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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at teacher

43 replies

calmbeforeiloseit · 29/09/2016 19:37

My DS (9) doesn't sleep and never has done. As a baby he had chronic colic for six months, would not sleep in his cot as a baby, suffered night terrors as a young child and now just suffers from Insomnia for hours at a time. We have tried everything you could think of, nothing works.

His doctor has assured us there's nothing medically wrong and some children, like some adults, have trouble sleeping. He may grow out of it, he may not, he has gotten a lot better with age, at three he would perhaps sleep four hours over the entire night.

He gets about six on a good night and we make it work. However, since going back to school, his routine is struggling and we have had even more trouble with his sleeping.

School are aware of this and have encouraged and supported him throughout his time there. He drifted off in class today and we were called in after playtime by his new (to the school) teacher.

After explaining he has terrible trouble sleeping and that we are trying to settle back in his routine. She looked at with with a complete look of reproach and said 'Have you ever tried putting him to bed earlier? Or giving him some piriton every night?'

It has been four hours and I'm still fuming! A) at her tone and insinuation that's something so simple could rectify it (his bedtime at one point was half five) and B) to suggest essentially drugging him every night.

OP posts:

Original poster

calmbeforeiloseit · 29/09/2016 23:08

I'd like to thank you all for your very kind and supportive comments. I will be sending an email to the teacher tomorrow and CCing the head, clarifying all of his background and explaining it's not something as simple as an earlier bedtime.

To the OP's suggesting that my issues are regarding her not being clued up on my son's personal issues, I am not naive enough to expect her to memorise every fact about each new child.

My anger and upset was simply the suggestion of 'advice' after I had briefly explained he has suffered chronic insomnia his entire life. The 'have you tried an earlier bedtime' and 'give him piriton to knock him out' were just incredibly insensitive and ignorant comments that were just the icing on the cake to a very stressful fortnight.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 30/09/2016 09:39

I really doubt the teacher was trying to be sarcastic or try to upset you or wind you up. I think you're being a bit OTT to cc the head in this. Hopefully the head won't take you too seriously. No wonder there is a teacher shortage if people are taking complaints straight to the top - surely a quick word with the teacher to say 'look you probably don't realize how tiring the last 8 or so years have been with the insomnia - I was a bit upset by your comment as we really have tried everything and we're at our wits end' would be more helpful than a snotty email??

Original poster

calmbeforeiloseit · 30/09/2016 19:16

Quick update, we will be going in on Monday.

I sent an email after I got into work (did not CC in the head in the end) and kept it very casual and friendly, I apologise if his tiredness causes any issues in class, we've tried ya ya ya. At the minute where attempting A, B, C.

She is yet to respond.

My Mum picks the kids up on a Friday and got a phone call to say DS had burst into tears and said teacher had asked all the class 'Do you all think DS should go to bed on time so he isn't so tired?' Group of nine year olds 'YEEEEEEEEES,' proceeds to lecture the class on the importance of getting enough sleep. This was after lunch, about four hours after I sent the email.

Absolutely fuming.

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mineofuselessinformation · 30/09/2016 19:33

Don't assume she has seen the email - she may not.
However, she's an idiot. On Monday, ask to see the HT.
Lay it on the line that now, not only has she made assumptions about ds, but she has asked an entire class of his peers to make judgements about him.
I'd be fuming.

Peanutandphoenix · 30/09/2016 19:54

Your not alone my parents went through all of this with me right from when I was born what would work one night to make me sleep wouldn't work the next night. My mum had me on Melatonin 2 nights a week just so that she could get some sleep the rest of the time I was awake half the night. My mum found that putting me in play school helped to make me sleep at night because it knackered me out but we where back to square one at the weekend and school holidays but I have a mild learning difficulty so that could be why I've never slept at night and still don't sleep at night. I would have a word with the school about the teacher though because she shouldn't of said that to you at all it's hard enough for you right now without someone making a comment like that.

Lovemylittlebear · 30/09/2016 20:02

Dr guy meadows is a sleep neurologist and I can highly recommend him. I don't know what his approach is for childhood insomnia however for insomnia in adulthood I have had personal experience and found him very knowledgeable.

Crabbitstick · 30/09/2016 20:15

That is appalling behaviour by the teacher. She should have in no way mentioned this in front of rest of class. I think she is failing her duties in terms of supporting children with additional support needs (in Scotland an ASN can be anything, not necessarily a specific learning disability). Your son has a medically recognised condition, being managed by a GP and she humiliates him in front of class. I think she should be up in front of professional board for such appalling behaviour. Imagine an equivalent situation with a child with epilepsy, or downs syndrome???
Hope the head takes this seriously.

kali110 · 30/09/2016 22:09

She may not have even read the email as mine says. She was probably in class getting ready to teach, not checking emails.

Allington · 30/09/2016 22:29

Welcome to the world of parenting a child with mental/ neurological rather than physical special needs. She will probably tell you to go to parenting skills classes and understand that 'you are DC's parent not their friend' - I.e. you just need to be stricter. Sadly it's the teacher 'I'm God Complex' which puts any difficulty down to poor parenting.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 01/10/2016 00:28

I hope you calm down by Monday. She actually sounds like she wants to be helpful. She's doing it all wrong in my opinion, but it doesn't sound like she's malicious. Treat it as a learning curve for her and help her understand. We all make mistakes.

ChickenSalad · 01/10/2016 00:41

Piriton tablets can be taken from age 6 btw, the syrup from younger. DDs have it for hayfever/insect bites in the summer.

OldGuard · 01/10/2016 00:44

We had sleep issue with our son - very similar - very difficult - my sympathy

I offer the following only as an alternate therapy as it was so helpful for us

Turns out son has sensory processing disorder (you can google it) and in particular his proprioceptive sense is under developed - this means his sense of where his body is in the world is way off - so when he closes his eyes he would feel like he way falling (imagine that feeling when you've drunk a few too many and close you eyes and the room spins) - remedy was occupational therapy and to train me to do certain exercises with him after bath and before bed - lots of hard pressure, massage, rolling balls over his body, stretching, rubbing his body with a hard bristled brush, etc etc - the bio feedback was really good for him and he felt very calm after and slept the best ever the first time we did it (and thereafter) - I also bought a weighted blanket for him to sleep under

JerryFerry · 01/10/2016 00:46

The letter someone drafted up thread is very good.

I had similar experience with a teacher asking me to "have a conversation" with my son about his behaviour as he wasn't settling in class. This was 2 weeks after I'd given her his specialist report outlining his learning disorder. I was pissed off.

But! Managed to keep the lid on it, emailed through a letter much like the one up thread, copied to principal and bingo, got a swift apology plus supportive measures put in place for him.

Good luck

JerryFerry · 01/10/2016 00:48

Oh shit sorry, missed the update. Good luck eh

BlackeyedSusan · 01/10/2016 00:51

offs.

teachers like this give the rest a bad name.

ditto, even when the parent in question has a decade more experience of teaching than the teacher.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 01/10/2016 02:28

I would go apeshit at her for today's episode. How bloody dare she!
Do you want me to hold you back, or hold your coat?
I do think OldGuard may have a good suggestion.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/10/2016 15:17

What the actual fuck? She's a horrible teacher. Complain as loudly and as long as you can. I wish I had when DD had her dreadful teacher who appeared to be convinced that DDs issues were because DH and I were splitting up and all she needed was medication.

We're not splitting up and her paediatrician didn't want medication, just better support for her ADHD.

Original poster

calmbeforeiloseit · 01/10/2016 17:23

Thank you again for all your support, there is some advice that we have yet to try.

Old Guard We are going to try a couple of your ideas tonight and see if it improves any.

To others who feel that I should be asking different questions, I am going to take him back to the GP and see if there are any sensory issues or any other conditions which may be inhibiting his sleep.

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