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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another strangers in the bathroom thread

30 replies

SpringerS · 02/10/2016 00:21

I've just read the other bathroom thread where a lot of posters felt the OP was unreasonable and it's made me question an experience I had last week. I was putting 3yo DS to bed and he'd had a bit of a tummy issue which meant he was taking forever to settle and he was a little hyper. I was reading him a story in bed when the doorbell rang. DS ran to answer the door extremely excited, if he hadn't I'd have tried to ignore it as DH works away during the week and I don't like to answer the door at night if I'm not expecting someone.

From what I could see as I approached the door I thought it looked like a male and female police officer and my first thought was that DH had been in an accident. (Which happened when DS was 3mo which is why it was my first thought.) When I answered the door, slightly panicked I was met by a couple asking to use my toilet. I took a few seconds to process as I had gone from expecting very bad news to what felt like a bizarre request. The woman said she felt sick and wanted to use my bathroom. I was uncomfortable with the idea but was about to reluctantly let her in, when I thought about how many stories about robbery start with some variation of 'they seemed nice so I let them in.' In the end I said no and the guy walked off in disgust calling the girl after him. As she walked away I nearly relented and called her back. I felt really guilty but ultimately I just wasn't comfortable with letting strangers in my house, especially after dark when it was just me and a toddler. So I let them go.

On thinking about I felt I WNBU. There are at least 4 restaurants/fast food places within a few minutes walk from my house that would have been opened. There is also a hotel with a cafe a couple of minutes away. My house was also a really one to knock at, as my drive is quite long and dark due to huge trees in my garden that block the light and hide the house from the street. My front door is also angled away from the gate, so you have to walk right into the dark to get to it. I love my front garden but it's spooky at night and I can't imagine a stranger choosing my house over all of my neighbours' normal bright, open drives. So I feel the whole thing was weird enough that I wasn't being rude or overly paranoid to not let them in.

OP posts:
singingsixpence82 · 02/10/2016 00:31

Think you did the right thing!

CockacidalManiac · 02/10/2016 00:34

I would say that this is a completely different issue. I wouldn't have let them in either. I have IBS, but I'd rather shit myself in the street than bang on a total stranger's door.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 02/10/2016 00:35

Totally different to the other scenario, no way would I have agreed to that either, yanbu!!

Lorelei76 · 02/10/2016 00:36

Blimey
There's no comparison with your DC friend asking and a total stranger!
Why did you even answer the door? Just because toddler runs towards it doesn't mean you have to answer it.

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2016 00:37

Surely you know you did the right thing and that your thread in no way compares to the other one? Confused

As an aside, I would really try to stop your DS from rushing to answer the door at his age (if you're not trying already of course).

Original poster
SpringerS · 02/10/2016 00:39

Thanks. I mentioned it to my mum and she said that if she was caught short in an absolute emergency on my street (and didn't know me), she'd have rather ducked into the trees on a nearby grassy patch than knock on a random strangers door. It just felt very weird though the couple did seem nice/normal and I felt guilty about it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/10/2016 00:41

Well don't feel guilty.

Distraction burglaries are a big thing in many different areas.

You just used your common sense.

RTKangaMummy · 02/10/2016 00:42

Deffo did the right thing in NOT letting them in

Original poster
SpringerS · 02/10/2016 00:43

Why did you even answer the door? Just because toddler runs towards it doesn't mean you have to answer it.

Our house is a bungalow and I could see the frontdoor from the hall where I'd caught up to DS I could see the couple and thought they were police.

OP posts:
Queenbean · 02/10/2016 00:45

This thread gave me shivers, esp with your DH being away and it just being you two in!

You did the right thing, definitely. Please check the security on your home, I don't mean to scare you but if you're at the end of a long drive they may be casing the joint (for want of a less 80s gangster phrase!)

And if you don't already, put one of those chains on the door so you can open the door and see who is there first

BadLad · 02/10/2016 00:51

I agree with you. Previous threads have astonished me by going the other way.

WatchingFromTheWings · 02/10/2016 00:56

No way in hell would I let a random door knocker in my house for anything, never mind the loo! You did the right thing.

Have their really been other threads suggesting otherwise?? Never seen any myself.

BirthdayBirthday · 02/10/2016 00:58

Wow! You did the right thing

Original poster
SpringerS · 02/10/2016 00:58

I don't mean to scare you but if you're at the end of a long drive they may be casing the joint

Thanks. Writing the description of my drive made me realise that while I was thinking of it being scary for a stranger to walk up in the dark, it also meant I was more vulnerable in my doorway. They could have punched me in the face/held a knife to my throat and no-one passing would have had a clue. I actually had an ear infection last week and that night was the worst. A tap to the side of the head would have floored me which was part of my reasoning for not letting them in. I just felt to vulnerable. But opening the door at all was stupid.

I'll definitely never answer the door again at night. I normally sleep with DS when it's just the two of us and I lock the door from the inside when I put him to bed. But because of his tummy ache we'd been in and out of the bathroom for the previous hour, so the door was open and he dashed out once he heard the bell.

OP posts:
DixieWishbone · 02/10/2016 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RockinHippy · 02/10/2016 01:01

YADNBU

your reaction given the circumstances was a very sensible one

HellonHeels · 02/10/2016 01:01

You did the right thing IMO. Have you got an outside light that triggers with movement? That, plus a spyhole (or video entry system) and a security chain will let you see who is at the door before you answer.

HellonHeels · 02/10/2016 01:05

BTW answering the door without a security chain is a security issue during the day and not just at night. I'd strongly advise you to get one.

GardenGeek · 02/10/2016 01:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadLad · 02/10/2016 03:20

Yes, there have been other threads about this. I think one of them was along the lines of Would You Knock On A Stranger's Door To Use The Loo. A surprising (to me) number of people said they done this, with bowel problems, or with children who needed to go.

VioletBam · 02/10/2016 03:52

Even if you think it's the police never open the door when it is unexpected. Call "Who is it please?" and if they were the police they'd say so. Ime anyone knocking after dark or even before when you're not expecting a delivery or maintenance, is either selling something or dodgy.

Upsy1981 · 02/10/2016 08:44

I never understand the debate over these things on MN. For me, the 'rules' would be if i have invited you to my home for a purpose or you know me/my family e.g. friend, tradesperson, even supermarket delivery person and you need to use the facilities then please go ahead. If you are random person knocking on the door, probably not (not a definite no, I would trust my judgement as OP did - correctly in this case IMO).

Its a toilet. There's very little can be done to it that can't be easily sorted with a squirt of bleach and a good scrub!

DesolateWaist · 02/10/2016 08:49

You did the right thing.
I also don't want to be a 'call and log it' person but it might be an idea to give your local police station a call.

TaterTots · 02/10/2016 08:55

It just felt very weird though the couple did seem nice/normal

As you said in your initial post, it's not uncommon for robberies to start that way. I also think it's no coincidence that it's the woman who 'needed the loo'. It plays on stereotypes. Would you even have considered letting two men in?

TheMaddHugger · 02/10/2016 09:22

Interesting too that of the unprofessional behaviour after you said no

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