AIBU to thing a woman is over 35 earns enough to be a bread winner had no reason to marry?

[FlourishingMrs]

Just wondered in this day and age, unless you aspire to be A Stay at home mum/zap rent there is no reason to marry, you could just enjoy living together with you DP and provide the happiest home for you and the kids. That way if it all goes wrong your kids are not disadvantaged. Unless one is religious of course?

I haven't seen much point to marrying up until now. After 17 years, 2 Dc and shared finances I am now thinking we should marry to avoid 2 hits on inheritance tax. Now we have equity it will cost us about £150k in inheritance tax if one of us dies. If we are married it would be free from tax.
Not exactly a romantic reason but a fairly Convincing one.

I married for love, I believe in my vows and plan to keep them im also traditional and wanted to marry before we had our first child

Erm emotional reasons? Religious or spiritual reasons? Financial reasons?

What are you on about? That makes little to no actual sense.

I married my DH because I love him, and I wanted the social and legal recognition that marriage brings.

You get married for lots of reasons. But inheritance tax is a VERY good reason to get married. Saves a lot of hassle down the line.

Surely people don’t marry for financial security, they marry for love?

Oh. I just saw this thread. I have no idea why you'd get married unless you get asked or see the need to do the asking.

Inheritance tax.
Pensions, death benefits etc
Simplicity with things like registering births, making medical decisions etc.
Clears up confusion for all about seriousness and permanence of the relationship.
Ability to pick up parcels for each other.

Personally I married at 20 because I was in love.

Actually they are more likely to be disadvantaged if an unmarried couple split than if a married couple do as the court would not be able to make any orders in respect of the family home (and other assets such as pensions) other than the shares you actually hold them in but if you were married they can make various orders thus leaving the children better off in financial and stability terms.

I agree marriage is a complete con for women .... I discourage my children from partaking in the whole bloody circus. If they want kids great have them, want to live with a man great, he won't be getting his hands in their house though

Don't really follow your logic as I assume the breakup of parents would be difficult for children whatever the marital status of those parents.

Also I (perhaps naively) gave no thought to financial security and did not marry in order to become a SAHM, I married to give a public display of my love and commitment to my husband.

I thought this was going to be an excellent reason thread for singleness. I'm disappointed now.

It's also worth considering that couples who get married tend to stay together for a lot longer than those who don't Which has to be good for children I would have thought.

There's something about being married that makes the relationship feel more permanent I believe (I've been married for 39 1/2 years.) Nothing like making a public declaration that you will stay together. Even if things are sometimes a bit rough.

Tax, if youre not married you pay more tax, both through income and inheritance

I earn the same as my DH and we married because well we wanted too

So you think a women that earns money shouldn't marry, well based on that neither should a man marry if his rich and his partner not yes?

There clearly are good financial and legal reasons for being married - which give you some kind of protection......if you only want to look at starkly practical benefits.

But very very many people also marry because they genuinely feel that marrying cements their relationship. It is an outward show of commitment for life to the whole world. Regardless of whether the marriage lasts or not, it is the making that commitment outwardly by both parties, both willingly and happily, that people feel value in. Yes, people can be committed who aren't married and many of those unmarried relationships May last longer than marriages, but for many people, that public declaration really does have value and they feel that getting married and being married is different to not being. Not everyone feels that and of course many people choose not to marry and are totally free not to....and most people acknowledge that choice these days. It is also important to acknowledge that even if you don't feel marriage is for you and you wouldn't feel you had gained anything from it, that isn't the feeling or experience of millions of men and women (of all ages!)

My tax hasn't changed since I got married, neither has dh's. Is it supposed to? We don't have enough assets to worry about inheritance tax either. So tax isn't a reason to get married as far as i can see.

Jax it can be bad for he children too ... We stayed together 9 years longer than we should have because we were married, I should have left him after 11 months but well we'd just paid for that wedding hadn't we

Tax doesn't change because you are married. Some married couples can now hand over some of their tax free allowance to their partner IF they earn under the tax threshold.

There's a social trend going on regarding marriage.

Increasingly, the affluent choose to marry, whilst the less affluent don't. Of course there are lots of people who don't fit this trend.

So I wonder if the OP simply doesn't know many married people? She may either be quite young, so her peers are not married yet and she is unclear why older people have got married. Or possibly she's older and just doesn't know many/any people who have married.....so being married and the benefits people feel they get from it, simply aren't within her experience.

I think that as we move into the future, this social trend will become more pronounced. Those who are more affluent will continue to marry - sometimes for the practical,male gal and financial benefits which many have mentioned, some for social reasons - in the sense that it is the done thing in their social and class group to marry, many for love and reasons of wanting to express commitment to the world. At the same time, marriage will become less and less common amongst those who are less affluent - once it is no longer the norm for peoples parents to marry and whole groups of young adults don't really know many if any married people, then they won't do it either. They won't be able to see the benefits. And for the less affluent, there might feel like less financial and legal benefits, or they might not be aware of those benefits. And because they haven't seen how being married often makes many people very happy and how they feel it is different to not being married, they won't choose to marry.

It's happening already and it will continue to happen.

Of course I'm aware that many affluent people also choose not to marry and the choice not to is a trend across society...but it is more pronounced amongst the less affluent.

Tax free allowance only really applies for SAHPs, who are also the group who can benefit from financial protection within marriage.

If you are entirely financially independent then the only significant reason to marry is to avoid IHT and CGT, but you do absolutely have to make wills. (Everyone "should" make a will, but unmarried cohabitees "must" make a will (along with a couple of other groups)).

I am over 40 and the main breadwinner and I really want to get married, for love and commitment and to provide financial security for DO and the squids!

If you really feel the need to ask this question, then I would say you don't really get what marriage is, or why people do it.

For any grown adult who is financially responsible, no it isn't really a smart option.

I can without a doubt tell you that, marrying my husband was not a smart move financially. Intact it was the opposite! BUT having got married I can enjoy sharing his last name. I enjoy the fact that he made vows to me, and I made vows to him, that we both intend on keeping the rest of our lives. Our marriage means that people take our relationship as seriously as they ever could. It's so hard to explain, but marriage is amazing.
It's nothing to do with making a smart choice.

What? There are legal and financial bonuses to marriage. Well worth that cringey 15 mins in the reg office a couple of decades back.