To not feel guilty that I shouted at dd

[Irush]

She's 16. I rarely shout. I asked her to help me tidy the kitchen, she said no. I asked her to go and check on her horse, she said no. I lost my temper, said something cross, she told me to 'calm the fucks down' which shocked me and made me LIVID and said for fucks sake and threw the pot I was washing into the sink where it broke.

Dh walked in from work at that very moment and is now not speaking to me as I swore in front of the children.

Surely it's not that horrific to lose your temper once in a while? I've spent all week driving dd around and listening to her moaning about not having enough clothes and not being picked up from a party at 2am (I've refused) and I've had enough. And I've had MIL on the phone saying how tired dh looks and I need to feed him more (we are 50 fgs)

Fucking hell, we're not allowed to swear at our teenagers now?!! Well, that's me told

papayasareyum it depends on your family's personal values, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to that.

I don't make a habit of it tbf

She's nearly 17 and she fucking started it

Well I don't think you can really complain about her swearing from now on. Get rid of the horse if she won't look after it and make spends dependant on doing chores.

YADNBU! She's not allowed to swear at you because you are her mother and she should respect you (I say this as a 21 year old, and I can imagine that if I told my mam to fuck off I'd be buried 6 foot under - am joking obviously but she should respect you and telling you to fuck off isn't on). You shouldn't be feeling guilty. She's 16, old enough to realise that her actions do make you angry. I'd definitely not be feeling guilty and under no circumstances would be apologising to dd. Would also tell 'D'H to stop being so childish and that he needs to back up your parenting. He should have found out what happened, then gone and taklked to dd, asked what did she expect if she speaks to her mother like that, and told her to go and apologise. I'd be fuming at dh.

Should a grown adult not speak to their child respectfully as well? They are both in the wrong but the OP doesn't have the excuse of being a hormonal teenager.
Clearly the child shouldn't get away with being cheeky and the swearing but I think the op has lost the moral highground.

i lost the moral highground years ago!

I am probably just as hormonal as she is, possibly more so so that doesn't wash in our house.

She apologised. Not amazingly, but still. Dh is still frosty but I made him a coffee this morning and he's thawing.

I've realised I need to chill out a bit so am trying early nights and eating healthier, plus reading more than being on my phone! No booze until end of October.