my DP is a boring, lazy slob!

[ClaudiaApfelstrudel]

AIBU

I feel so frustrated...! my DP doesn't seem to ever want to do anything with me? it's Saturday so he just sits there in front of his PC screen, all day long! We don't have an enormous amount of money and I try to suggest that we do things together like go for walks or other thing but he has no interest at all. I don't know how he can do it, just sitting there staring at a screen for 10-12 hours on end. If he does do anything it's to complain about something that he has an ache here or a pain there which is not surprising seeing as all he does is eat and stare at a screen.

When I mention this to him he retorts by saying 'you're the one who does nothing' and yet I've spent the best part of four or five years having to do things on my own because he doesn't want to! I go out, I try to walk and run to places, but it's so difficult on my own and it makes me feel like a complete loner. I suggest we go for a coffee or to the cinema - but again no interest at all.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a 70 year old waiting around to die but we are only late 30's.

AIBU? We do get on when he can be bothered but I always am left feeling that my life is wasting away with him and I feel trapped!

Late 30's you should not be living like this. You need to force him to get up and go out he isnt a teenager he has no reason to be on the net 24/7

Unless he is up to no good.........

You said he was lazy - Do you share housework, diy, gardening?

It sounds like you are bored. what brought you together? Shared interests? Hobbies?

Wow he sounds like a catch - seriously, why are you still with him?

Imbroglio no he does very little gardening/diy or housework - he does pretty much nothing at all apart from play with his mobile phone while sitting at the computer screen

we have quite a lot of shared interests, politics and such but it's not very often we share anything he seems to be too hooked into his computer screen. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world and so I think at first he made me feel comfortable but now I've realised it's making me feel upset and depressed

My advice would be not to waste any more of your time on him - life really is too short.

sometimes I cook a meal for us but even that he won't eat and just snacks on cheese and bread

1. YANBU to want to do some things with your partner. The clue is in the term "partner".
2. YABU in making your happiness conditional on his behaviour, given that you can't force him to participate - if you don't like doing things alone, join some clubs and community groups and be busy yourself. Walking in the woods alone past loads of happy families will make you feel lonely, but being part of a hobby group will involve doing things in a group of other people.

Oh dear. It sounds like he's a bit lost, too. Sounds like you need to have a proper talk about what you want from life and each other.

Eg politics - could you go to some hustings or join local groups to stimulate that interest?

Cooking - an ex of mine used to make a sandwich while I was cooking an 'elaborate' meal and was then not hungry

So he's rude as well as lazy and boring.

Life's too short. He can work on his early heart attack alone.

What's he doing at the computer? Is he playing a game? World to Warcraft?

Does he work during the week? Is he anxious? Agoraphobic even?

This sounds like a miserable life for you. If he's happy with it and doesn't care whether you're happy then it's not going to change. You need to make a change.

He sounds practically catatonic

I Could have written this word for word. My dp is 35 and I am 39 and this pretty much sums up our life quite often. He normally sits in front of his xbox or watches endless reruns of auf wieldersen pet or only fools and that's it. He will not walk or go out for the day, go to the pictures, work in the garden or do much housework.

He's got much worse since he's worked constant nights and by that I mean 5 nights a weeks. He aches all over he says, he's tired, no one works harder than him etc. I know night shifts grind you down, I get that I've done them myself but there is a point where you have to say this is enough and get out and enjoy a bit of life. He plays darts once a week but never goes anywhere else.

I do my own thing these days, I've joined clubs and go out without him, balls to it miserable twat. Life's to short and he's no dragging me and the kids down with him.

I also work..weird hours and it's forced him to start cooking for us because he has to. We've also had no WiFi for 3 weeks and the xbox has barely been on. He's took the kids to the park twice and took them into town as well. Much nicer

Pack your bags, why are you still with him? What positives does he contribute to your life?

you're the one who does nothing

I wouldn't put up with this. He does fuck all yet says you're doing nothing when your the one making an effort? You need to have a very direct conversation with him and if he doesn't want to change then consider your options. I couldn't live with someone so bloody lazy and unmotivated to do anything.

Do you get anything out of being in this relationship? Other than being able to say that you are in a relationship?

It doesn't sound much of a life to me. Do you think you can stick it out much longer? Do you even want to?

Life is too short, op. Get out and do your own thing. Leave him to foost away in front of the screen and you get out and enjoy real life.

He sounds awful.

Sounds hopless - are there any DC? Just leave and find someone you can enjoy life with.

What is he doing online anyway?

why would you waste your precious time with someone like that?

When do you spend time together then?