Aibu? Why should I explain why I had dc?

[PeppasNanna]

Chatting to a mum at playgroup this morning. She asks if I will have another dc.

I explained dd is my 6th dc.

I effectively have 2 families. Older dc in their 20's.I'm a grandmother.

I have 2 ds with ASD.

She replies, ' Bet you wish, you hadn't had the younger dc'.

I was so surprised, I didn't reply.
Seriously, I can't get over the cheek of the women!

Or has she a valid point?

It is extraordinarily rude, but even worse because she happens to have articulated something that today was hovering around in your own mind. That would freak any of us out.

I cannot begin to pretend to understand what you're dealing with, but wish you the tenacity and support needed to get back to a more settled state.

Perhaps this can be achieved by giving her a bollocking next time you see her, but probably not.

Thankyou

Appreciate all the kind words...

Lovely bunch on MN.

To the poster with 11 dc... Your my hero!

She was either trying to be generally jokey about how difficult life is with toddlers generally, and misjudged it hugely, or she isn't very nice. Either way, not your problem.

Personally I always love hearing about large families. I've made a very standard choice to settle at 2, for health and other reasons, and I'm always intrigued and slightly envious of people who have gone the other way. I'm sorry you have so much on yr plate worrying about yr ds and the future, and don't want to dismiss that in any way, but your choices mean your younger children will grow up in their own village, and will have lots of love and support around them.

If you were having a bit of a wobble today, do you think she could have been picking up on your feelings and made a spectacularly ill-judged attempt at being sympathetic?

I think it's a pretty rude comment to be honest.

I often look at people with a lot of children and think "why?"! But that's more because it looks like so much work and I'm a lazy cow! I certainly wouldn't think those with big families regret their DC and certainly don't think they need to justify themselves to me.

Likewise, when I see people with DC with massive age gaps...I want to ask "why? You were nearly free?!". However, I keep my mouth shut as I'm just projecting my own opinions and capabilities onto their lives.

I've wondered before about having a second 'batch' of DC, having had mine fairly young

How old were you when you had your first op if you don't mind my asking? I'm intrigued!

Afreshstartplease

I was 20 & 22 when i had my 'first family'

32,35, 38 &44 with my subsequent dc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm immensely proud of all my dc nut its hard with the 2 boys having ASD. They are 8 & 11 now.

Peppa- you might be having a wobble and suffering from ill health, but you clearly look healthy enough if this mum was asking if you'll have another one! (I'm assuming she was saying it in a nice way..)
And maybe her comment on the younger ones was more about her own inadequacy rather than a comment on your life. Still rude. And pointless.

I am pregnant with my 15th baby. My eldest is 17, youngest is 3. My two eldest live at college. Two are in heaven. My eldest at home is 14. I get comments if I'm out with my teens/pre-teens and my youngest and there isn't even that much of a gap.

My siblings are 13+ years older than me.

formerbabe I used to wonder too wrt 'but you were nearly free from all this shit' but then having read a good few threads about late 30s to mid 40s broodiness I figure a lot women give in to that urge to have just one more or whatever. I had a child when I was very young but she died at birth. I have never felt broody since. I love babies and can understand that urge.

People say stupid things. My neighbour has 6 dc a mixture. I have 2 ds and expecting a 3rd, didn't find out what I'm having she said " knowing your luck it will be another boy" she doesn't know me other than a bit of small talk. What if it is anyway?