Feel like a fraud.

[IveNCforthis]

See username.
I met DH around a decade ago, we were both pretty broke when we moved in together, which was early on in the relationship (almost purely financially motivated but worked out well) I was the lower earner by about 5k pa. then DH lost his job, we were on our knees financially. DH ended up taking an apprentice position out of desperation, He was the lower earner for about 7 months or so, taking home 7k pa less than I was,we struggled, he Got the qualification he was working towards, stayed on with the company and got a decent hourly rate (about 1.30above minimum wage). The rest is history really, 4 years after that, the same year we got married, he opened his own business.
That business now does incredibly well, with multiple sites across the country, a very healthy turnover and profit.
But the trouble is, I helped with that, we share our finances and the like. But I still haven't progressed at the same level he has. We're relatively in the same kind of thing, kind of like waitressing vs chef work, different but closely related. I could work for his company but I choose not to, because I don't want anyone to be able to say I fucked my way to the top which has not and never has been true. I'm at team leader/supervisor level, close to getting an actual managerial role. yet DH is CEO, We have a 6 figure income, very little of that (20k) is down to me and if I lost my job tomorrow I'd never have to work again. But no one respects me. I love my job, I love my work, but people seem to take the attitude of ''awww some pocket money is it pet? how adorable'' some also think I got with DH for his money, untrue. I helped him get his money, I encouraged him to set up his own business, I helped him research, hire staff, do taxes. But before any business, or even his career line was thought of, we were going under financially. If I was out to gold dig I wouldn't have ever even looked at DH tbh.
But I'm not taken seriously by friends and family, co workers(sometimes even nosy strangers, even though I try not to mention money/careers in public)
I just feel so unrecognized, whereas people at similar standings career wise to me, who are single or have a partner with a similar career to them get some form of respect and recognition for their hard work. Ironically its made me want to just jack in work altogether, But I don't think I could cope being a ''lady of leisure'' as the judgement would only get far worse and I'd feel bored.
AIBU to just want to scream, and to ask for tips on how to handle this?
thanks for reading my little rant...

Personally I think it's sensible to work in a different business to your DH if possible. I think it could be terribly bad for a relationship if your husband was also your boss - lots of scope for things to go wrong, or as you say, resentment from colleagues. But I would just crack on with your own career. As a pp has said, you're not in the worst position in the world, so just try to ignore the bastards and look on the bright side.

Sorry, I wouldn't have any authority job role wise, that I DON'T have now.

You seem far too invested in what other people think of you. I doubt anyone else spends much time thinking about your finances at all.

My DH earns more than me now, I used to earn more than him, and probably will again. I don't talk about out finances with anyone, and neither know nor care about anyone else perception of us and our money. I have to wonder why you are telling people so much about your life that they are even able to form an opinion? Or why you care about that opinion?

I've explained why I care above, but its not that I care in the general sense, I care what certain people (Close friends and family) think and I also care (to a degree) about what some people I work with think, the latter is probably a bit of daftness on my part, But I like to stay on the good side of management and probably don't assert myself as well as I should when you consider that my personal life is not relevant to work at all but I wouldn't want to be seen as snubbing anyone, appropriately or otherwise, because well, they're dicks...
I don't talk intimately about my life at all, unless they're close enough for that to be the case, which is fair enough. some people guess or are very nosy (Or form incorrect judgement like in OP) if they see my car, for example, or if I'm asked about what DH got me for my birthday and I tell them truthfully (For my 25th, for example, it was a boat...) It can be a bit obvious, so I've taken to lying now but with some people they already know. It doesn't come up daily, or even weekly, but I'd say I get at least 1-2 comments per month, varying from what standing those people have in my life.

Well I do think that you don't come across as looking on the bright side. I mean, maybe someone raised their eyebrows when you said you got a boat for your birthday. But you also got a boat for your birthday!

Ultimately, I don't see how your DH's success can be holding you back from achieving what you want. So why not focus on that?

Well I have to admit, if I was making small talk to a colleague and they said they'd got a boat for their birthday, I'd be hard pressed to squish home my flapping jaw and probably would say something inappropriate.

Seriously it sounds as if you need to build your confidence up. Most of us I'm sure get remarks we don't want to hear at least once or twice a month. I work p/t and DS is 10 and it seems like lots of folks at my work and at home have unwanted opinions on how I could be a better employee/mother/wife.

People love talking about themselves I've found, so if anyone ever gets on to a topic I don't want to cover, swing it right back to them and compliment them on their dress or their hair or something.

Tbh I don't think there's a lot you can do about it. People who are judgy will judge. So do what you enjoy and stuff em.

Also dying to know what business your hubby runs

Or is the problem because he's progressed and you haven't?

Your over thinking this. Your placing way too much importance on your success vs your husbands and what everyone must think etc. People aren't constantly thinking about you and your success ya know. It will be a passing thought for most. Try to learn not to care what they think. There's more to who you are then hoe successful you are.

When I met DH he wasn't poor but he wasn't rich either. His career has kicked in massively and he now does really well financially. When I went back to work after DC was born a few snarky fuckers either implied he was so tight with money and was forcing me to go back or that I went back for pocket money. I ignore all these idiots. I suggest you do too. Even if you marry someone for money that is nobody's business but your own

As others have said it's not about what they think. You have to learn to tune it out. Justifying and explaining means you're opening up your life and finances for their perusal. Money is a funny thing and brings out huge jealousy in many people.

MIL once told me "there's no point going back to work with what you earn" (I teach) and I found it incredibly rude; she'd been discussing my income with her sisters who all had opinions on 'pin money'. The irony is that when I was at Uni my Dad and I did up a house together, split the profit and we've done nicely renovating houses as a little sideline ever since and had to lend DH a sizeable chunk of money a few year back to rescue his business. He's now out of the rough patch and earns a vast deal more than I ever will, but if MIL was to be believed you'd think I sit about eating curly wurlys and drinking gin while he grafts. Fortunately her opinions don't matter to me. You need to stop it mattering to you.

But your a team aren't you? You and dh...you have both done good. Its not a points scoring thing and a 'who done what'.Does it really matter who earns more, who gets respect and what other people think? I would just enjoy your life together and ignore the negativity.

Have you got kids ? You get given a bit of latitude until the baby is about 1 I found then it starts up again unless you have another one, but yeah I had it throughout my marriage too you learn to ignore it and now we are divorced it's damn clear who the driving force was but I wouldn't wish that on anyone

People will always judge. Fuck what they think, why do their opinions matter? Granted, it's bloody difficult, but you need to stop worrying about others think of you or it will continue to wear you down.