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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my sister wants my dad to drive her

48 replies

southeastastra · 06/02/2007 10:16

to his house, she lives 3 hours away, but doesn't like motorway driving. so he has to go and pick her up, stay overnight then drive back and take her home again a week later. she's 42 btw and he is 77.

aibu in getting annoyed about this?

OP posts:

Shosha · 06/02/2007 12:30

Message withdrawn

KTeePee · 06/02/2007 12:36

No disrespect to your father but a 3 hour drive is not a piece of cake at his age - it is very inconsiderate of your sister to expect him to do it. My father is quite a bit younger than yours and he also avoids driving when he can now - always takes public transport when he can, only uses the car for local journeys or day trips to the beach, etc.

I think she needs a stern talking to....

Original poster

southeastastra · 06/02/2007 12:56

i know it's 3 hours on a good day too! i don't know what she'll do when he can no longer drive, probably get someone else to do it for her.

thanks for the replies now i know i'm not being unreasonable!

OP posts:

catsmother · 06/02/2007 13:58

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all to object to this. She's the one being unreasonable and selfish.

Ok - some people are scared of motorways, IO have no problem with them at all, but each to their own. However, she should book some lessons and get over it if the alternative is expecting a 77 year old man, who, quite obviously, is getting older all the time, to drive at least 12 hours on her behalf in the space of a week (i.e. 2 return journeys).

It's not just about his time but surely, about the expense as well. A 3 hour trip is going to be very expensive in terms of petrol, wear and tear, and adds miles to his car which affects its value.

Does she pay all his petrol for these trips ? Does she chip in when his car has to be serviced more often because of the extra mileage used in fetching and carrying her ?

If she didn't I don't know if I could keep my mouth shut TBH.

tirnanog · 06/02/2007 14:07

your dad has ruined her,she sounds spoilt and indulged,he must stop being such a push-over and tell her to get a train or coach and she'll be met at the station.

fartmeistergeneral · 06/02/2007 14:23

southeastastra, have a sister same age, same problem. Dad is 76 this year and has ferried her about for ever. Only on her first ever boyfriend at the moment (don't ask) and has always been 'childlike' and dad has driven her into town on a Saturday for her to go shopping etc!! Like when I was 13!

Anyway, my dad has relied on her too over the years and although it got beyond a joke at times (once, she twisted her ankle and dad drove her to A&E and sat on hard chairs with her for 3 hours, even though he has really bad arthritis in his joints) I've only mentioned it to him a handful of times as he was HAPPY to do this for her!!! He moans and moans about her, but really needs her. Now she has a boyfriend (who, like you I have never met) he doesn't have to do this anymore and he's verging on depression.

What is your sister like generally? Just to compare notes!!!!!

Original poster

southeastastra · 06/02/2007 18:50

she doesn't pay anything for petrol or upkeep. she only sees dad about once a year (last year he drove to hers again!).

i have no idea why he panders to her, maybe because he thinks he won't see her otherwise?

generally shes the sort of person that likes to be queen bee and have people running around after her. i just know the week she's here, she won't come and see my children, she'll stay in bed until 11 and drink the house dry.

OP posts:

fartmeistergeneral · 06/02/2007 20:15

mine has no interest whatsoever in my children, her nephews. They often forget her name. She's only one hour drive away from us, but has never once, since I moved here (10 years ago) asked to see me/husband/kids. It's always me that says 'are you free next weekend to come here' etc. If I didn't offer that, I would never see her again.

She's lived at home most of her life. She bought a couple of flats, blamed parents for persuading her to buy such awful flats/awful location etc, moved back home. She never asks how I am or how boys are, just talks about herself all the time. Her new man is a male version of her I'm sure, and I really am in no hurry to meet him!

She sounds awful! 'Tis my sister!!!!

Original poster

southeastastra · 06/02/2007 20:28

did you get on as children fmg? i've never really been that close to mine. (i have 2 others as well). spoke to my dad about it today, he just said well if it snows she'll have to get the train. i'm weary of it.

OP posts:

fartmeistergeneral · 07/02/2007 09:03

we got on OK as children, not especially close, but OK. As I got a little older I began to be a bit alienated from her - as in, I always had friends and noticed that she didn't have any. When she was at high school she didn't have a single friend! Awful really, but I was young and enjoying my own life. It was probably a combination of factors that made her turn out so self absorbed. Put downs from my mum, overcompensating from my dad. He smothered her (and me a bit, but I had friends so had a whole other life), kind of 'protecting' her from my mum. She ended up totally dependent on him, he did everything for her - phone calls to the bank, shopping etc. She's bitter, really, and still blames mum for the way she is. Everything revolves round her though. It's like she thinks the world owes her or something.
The fact that she has a boyfriend at 42 is totally amazing! Really thought it would never happen, but I've never met him (even though they've been going out for a year) and I presume he's a male version of her.

Anyway, sorry, hijacked your thread!!!

knowotumean · 20/05/2012 15:37

op I am in exactly the same situation as you. It drives me insane and I feel so so angry with my sister. Even though I know it is between her and my dad I just have this feeling I would never forgive her if he had an accident. unreasonable I know but it makes me mad she is so wet. I hate the word entitled but there is no better word for my sister. Sorry another hijack! Watching your thread with interest!

exexpat · 20/05/2012 15:38

OLD THREAD ALERT

knowotumean · 20/05/2012 15:39

:-) where did this thread appear from for me to get so incensed on??!!

TheMonster · 20/05/2012 15:40

Thanks for pointing that out, exexpat. I was going to respond but there's no point.

exexpat · 20/05/2012 15:40

Did it just pop up in active convos or something? It's FIVE YEARS OLD. Very odd.

Gumby · 20/05/2012 15:42

Southeastra -

knowotumean · 20/05/2012 15:42

yeah it just popped up for me at top of my AIBU. toooooo strange.

Debeezandbirds · 20/05/2012 16:18

ZOMBIES! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

Dolcelatte · 20/05/2012 16:45

Don't you think her dad might actually be happy to be 'needed' - i know she's a grown up, but she's probably still his 'little girl'!

knowotumean · 20/05/2012 20:29

yes Dolce think you are right!

knowotumean · 20/05/2012 20:32

ZOMBIE OLD THREAD!!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/05/2012 20:49

I don't like motorway driving. So I get the train if I'm going long distance. I do not expect people to drive me. Except maybe my husband.....

EndoplasmicReticulum · 20/05/2012 20:50

Ah, didn't spot it was an old thread! Sorry.

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