty so maybe he's taking after me?

Ds kept showing that he wanted to go to McDonald's! Blush we've been to McDonald's about 5 times in his life and then it's just for fries, no drinks, no burgers etc. We do other fast food, the children love pizza so I'm not against McDonald's but it was so bizarre.

I don't really know what I want from mumsnet on this!

Just wondering would or could your 3 year old have went to a 45 minute club and joined in or am I expecting too much?

My 20 month old dd enjoyed the club more and she was trying to copy the other toddlers even though she is technically too young to be there.

I'm also worried that because I didn't take ds to toddler groups and I opted out of nursery full time (goes 2 days a wee) that he's missed out on the team/social thing.

He had absolutely no sense of embarrassment that all the other kids were joining in and he was having a meltdown.

Feel free to be honest!

OP posts:
diddl · 08/10/2016 09:37

How long does the teaching bit go on for, and what are they teaching?

I'm in my 50s & wouldn't like it!

It's great that he enjoys the other bits.

normage · 08/10/2016 09:50

Sounds like a stressful time for you and your ds. He's showing you quite clearly he's not enjoying it. I wouldn't draw any long term conclusions at this age. They are all unique and do things when they're ready. Your ds can no doubt do things that other dcs his age are not ready to do yet. Enjoy the stage you're at. If it ain't fun, don't go. There'll be loads of opportunities when he's older. There's a lot of pressure put on parents now to take up full time nursery places and enrol their dcs in clubs at very young ages, when they are just not ready for structure.

wheresthel1ght · 08/10/2016 09:55

I disagree that 45 mins is a long time. My dd has been doing an hours ballet class without me since she was 2.5 without issues. The first couple of weeks she struggled with the routine of the class but she quickly got used to it.

If he is enjoying the playing bit but not the instructing bit it may be the wrong sort of class or he may just need longer to adjust. Do the people running it have an issue with his behaviour?

Aeroflotgirl · 08/10/2016 10:19

wheres for most 2-3 years, 45 mins is a long time!

toomuchtooold · 08/10/2016 10:28

Nah, mine would not have been into that at 3. At 4 and a bit they now happily do a 45min music and movement class but I still had to sit in the corner like a fool for the first two sessions, with DD1 hanging off my leg.

Witchend · 08/10/2016 10:29

Don't take him.
Two of mine loved clubs from the oft and would happily do any signed up to. My third isn't generally interested.

Couchpotato3 · 08/10/2016 10:33

He didn't hate all of it - there were bits he liked. It might be worth trying again and not pushing him to do the bits he dislikes. FWIW I took my son to a music class for a couple of years pre-school and he loved all the sitting down activities but utterly refused to join in anything that involved standing up and moving around. He grew up to be a fine musician, so sitting out half of his music club when he was tiny had no discernible effect!

OhFuds · 08/10/2016 10:36

My DS started Taekwondo (well more game type things than actual Tkd) at 3, he's been doing it for a year and has always joined in with everything. I have seen other new starts come and go as they didn't want to join in, constantly wanted mum to hold their hand etc.

My DD turns 3 next month and I don't think I'm going to join her up just yet as she's still at the tantrum stage/scream if anyone looks at her the wrong way/needs me for everything so for her it would be pointless.

ppeatfruit · 08/10/2016 10:52

As a pp said, everyone (including babies and young children ) is different, please don't compare your ds with your dd , that's unfair and unkind.

We all develop at different ages and prefer different things. Relax Grin

ppeatfruit · 08/10/2016 10:53

Yes YABU

user1471545174 · 08/10/2016 10:57

I don't get people forcing kids to do activities they don't enjoy. There are plenty of things he will enjoy.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 08/10/2016 11:02

Don't worry about it. Every class we have ever attended there has been at least one DS clinging to a parent. Sometimes it was DS; sometimes it wasn't!
If it's making you stressed then don't go. There's lots of time for clubs and there will be ones that your DC will genuinely enjoy.
At 3, DS loved a mini-kickers club and a taekwondo class but it honestly felt like a lot of things had to align for it to work eg nice friendly teacher; DS being in the right mood; class pitched exactly at their level, etc. But he didn't like gymboree and he cried at tennis.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/10/2016 11:04

DD used to go to a trampolining thing at around 4, she enjoyed the first bits but hated the rest (she bravely tried it but I could tell by her face she wasn't happy). I (quite ashamedly looking back now), used to get a bit peeved, all the others were happily bouncing around. In the end, she told me in the car one morning she didn't want to go with tears in her eyes. We never went back (but did start swimming instead, not lessons but just a splash around). Funnily enough she now loves it at school!!! Some little ones just find it too overwhelming and scary and are better off at home making cakes and play doh. Try again in a year perhaps, they change so much between 3 and 4/4.5.

2ndSopranos · 08/10/2016 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 11:10

If he wants to go and looks forward to going, take him. He's 3 and he doesn't have to act how the adults expect him to act to enjoy the class.

My dd wanted to go to ballet classes when she was little and she was ok in the baby classes at 4. I stayed a couple of times to settle her and then left her thereafter. At 5, she changed teachers and was a bit frightened of the teacher. We did the controlled separation where I would stay and leave after x number of minutes and then not come in at all after a certain number of weeks. She couldn't cope even though she desperately wanted to do it. In the end, she stopped for a year and a half and went back aged 7. Now at 8, she's practically pushing me out the door.

All this to say, we do things at our children's pace. Perhaps I could have made the same "not sporty" statements about my dd aged five yet now aged eight she does 4 different sport 5/6 times a week.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/10/2016 11:12

And it's rather like children's parties. Some children when they are 4/5/6 will thoroughly enjoy a birthday party even though they spent the whole time sitting on their parents laps. Your ds will do things at his own pace and faster for not trying to push him.

ppeatfruit · 08/10/2016 11:14

Interesting the swimming thing. I wouldn't 'force' that either. I wonder if you know 2ndsoprano That statistically more swimmers than non swimmers die in water related accidents because the swimmers take more risks.

Excited101 · 08/10/2016 11:16

Ah, keep going- he'll probably get there, especially if he talks positively about wanting to go. Many young children take a while to get used to groups and clubs, especially if it's a new thing.

Benedikte2 · 08/10/2016 11:23

My mother enrolled me in a dancing/gymnastics class at 3 and I hated it -- was basically too shy and didn't really understand what I was supposed to do so I sat down and just watched. DM returned to find I wasn't participating and pulled me out. No second chance and I was punished. At 7 a repeat with piano lessons. I was just not ready for it and would have coped and enjoyed it later.
I think most parents are more enlightened today and judge when their DC are ready to enjoy a new activity.
OP give your DS another taster in a year's time and he can start with his younger sister.

Balletgirlmum · 08/10/2016 11:26

Dd would have been fine. DS would have had a complete meltdown.

ilongforlustre · 08/10/2016 11:37

I wonder when all these classes for 3 year olds appeared?

Honestly OP, I work with 2, 3 and 4 year olds. Without exception they learn more from child led, open ended play than they ever learn from adult led activities. When leading an activity, sport, craft whatever, if I can hold them for 10 minutes its a good day! 45 minutes?? Good grief my 2 have trampoline classes that last that long and I'd say it's enough... they are 9 and 12 and the youngest has his stubborn moments now.

manicinsomniac · 08/10/2016 11:38

My 2.5 year old does a ballet class and a gymnastics class, both of which she loves. BUT a) they're both 30 minutes long (I think the extra 15 minutes would make a huge difference) and b) she's got much older sisters who she sees doing hours and hours of this kind of thing and she wants to copy.

If she cried regularly or didn't like it I would try again at 3 then at 5 then at 7. Some children (ime as a performing arts teacher) aren't ready for structured classes until 7 or 8 then suddenly 'get it' and become amazing - just as, if not better, than those who started as toddlers. You don't need to have young children training in a skill unless they enjoy it; they can catch up later without a problem.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 08/10/2016 11:46

It very much depends on the individual child.

DS1 was doing a 90 minute sports session at the age of 3 (nearly 4) and was absolutely fine. I didn't start DS2 on the same session until he was nearly 5 as I know he wouldn't have been able to concentrate for that length of time.

If your son gets genuinely distressed at the 'teaching' part then he's not ready for the class just yet. I would look for a 30/45 minute session where the emphasis is purely on fun, music and movement etc. Both my boys enjoyed a Jo Jingles type of class when they were 2 or 3.

Not sure what the relevence is re: comment about McDonalds and the fact you've only been there 5 times for chips.

bruffin · 08/10/2016 11:58

Interesting the swimming thing. I wouldn't 'force' that either. I wonder if you know 2ndsoprano That statistically more swimmers than non swimmers die in water related accidents because the swimmers take more risks.

That is a meaningless statement, really depends how those figures are made up

More swimmers may die than non swimmers but if say take a 100 people. Non swimmer are 10 and swimmers are 90. 3 people die in water. 2 of them are swimmers and 1 is a non swimmer. Although the appears to me more swimmers dying, they are not more likely to die because only 2 in 90 ie 2.22% of swimmers die in water whereas 10% of non swimmers die in water

SpringerS · 08/10/2016 12:12

3 is too young, tbh, unless it's something he's showing an early passion for. I used to take DS to dance classes when he was 1 and he loved every minute of it. He was always right up front and centre and copied the teacher as much as he could. It was aimed at 1-4yos but he was by far and away the youngest one there as it is rare for a child so young to be that into a structured activity.

When he turned 3 he wanted to play football, so I took him to a few soccer mornings for 3-5yos and apart from playing one or two of the games, he mostly trotted about the edges doing his own thing. After a few weeks it was clear he wasn't getting too much out of it. (Especially as the last morning we went we got as far as the small toy area in the gym cafe and he refused to budge.) So we decided to stop taking him, he's nearly 4 now so we might give it another try soon. Though there is a trapeze and acrobatics class nearby that starts at 4 and I think we might have more success with that, so we might try that first as I don't want to overdo it with structured activities.

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