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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want others to feed my DS snacks?

61 replies

PigeonPie · 06/02/2007 08:57

DS is 14 months old. We do activities each week and most of the other mothers appear to need to take biscuits etc along for their DCs to munch their way through during the activity. Yesterday we were at our afternoon music session; after the session (at about 4.30) there are toys for the children and tea for the parents.

I'd gone to help the teacher with the tea and when I came back I found DS with crumbs round his mouth. I said to him words to the effect of 'have you been stealing biscuits?' and another mother (who I don't know very well) said, 'oh no, he looked so longingly at the breadstick I was giving my DD that I gave him a bit, but it's ok, it's gluten and alergen free'.

I was a bit astounded at this assumption that it was ok for her to give my DS something to eat. We generally don't eat between meals and it was nearly supper time.

Now I know it was only a bit of breadstick, but the fact is DS doesn't need any extra food other than what he eats at mealtimes and I don't want him spoiling his next meal either.

And, why do parents think their DCs are going to fade away if they don't have snacks?

Sorry for the rant, I was so astounded that this woman had given my DS something that I couldn't think of anything to say to her!

OP posts:
Aloha · 06/02/2007 10:12

I feel a bit sorry for your ds to be perfectly honest! A bit of breadstick or biscuit won't kill him.

footprints · 06/02/2007 10:14

I do think it's better to ask before giving something to someone else's child,

BUT think it's a bit harsh to expect such a young child not to be hungry after activites and not to have snacks between meals.

My dd is always STARVING after doing things like that and she's much older.

Aloha · 06/02/2007 10:16

Do YOU never have anything to eat between meals? Not ever a biscuit with a cup of tea or a bit of chocolate or a nibble of cheese?

anniemac · 06/02/2007 10:16

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wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 06/02/2007 10:17

I agree with harpsi and twiglet. people have far too many hang-ups about food nowadays. it was a breadstick. if it had been a mars bar then yes you would have been within your rights to be annoyed, but it wasn't, it was a breadstick.

And at 14 months he needs snacks. Everyone on this thread has been in agreement on that, so don't think we can possibly all be wrong tbh.

And as you progress on to toddler groups etc snacks will become part of the norm, they are offered routinely at toddler groups. just consider how your ds will feel as he gets older and you make him sit and watch others eat while he's allowed nothing. And also do think about how it looks to others - I would feel very sad for a child who was allowed no snacks while all the children ate around him.

IMO by being so strict on what/when he is allowed to eat you are teaching him to have a very unhealthy relationship with food from a very early age.

FloatingInSpace · 06/02/2007 10:17

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 06/02/2007 10:20

Over reaction. Sorry to be blunt, but your son's childhood is going to be a long and painful process if you really feel that outraged over this.

TheEmeraldCityTourGuide · 06/02/2007 10:24

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable.
It is lovely that everyone sits down together in these groups and shares a snack.
It's an important social aspect of the session.
If I were you I would take a snack for everyone to enjoy next week, so that you know your child is eating something you do approve of.

franca70 · 06/02/2007 10:24

there are so many post about being blanked at toddlers group, cliquey mums, mums telling your children off without reason, etc. I think I'd love to meet a mum kind enough to offer a breadstick to dd...

anniemac · 06/02/2007 10:26

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ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 06/02/2007 10:30

He must wonder - in a 14 month type of way - why it's food time for everyone else but not for him!

Do you plan to never offer snacks PP? DS1 is not a big snacker but I did always offer them

LIZS · 06/02/2007 10:31

Had you been there she probably would have asked you first but you weren't and she made a judgement which, in your eyes, may have been wrong but don't think a breadstick is anything to get worked up about. Who was left to watch him whilst you helped btw ?

mozhe · 06/02/2007 10:34

To the original question.....an unequivocal ' yes ', but I think you knew that..

decafskinnylatte · 06/02/2007 10:35

I think you are being too hard on the woman although agree that I would also prefer to be asked.

I too believe snacks are important for all the reasons posted below.

I'm also having to hide a giggle I'm afraid, thinking just wait until your ds reaches my ds's age (nearly 4) and spends his entire social life at birthday parties eating I don't know what!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 06/02/2007 10:36

More to the point Decaf, eating you-don't-want-to-know-what

Jimjams2 · 06/02/2007 10:37

I would have asked her where she got gluten free breadsticks. Red packet ones Sainsburys?? Or is there another supplier somewhere.

Ds1 and ds3 are on restricted diets. if we go somewhere where kids have food I always take them something they can eat soo they don't get fed things they can't have. Actually there is no way ds3 would have looked longingly ) he'd have been wrestling with a child eating anywhere within sight if they had food and he didn't. I think even ds1 might have kicked off.

anniemac · 06/02/2007 10:37

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decafskinnylatte · 06/02/2007 10:37

I also allow my kids snacks/treats on teh basis that I am confident that I feed them good, nutritious food for 95% of the time. It sounds as though this is the case for your ds - really, I don't think you should worry so much.

dejags · 06/02/2007 10:39

sorry Pigeon, but I also think you over-reacted.

It was a little bread-stick. She wasn't offering him a sippy cup full of diet coke.

FloatingInSpace · 06/02/2007 10:39

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oxocube · 06/02/2007 10:41

Now if this woman had been my MIL when DS1 was 3 months old, putting her finger into his mouth to let him suck on the chocolate and brandy sauce, I would have been a tad concerned. But a breadstick? Nah

dejags · 06/02/2007 10:47

PFB - now I was thinking of way to say this, as usual Twiggy comes up trumps.

A syndrome most definitely suffered from. Now I am only no.3 it's a totally different story.

misdee · 06/02/2007 10:52

OTT reaction sorry.

young babies needs snacks during the day. dd3 is 2 soon., so far to day, she has had breakfast of toast, a banana and an apple. then she will have lunch around 12(sandwiches and fruit), more snacks (probably a couple of crackers and i live in hope of her eating the cheese) then dinner tonight(meat and veg) followed by some mroe fruit.

she has been eating that often since she was weaned.

misdee · 06/02/2007 10:53

i love PFBS

3andnomore · 06/02/2007 10:56

I personally think that you shouldn't give another child anything unless you ask the parent first, as there are so many reasons why a certain snack might not be o.k. for the child (allergies, etc...)
But I must say, I am surprised at your chld not getting a snack between mealtimes, doesn't have to be biskuits, but they really do need more then 3 meals a day, imo...a piece of fruit, some cheese (if not dairy intolerant, etc...)...a healthy snack basically.Saying that, of course I don't know if you give maybe milk/or bf inbetween meals, which would of course count as a snack, not that it is any of my business anyway.