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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want an easy life?

24 replies

misspetticoat · 29/09/2016 01:09

Well perhaps not an easy life but to want one where I am as far as I can be in control of my enviroment and activities. In part this desire for an easy, peaceful life has lead me to decide against motherhood (I am married). I gave up a high status but stressful and frustrating career when everyone thought I was mad. I quit facebook, I let various people go from my life because they were just not worth it i.e. high drama, emotionally draining etc.

I feel like I have a very decluttered life and generally just do what I enjoy and only see people I really like. I felt when I was younger I was always working, striving etc to get to a place where I would have time, space and peace but after every drama or big project there was always another round the corner meaning I never got the life I wanted.

I like the way I live now and feel in control of things but sometimes I wonder if I just don't like doing anything hard and unpleasent. I think at one point I probably was burned out and avoided all stress. I think life does need challenges but I just hate the thought of taking on too much and getting sucked into that way of life again.

Is it so bad to want an easy life?

OP posts:
Notmorecake · 29/09/2016 01:19

Not at all. So long as you aren't bored. X

Manumission · 29/09/2016 01:23

Well perhaps not an easy life but to want one where I am as far as I can be in control of my enviroment and activities.

TBH, they are two very different things (autonomy and ease).

Are you self-employed now? Or looking for a project?

Original poster
misspetticoat · 29/09/2016 01:24

I'm never bored, I work as an artist now (not that I make much money) I read, cook, I'm learning to play the piano. I travel sometimes, read some more, and spend time with the friends I still see and my family.

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 29/09/2016 01:26

I'm not sure there is such a thing as an 'easy' life; but there's a lot to be said for a simple one. Acceptance as opposed to expectation (from people and scenarios), not wanting 'stuff', staying away from social media, etc...

Don't be afraid of challenges, though. Isn't there a saying about how it's only when you step outside your comfort zone, you actually grow? You need to decide what challenges you are prepared to take on - and also be prepared for some unexpected ones.

If you like the way your life is right now, and you're happy and content, then there's nothing bad about it!

Original poster
misspetticoat · 29/09/2016 01:27

Manumission, you make a good point about autonomy and ease. I think after my former stressful life I needed a period of time to sort of do very little but now I am trying to do more of my own creative work. I am very aware though that I don't want to take too much on or be overwhelmed by demands on my time and energy.

OP posts:
Original poster
misspetticoat · 29/09/2016 01:31

itshouldhavebeenjess, I think I am very aware of unexpected challenges and I know they are always around the corner, just waiting to pounce, that is one of the reasons I've been so careful to avoid taking on anything I didn't really want.

OP posts:
Manumission · 29/09/2016 01:34

Yes, I imagine it takes a good while to come back from burn-out.

Are you partly thinking about other people's perceptions too? My work is creative and I find that not everyone really understands that my work IS work.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 29/09/2016 01:38

I don't see the problem and I admire your honesty. Too often we allow 'society' to tell us what we should be doing. The unexpected stuff is hard enough, without forcing ourselves to do the 'expected' bits. Some people want to be permanently busy, some don't.

My ideal day would be curled up in bed, just daydreaming.

Original poster
misspetticoat · 29/09/2016 01:46

Manumission, It has taken a time to recover from being burned out. I think I used to care a lot what people thought i.e. this job is killing me but everyone is so impressed by it so I could never give it up or not really liking certain people but wanting to seem popular and well connected to others, sad I know.

Now I really don't care what anyone thinks of me or what I do and I live a very private life. I do think as you say creative work is under valued and that used to upset me but not now. I think I am just worried that I do avoid personal challenges which as you say do help you grow.

OP posts:
Manumission · 29/09/2016 01:50

Maybe you've cracked it? Smile Your life does sound very sorted.

Original poster
misspetticoat · 29/09/2016 09:56

Not sure I've cracked it but things do feel more sorted and peaceful than they did. I'm happier to but I don't want to stop developing as a person.

OP posts:
AnythingMcAnythingface · 29/09/2016 10:01

That sounds amazing and actually what you have done is something a lot of people would label as difficult. Shunning the hectic, fast paced, media led world for a grounded life based on your own values.

Sounds like you are focusing on unconditional happiness (as opposed to "I'll be happy when" which is an illusion). Life is easy, I truly believe we are our biggest obstacles and you've got that under control!

I'm really happy for you!

SleepFreeZone · 29/09/2016 10:07

I think many of us just sheep our way through life. Following society 'normals' and trying to run parallel with our peers. Sounds like you've though 'fuck that' and followed your own path. Sounds good to me! 👍

Mypurplecaravan · 29/09/2016 10:14

As long as there is equal opportunity for your spouse to step back from the rat race and do something creative that doesn't bring in much money should he/she want or need to then knock yourself out for the rest of your life aim for happiness not chasing the never never

PJBanana · 29/09/2016 11:53

I feel like this too, and I really admire you!

Since leaving uni and starting work, I've had a huge realisation that I don't want to climb the career ladder at all.

The job I do now is ok, it's not particularly challenging but the money is ok and it's never particularly stressful. I hate the idea of being in a high pressure job where I spend 50-60 hours a week (or more!) feeling stressed. Those feelings travel home with you too often.

My plan for life is to earn enough money to be comfortable, and do what I want to do with my money and free time.

Some people might think this is lazy, but I don't care!

ProseccoBitch · 29/09/2016 12:00

You sound very like me. I lost my husband at a young age and threw myself into my career but was burned out before I was 30. Now I'm self employed and don't have much money but don't have much stress either.

YelloDraw · 29/09/2016 12:01

As long as you have enough money t live how you want to, are fulfilled and stretched to the amount you want to be - then why not?

Sugarcoma · 29/09/2016 12:10

I don't have much to add re kids but I definitely applaud your career decision. I was also in a highly paid, well respected job that I absolutely hated (especially since I was bullied for most of my time in it) and after being diagnosed with a life-altering chronic illness realised I couldn't live my life like this but it was only with the help of my OH that I got the courage to change to a career that is nowhere near as well paid but allows me to be freelance and that I genuinely enjoy doing.

Sometimes I feel guilty for not having a M-F 9-5 (not that those exist anymore, my job was more like 8.30-8.30) but then I'm like, why!? Everything about today's work culture is so arbitrary and geared towards exhausting you so all you have time to do at the end of the day/week is self-medicate and do a few chores.

Sugarcoma · 29/09/2016 12:12

Oh, one thing I wanted to add was when I was weighing up whether or not to leave my career I met someone in a similar position who told me something along the lines of - everyone wants a career that is respected but if you genuinely enjoy what you do you don't care whether or not it's respected. Absolutely true!

Laylajoh · 29/09/2016 12:20

Everyone finds a different goal in life. If you are happy with the way you have chosen to, it is not important what others think of it.

pallasathena · 29/09/2016 13:38

Someone once said that we are the only mammal on the planet who pays to live on it. That really struck me as a universal truth.

heron98 · 29/09/2016 14:22

You sound like me.

I have also decided against children, have a DP (who is my world) but who works most evenings so I am my own mistress. I work 4 days a week even though it means money's a little tight because I want more time to do my own things.

I don't really have any responsbilities besides paying the rent on time. Sometimes I wonder if I'm copping out a bit, but you only get one shot at life and mine is filled with fun! Once work's out the way I see friends, play sport, or snuggle down in bed with a book/DP. Why should I want to spoil it?

AndShesGone · 29/09/2016 14:29

Autonomy is great, a simple life is marvellous.

The only issue I can see is that if you're very used to being in control it creates problems when you meet an out of control situation.

My life is exactly like the OP's but I've met a couple of situations where I've had to hand over control of situations due to illness (so handing it over to doctors, trusting them to do the right thing), and house selling (this has been an awful process, entirely controlled by the rich, cash buyer). I suspect I've found them more difficult as I have so much personal control and autonomy all the time.

Planty18 · 29/09/2016 14:32

I think you sound inspiring!

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