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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu about kitten overnight in carrier?

46 replies

Piiikaaaaachuuuuuu · 06/10/2016 15:05

I got a kitten for my partner, 9 weeks old, lovely. After we got home, i stayed up for an hour and went to bed, dp staying up to monitor him and pfc together. I expected to be up when he was getting to bed, but he went to bed way earlier than i expected, and when i got up for a midnight wee, found the kitten in the carrier. I went and got a mesh dog crate from under the bed and set the kitten up in it with a bed, tray and food/water. I stayed calm and tried to wake him up and tell him how it's absolutely unacceptable to leave a kitten that young for potentially 5 hours without food or water, or a litter tray, especially unmonitored? He loves the cat and is great with pfc, and has been very excited about having his own, as pfc was an adult when they met. He's researched loads about kittens, I just think it was a ridiculous oversight. He knew where the crate was, just didn't think of it.

Aibu to be seething inside, over what i think is essentially him having a huge oversight? If id have not got up, he would have been in there for 4 hours longer until my alarm went off. And would have felt awful for the kitten, and even more furious.

Simple mistake, but awful potential consequences :(

OP posts:

crayfish · 06/10/2016 16:10

Sleeping in shifts? Because of the kitten? You both sound like you could do with reading one of those 'my first cat' books they sell for kids at pets at home. Although you already have a cat which makes it even more surprising that you are both so clueless.

Madinche1sea · 06/10/2016 16:13

First of all, did you actually take a 9 week old kitten from its mother? Or was it a rescue kitten? Kittens are not ready to be separated from their mother until 12/13 weeks at the earliest. They are not properly weaned at 9 weeks.
When we got a kitten a month ago (he was 13 weeks old), I took him to bed with us. Your kitten is tiny and will need company and security at all times, especially if there is another cat in the house. With cats everything is about smell and they need time to adjust. You can by a "Feliway" plug- in scent to reduce anxiety in cats.
Please give him/ her lots of contact and company in these early weeks. They love cardboard boxes with an old fleece jumper or something. The night can be scary, so if you don't want the kitten in your bed, just take him/ her to your room in the box. It's only for a few weeks.

Original poster

Piiikaaaaachuuuuuu · 06/10/2016 16:13

I took it so young as the previous owners wanted it gone asap, I'd rather wait until 12 weeks but had no choice. Putting him in the big crate was probably a bad idea, I'll not do it again. I didn't really think it through, so I'll be sorting that asap.only taking in turns as partners sleep pattern has been opposite to mine anyway. Otherwise I'd have organised it better, i just thought he'd be more responsible.

OP posts:

Madinche1sea · 06/10/2016 16:20

Well the previous owners should have had more sense. People like that don't deserve animals imo. This kitten is probably traumatised, regardless of the pet carrier situation.

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/10/2016 16:26

Theres nothing at all wrong with crate training a kitten, any animal in theory can be crate trained.

Shutting an animal in a crate of any size and then leaving them to deal with it, is NOT crate training.

If you need to separate new kitten from adult cat then do this by shutting the kitten in one room and only letting the adult cat in when you are there to supervise.

If you do need to use a crate to keep small kitten safe, you need to train them to use it which is exactly the same process as training a dog to use one - get them to CHOOSE to go in there (for food, treats etc) and then gradually build the duration they are willing to stay in until you can close the door and they don't care (and then you add in moving yourself away so they are in there without you present).

If you haven't the time to do that i would suggest that just as with puppies, you put the crate in your room by your bed and kitten sleeps in there at night with you close by to prevent any distress (we now know leaving animals distressed and crying is as damaging to them as it is to babies!).

Glastonbury · 06/10/2016 16:28

You both sound cruel and clueless. A kitten needs room to play not cooped up in a carrier or crate.

TheCatsMother99 · 06/10/2016 16:30

Why are you sleeping in shifts? I'm confused.

kali110 · 06/10/2016 16:41

cray no i understand your post now! Agree.
Yh mine roams round the house and is only shut in his crate when we go to work. Otherwise the crate is always open.
agree couldn't keep him in it 24/7, it was bad enough after he'd had his op. I missed his fat furry body taking over my bed

MaddyHatter · 06/10/2016 16:51

my kitten spent the first week of overnights in the bathroom with his carrier left open, food water and a litter tray and some toys, then during the day, PFC was let out and kitten got to roam the house with very limited, supervised contact. Within a week she was happily kitten washing.

I don't see the issue with a large dog crate if there is no-where to put him where he and the other cat can be supervised.

orangeyellowgreen · 06/10/2016 18:11

Kitten doesn't need food or water at night but does need a soft bed and litter tray.

ChequeOff · 06/10/2016 18:22

I can't believe your DP thought it was ok to leave a kitten in a carrier basket.

I mean, really? It's not rocket science to work out how ridiculously thoughtless that is.

longdiling · 06/10/2016 18:25

Derailing a bit sorry but I thought 8-10 weeks was fine for kittens to leave their mum's? As long as they're fully weaned? I'm supposed to be picking one up next week and it'll be 9 weeks old. I'm worrying now...

Jellybean83 · 06/10/2016 18:47

Don't worry longdiling 9 weeks is absolutely fine for kitten to leave mum. People will latch on to anything and use it as a stick to beat the OP with, just because this is AIBU and they can.

MaddyHatter · 06/10/2016 18:58

9 weeks is fine if they're fully weaned.

Both of mine came to me at that age... one released from a Rescue.

Soubriquet · 06/10/2016 19:00

I think 12 weeks is supposed to be ideal because even at that age, mum is teaching them behaviour they need to know

But a lot of people let them go when they are fully weaned.

Mine was 6 weeks old when I got her.

longdiling · 06/10/2016 19:03

OK, thanks. There's no rush for me to take her as I'm getting her from my sister and I know she'll want to the right thing for the kitten. We'd delay if need be. I do have an older cat so I'm guessing that may help with socialising her if introductions go well?! Sorry OP, back to your thread.

Mojito7 · 06/10/2016 19:58

If you look on any pet website like "Pets for Homes", or the RSPCA they recommend 12 weeks minimum for kittens to leave mother. Talk to any vet and they will tell you the same - they do not recommend this for nothing. As well as being properly ready to digest solid food only, there are other important behaviours learned in this time like self- grooming, judging safe distances, etc. Its worth delaying if you can and a lot easier too - ie. no howling for mum at 3am!

Booboostwo · 06/10/2016 19:59

Nothing wrong with crate training a cat. I have two 5mo kittens whose safe space is a large dog crate. It has space for two litter trays, cat bed, feed bowls, water and extra room to move around. It's an ideal solution for a multi pet household as the dogs and my other cat could all smell the kittens in safety, I could leave all together safely and I still use it to separate everyone at meal times which are a trigger for problems.

OP you need to set up a safe space for your kitten in a room you spend most of your time in and keep your other cat away from now. In a few days swap clothes and fabrics that smell of the kitten to the rest of the house for your PFC to smell and some that smell of PFC for the kitten. Touch and stroke both. In a couple of weeks allow them to see, smell but not directly access each other, a crate is ideal for this. Taking it slowly is crucial for integrating a new cat with existing cats.

Your DH needs to think things through a bit more carefully.

longdiling · 06/10/2016 20:21

Mojito, just looked at those sites. RSPCA says 8-9 weeks but the other one does say 12-14. When I googled lots of sites do say 8-10. I'll see what my sister says. Next week was only tentative anyway as the kitten isn't fully weaned yet.

JulietteL · 06/10/2016 21:54

My cat was 6 weeks when I got her. She was fully weaned and eating normal cat food. Kittens bond better with humans when they're younger.

Sounds like OP's partner hasn't the first clue how to look after a kitten. Makes me wonder why they got one.

ilovesooty · 06/10/2016 22:08

Poor kitten.

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