AIBU? Am I? I really don't know...help pls MN?

[NonononoYes]

DS is 7mths. Sleeps fairly well other than this week which has been terrible as I think he's getting a cold.

DH has been working long hours in past weeks and I'm on mat leave so of course I've been doing the night waking. We are truly 50/50 partners and parents, no complaints, we've both separately spent nights away from DS etc.

Last night DS woke screaming at 2am. This is v unusual, never cries in the night, I go to settle him but he won't settle no matter what I do. Spend 45 mins trying to settle him then realise he's all snotty and bunged up. V unhappy baby.

I brought DS into our bed for a cuddle and feed and after 15 mins of troubled feeding he fell asleep, brilliant. We have a superking bed so no trouble all three of us being there, we can all get some sleep. DS has not slept in our bed for months.

DH gets all funny about him being there and how it's not good to get into the habit and insists on picking up sleeping DS and trying to settle him in the cot in his own room. I explained how I couldn't settle him and I think he's getting a cold and that I think when your baby is ill you suspend the sleeping rules, but DH was having none of it. He picked up DS and tried to settle him for half an hour in his cot and failed. At which point DH brings DS back into our bedroom and announces he can't settle him and he is going to sleep in the spare room!

I then had a v unhappy baby on my hands at 330am. Couldn't settle him, couldn't feed him to sleep at all and I've now been awake since 330am.

DS was grouchy all evening and kept waking for me to go in so even though I tried to have an early night. I didn't get to sleep till after 11 and then DH woke me when he got in from work at 1am.

I am absolutely broken with tiredness, headache, feel sick, eyes gritty, can't eat, eyes not focussing, and think I can feel a migraine coming on, DH left for work at 8am and won't be back until 9pm tonight.

So, my argument is that whilst I'm happy to do almost everything while he is working so hard, that should include choosing my way to deal with the night wake ups. I feel it's ok him having his principles of sleep training, but it's me who is having to deal with the tiredness consequences both in me and DS.

I have been the one to read up on and implement sleep techniques, and I was the one who didn't leave the house for a week whilst working on day time naps etc. I'm not a pushover when it comes to fixing sleep but I feel if I'm the sole one in charge for days, with no help at all, then it should be up to me to choose how I deal with it. This was a one off and DS was ill. I haven't brought him into bed for ages.

But DH would say we're ruining all our good work and creating bad habits, for short term gain, I.e. A few hours sleep. But they are my few hours of sleep!

Who was right last night? What would you do? I have no idea if I am BU to bring this up with DH tonight...

Co sleeping ain't for everyone tbh. MN is extremely pro co sleeping, but it's not a bad thing to want to find other solutions first.

We've had some lousy colds, but have found a combo of propping up the head of the mattress, lashings of snufflebabe ointment, and calpol will usually take the trauma out of it so that they sleep ok in their own beds.

At 7 months and poorly I think you just do what you need to do. DS is 14 months and we have brought him into our bed a few times during illness and teething etc but I never wanted to co-sleep and it hasn't become a habit. Sometimes he just needs his mum (or actually, his dad in our case!). You are not being unreasonable IMO, whatever helps the most people get the most sleep is what you should do I think.

I think you're both right but when you are feeling sad or sickly, we all need a cuddle. That was all you were doing.

My DD was a great sleeper but at 5yo she's experiencing some anxieties. I pull her into bed with me to reassure her it's all fine (we've had a couple of close bereavements) and then put her back into her own bed when the time is right. It's all good and she won't be doing it forever.

I think you would be entirely within your rights to scream at him until his eye bleed. Look after yourself there, because he doesn't understand and will not.

The problem here is surely not that he continued to implement the rules you had previously agreed on, it's that he gave it a half hearted attempt, it didn't work, he gave up and made it your problem. That is not 50/50 parenting. There's no way I would allowed him to go off to the spare room to sleep having caused the problem in the first place. My sympathies OP. That level of tiredness causing a migraine is shit.

If he insists that DS can't sleep in your bed next time, let him settle him and don't let him slink off to the spare room next time in defeat. He can suffer a sleepless night with DS and see how it is for you.

Yanbu on all counts. If it bothered him he should have.gone to spare room when you first came in and.let you.sleep. at 7 months old they need to be near.you.

YANBU. When kids are unwell all sleep rules are null and void. My DS still sometimes comes and sleeps with me when he's really poorly and he's 9! At all other times he's perfectly happy to sleep in his own bed and has been doing so without any issues for years.