Husband shouts at me

[splendidglenda]

My head is buzzing. Has been going on for a while but goes through phases. He's also been aggressive with my eldest with shouting and has got physical like standing in his space and just being plain nasty.

The thing is I know I'm not going to go through with leaving him. Have had a tough few years. I tried to split up with him last year but I felt suicidal most days, fearing that I'd ruined my children's lives and didn't feel like I could cope. The younger two adore their dad. Probably wasting time posting this but feels lonely sometimes.

Homestart is really good for a shoulder to cry on and for practical advice. It got me through my darkest months and I will always be grateful for their help.

www.home-start.org.uk

Thank you all. Don't think I'm eligible for HomeStart as my youngest is now school age.

Please speak to Women's Aid, OP

I left my ex after years of being shouted at. It was really really really hard to leave. I wasn't sure I could cope on my own, especially with the kids.

Just 24 hours after I left I was already feeling a lot better and more able to cope. It got a little easier with each day after I left. It's much easier to manage everyday stuff when you're not being constantly put down.

Call Women's Aid. They can help.

I'm in the thick of it now having left, still sorting out the finances and child arrangements.

I had no idea how much support there is out there if you are a victim of dv - which you are. Get back in touch with your sw, tell her you need support to leave? I'm so sorry you are going through this

These are the things which helped me to leave -
Police
Ss
Women's aid
Local dv org
Gp

I understand you have been seriously unwell. Can you speak to your consultant for support?

If you know you will never leave, what do you want us to say?

Sheba that's a valid point. I don't know. My post is quite pointless for that reason. I can only think that it might have been a half-hearted attempt to push myself in the right direction. And was feeling quite crap at the time too. Thankfully Mumsnet is anonymous :/

DOn't worry OP - you are allowed just to say something. You don't need to act just because you posted. You are not stupid and you know what you have to do. You will go sooner or later - just not this minute and not in a rush.

People will tell you what to do, and how to do it and you will absorb this information until it becomes internalised and you "know" it. And then you will start planning. You'll take a step and ask for a bit more support and reassurance - and then you will take the next step.

And then you will be free.

OP, first of all also don't feel guilty - your 'D'H's abuse has an effect on the kids but that isn't all your fault. Leaving him would be an incredibly brave thing to do, but it's not the case of suffer in silence or leave him. You can get support from womens aid, while you're building up the courage to leave. Don't put yourself under pressure or stress - but please ring your local womens aid for advice. Google 'womens aid' and the name of your local town and something shouldshow up.

I'm sorry if my post was insensitive. It's just obvious that you need to make steps to get out of this awful situation, for your kids as much as yourself (younger kids often love abusive parents; they're fine because they're easier to control. Things get rough when they reach the age of being able to analyse and answer back, like your eldest.). So if you're really not open on any level to considering leaving , I don't know how to help you. But perhaps you are.

Didn't think your post was insensitive. I didn't post in aibu to get kind and fluffy messages. I need to hear the cold hard truth