About this detention

[silentlyfume]

Sorry long!

Firstly dds new school is otherwise fantastic. it is this one point which peeves me. I am debating approaching so thought I would check here first.

Dds school has something called recall. If you have been disruptive or rude you are recalled until 5pm (school finishes at four)
I have no issue with this but they also use recall if you have not finished work in the time they thought you should or not got past a certain amount in a test.

Depending on the recall teacher they can either finish classwork or revise the test which I again don't have as much issue with or sit in silence for an hour.
Those who have been disruptive and those who have scored badly in a test are in recall together based on the idea that if they haven't scored enough they haven't revised enough.

This is really working sen dd up and making her very anxious. Shes very good in school but is often slow to finish work due to sen or scores low in tests. Especially when her spelling is awful in English and the test is to spell in her languages class and is getting in a state about it before tests. Essentially she could end up punished for having sen.

It also means that because of buses that she potentially could be left waiting an hour at her connection point for the bus in the dark alone. She is 13 but with learning difficulties so more vulnerable.

I am torn between telling her to suck it up and feeling I am being pathetic to having a word

Any ideas

I think it's worth remembering most year sevens have quite high expectations spelt out to them in the early weeks. The reality of those consequences isn't always the same eg "anyone who gets less than x% in the test gets a recall "may very well be , except Tiffany because she had SEN, Marcus because his Granny died this week, etc but the kids are told the process and not to expect exceptions (as if they did some little gits would have a granny dying every week )

The OP's daughter may have been told this , the execution probably isn't as inflexible as the kids have been told it is.

Has SHE been "threatened in lessons" or the whole class ?
Her perception may be that because she knows she is slower it is aimed at her when in fact it isn't at all.

Definitely speak to the SENCO but I would be surprised if allowances haven't already been discussed.
I told my son's school that they were not to keep him after school without 24 hrs notice as one was kept back and he missed the school bus along with a couple of others and there is no bus service to where we live. It is five miles on country roads with no path! No mobile phones then. 24 hrs to make arrangements is reasonable if your child was in for being disruptive but otherwise they should give DD an idea of what is expected to encourage but not to stress her out.
I don't like the idea. Some kids just aren't very academic. My friend son was like that but he is now several teachers mechanic at the BMW garage!

"I don't like the idea. Some kids just aren't very academic."

Exactly my point. SEN or not.

Please contact form tutor/senco so someone can reassure your daughter. It must be terrible to see her worry.

I would be having a word. It doesn't sit right to me sen or not, done children don't do as well as others in some subjects and shouldn't be punished for this. I don't think after school detentions should be allowed especially in schools with no other transport than the school bus.

*some

At my Dcs school they have to do a lunchtime 'retest' if they get below their predicted grade.This is not branded as a punishment but more the need to have a good understanding of each topic.
One of my DC has mild dyslexia and had to get a fewer number of spellings right.But the individual subject teachers NEED TO KNOW.They are often teaching hundreds of kids a week.I would advise you to email the particular subject teachers so they can adjust their expectations.
My children go to school in a small market town where the majority come in with parents or on school buses from rural areas .For this reason they could not give a same-day detention and rarely give after school detentions .They take what they call 'handover' very seriously, by never dismissing early, looking out for non-collected youngsters etc.

Regardless of special needs, I just don't think it's right to give detentions which would potentially give young kids trouble getting home in the evening. My DD used to do a half hour walk and it would have pissed me off no end if she'd had to do that in the dark. I'd email to say you don't give permission for her to stay. But yes, also have a word about the anxiety they're causing her. You're sure you think this is a great school?

It sounds as though it's the school's attempt to offer extra help to pupils who are struggling, which seems like a good idea. (More schooling for free?!)

However, the problem is that it's being lumped in with detention, which is traditionally a punishment for being naughty. There is a huge difference between struggling with something academically and being naughty, and equating the two is perhaps sending a mixed message about morality. You shouldn't be 'punished' for trying hard yet not quite getting there - you may, however, need extra help.

I would possibly speak to the school about creating parallel systems, so that 'extra support' and 'punishment' are clearly defined and separated.

That's ridiculous! Especially as she has SEN...

Contact the school and ask about this. See what they say. In the meantime, don't meet disaster half way and don't let Mumsnet whip you up into a weird sense of frenzied outrage.

As shovetheholly says - lumping together behaviour and performance makes no sense.

DD struggles in some areas and stays on (with some other children) once a week for an extra hour with their teacher - she loves it! But she also stays awake some nights stressing about getting a detention (some mild SEN that some school staff think will disappear if she's told to 'try harder' and given demerits when she fails ). If the extra help was turned into a punishment she would be miserable and stressed and not benefit nearly as much as she does.

Even if a child does badly in a test because they haven't worked hard enough (quite apart from it being impossible to really know how hard they've worked), I still don't think a detention is appropriate - the consequence of not working is a bad score. If that's not a motivator the it won't be fixed by detentions - it just sets up a situation where the child/young person learns to play the system.

At my sons school they would always give notice of an afterschool detention so that you would know to expect them back late and so that you're not waiting outside for an hour if you pick them up.

Gosh, that sounds terrible! If I were you, I would write down all the things I find unfair about the recall and then you can get your point across well in the meeting. I'm a teacher and I would be very upset in your position.

Has it been 'threatened' for the whole class or for her as an individual? If the former, then there is no need for her to wind herself up. Go and speak to the SENCO and the form tutor for your peace of mind.

If the former, then there is no need for her to wind herself up.

There are many, many people who could only dream of it being so simple. Anxiety doesn't go away because someone else doesn't see a 'need' for them to be anxious.

scaryteacher, as I said upthread: SEN kids often have higher than normal anxiety. I assume you know this as a teacher?! Or maybe you don't believe in SEN.

Anyway, from personal experience with my son I can tell you that spending each and EVERY day for years feeling a bit lost/ overwhelmed, often being subtly bullied, often being told off by uneducated teachers for things which are much more difficult for you to do - leads to high levels of anxiety.

My dsis is a teacher (specialises in SEN), I have a friend who is a SENCO and many other friends who are teachers, so I'm not anti teacher, but I find your attitude quite 'scary' when sending my anxious child into school. Your name is apt.

She has to learn to deal with pressure situations, though, because life is full of pressure situations. Or is anxiety something that is expected to never get better nowadays and everyone needs special rules for it?

Sounds like she also should get special dispensation for her disability, but I don't know how OP gets that without a statement (official recognition) that she has the disability.

I have sympathy... DD's school pressures kids to work hard to aim for university; DD already felt anxious how much she wants to go to Uni, so now she is ultra-anxious about it. FFS. I feel like throttling her...and the school for piling on pressure.

True. You do need learn how to handle pressure, but if there are easy ways to lessen it is worth doing these as adolescent years are fraught enough. Anxiety can get better but you need to use techniques to get there (am currently dying these with my son) and for some it will always be a battle. Let's recognise that and not make it worse by dismissing it.