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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that what he's saying has no actual substance???

23 replies

ktfs · 03/10/2016 17:56

Short version- x is a cock!!!
Threatens with 'action' every time he thinks he's not getting his way with our daughter! His latest one is - your not changing her surname when you get married because I've put it in my will??? Really is that will actually worth the paper it's written on?? Can he put that as a request???

OP posts:
Arfarfanarf · 03/10/2016 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 03/10/2016 18:02

It's got nothing to do with his will but no, you can't change her surname if her Dad doesn't agree. Assuming he has PR.

Lovewineandchocs · 03/10/2016 18:03

He would have to consent to a surname change-if he objected the court would have to carefully consider all the facts before overriding his objection. I don't think "I've put it in my Will" is going to fly with a judge somehow, considering that a) she could be married with a different surname by the time she inherits and b) it is only required that the beneficiary can be identified-whatever bequest he makes to her isn't going to lapse because it states "My daughter Sarah Smith" and you have changed it to "Sarah Jones" iyswim

Original poster
ktfs · 03/10/2016 20:15

I know he would have to give consent to change her name when I marry her step dad. How old does she have to be to make up her own mind? She's always been excited to have a double barrelled name (so keep his but take ours aswel) but he's pecked her head so much that's she's now told him ok I won't. It's very unfair on her because I know she's only saying it to appease him.

OP posts:
Original poster
ktfs · 03/10/2016 20:16

Also.... what sort of a solicitor is likely to put that kind of thing on a will???

OP posts:
Lovewineandchocs · 03/10/2016 20:53

She'd have to be 16 to make up her own mind-presuming you're in England, Wales or NI.

Lovewineandchocs · 03/10/2016 20:57

Going double-barrelled is good for if you end up going for a court order to change her surname in the absence of his consent-the court is more likely to grant this as she'd still retain a link to her father.

ClopySow · 03/10/2016 21:00

Are you saying you want to give her your new husbands surname?

Chikara · 03/10/2016 21:13

How old is she?

She is his daughter. You can't just airbrush him out and he needs to give consent for a name change now.

If he is dead then he can't object to a name change.

milkyface · 03/10/2016 21:20

I think you're the one being unreasonable actually.

She's his child as well. He needs to agree.

The will is irrelevant but if he says no she'll have to wait until she's 16 to change it

EdmundCleverClogs · 03/10/2016 21:21

She's always been excited to have a double barrelled name

Why? A double barrelled name is a pain in the arse, everyone assumes you're either posh or a snob and you end up just using one part of it for an easy life. If she were to double barrel, it would have made far more sense at birth, with both your names, other than your ex and current husband's. What happens if and when she marries? Triple barrel? Your ex is being silly, but I can see why he's somewhat cross to be honest.

HeddaGarbled · 03/10/2016 21:22

Hmm, I do think it's asking too much for him to accept his daughter adding the name of your new husband's to hers. I think I'm with him on this one.

AndShesGone · 03/10/2016 21:25

You're completely missing a trick here

"Dear ex-twat, oh goody you're dying soon. Yay. Love ex wife"

#fuckyoubollockbreath

PaulAnkaTheDog · 03/10/2016 21:28

Ummmm, he's talking shite but frankly I'm more interested in what you've been saying to your ex for him to make this comment? Seems very odd for anyone to say that without any provocation.

Lightsoffplease · 03/10/2016 21:35

This is a joke, right? Your new H's surname joined onto your dd's current surname, which is her father's, who is presumably very much apart of her life. Wrong and a bit pathetic

WatchingFromTheWings · 03/10/2016 21:37

She's not just your child. She's his too. You can't just go changing her name. I think you're being just as unfair by putting it into her head that she may be able to change her name or go double barrelled.

Original poster
ktfs · 03/10/2016 21:38

Dd is 11 I have been with my partner for 8 yrs and we have another child. We have talked for a long time about getting married and have set a date for next yr. dd1 has always been excited for the wedding but asked if she would be a ' jones' as well. I have always said no darling you will always have daddies name but you could be the same as us at the same time and have. Both names.... she always thought it sounded nice. He is an unreasonable unrealistic arse who wants to cause trouble every 5 mins by not listening to anything we ask him to do with regards to discipline or actually anything daughter related he likes to think if he shouts loud enough or long enough then what ever he's bumping his gums about will become truth! I realise he has to say yes to the name change if she is a child I was just looking for some reassurance that ' it's in my will' is a load of bull!!!!

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 03/10/2016 21:43

She's always been excited to have a double barrelled name (so keep his but take ours aswel) but he's pecked her head so much that's she's now told him ok I won't. It's very unfair on her because I know she's only saying it to appease him.

Someone must have given her the idea of a double barrelled surname in the first place. Sounds like the poor child is being pecked by both parents and is saying whatever she has to to please either parent.

I have an ExH with 2 DC's and I'm getting married next year. Would never have occurred to me to change their names.

Original poster
ktfs · 03/10/2016 21:44

I always thought keeping her name but having double barrelled with the rest of her family was a nice idea...... clearly I was wrong!! Thanks

OP posts:
RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 03/10/2016 21:46

OK. Once he's dead, the PR he has will lapse.

Once your DD is 18, the PR he has will lapse. He may be able to oppose any change of name until then.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 03/10/2016 21:47

Sorry, should have been "once he dies, if this is before your DD is 18"

Lovewineandchocs · 03/10/2016 22:00

I think it's a nice idea OP-shows she's part of 2 families.

Original poster
ktfs · 03/10/2016 22:58

That's what I was going for lovewine thank you

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