Am I normal or is it a shopping addiction?

[Littlebee76]

Just wondering if I'm normal or if I need help..

I can not stop buying. Every single day without fail I'm constantly online shopping. I feel like everyday I think of something new I 'need'then spend hours searching for this new thing that I need, purchase it then the next day I think of the next new thing I need.
Everyday I have a parcel arrive (at least one) and it's actually all consuming!

I love buying myself/the house things but does anyone else do this? I'd actually like to go a few weeks without 'needing' things yet it never seems to give me a day off.

Is this normal?

We have parcels most days. DH is always buying things like batteries, razors, lights, noodles and protein bars. Neither of us particularly like shopping so often buy things online rather than going to a shop. In some ways it's just how shopping is nowadays. However, if it's becoming all-consuming and putting you under financial pressure it could potentially be a problem. I'm sorry to hear about your IVF.

Could you set yourself a goal of going for a week or so without buying anything?

I'm like this. I currently have 13 parcels on order (I've started keeping a list!)

It's because I am quite sure that each and every item will make me more beautiful/thin or my house perfect.

It's about perfectionism for me. Quite often, thought, it's only a few pounds so it's not a serious financial problem.

Perhaps just keep a list called "things to buy later" so when you think of something, you don't immediately buy it. Maybe "later" you will realise you don't need it anymore! I keep some of the more expensive things I want on a list like this.

Thank you for all your messages I really appreciate your advice.

With regards getting rid of my smart phone, I would LOVE to do that but its just not practical - probably making a few excuses but I do need it for banking and emails etc. I do love it when we go away and switch our phones off tho - bliss and no shopping!

I have tried making lists and coming back to them but then I just cant get it all out of my head what I supposedly need then feel I cant properly relax until ive got this purchase.

So far today ive bought a jumper, skirt, shoes, PJs and im bidding on another jumper on ebay.

I have told myself that I need a pair of walking boots and some ankle boots then that's it.. no more purchases until November. Im just praying I wont let myself down!!

Why do you need walking boots? What's wrong with the ones you've got?

I don't have any and need some for the dog walking :)

What do you use at the moment?

(Just seeing if you can cope without )

I am prone to this.

Last year I had an epiphany and realised that I was going through periods of obsessing over certain things, spending ages scouring eBay (or whichever shopping site was most appropriate) and buying things. Then I'd move onto something else.

When I finally saw a pattern to what I'd been doing I was kind of embarrassed. I'd get a brief thrill when the thing arrived, but ultimately it was more the thrill of the chase than actually wanting or needing the whatever it was.

Since then it's been quite easy to acknowledge that I don't really want or need the "thing", it's just something I do when I'm feeling bored or down or like I deserve a treat for whatever reason.

Well how about you wear some old trainers for dog walking for a couple of weeks and see how you get on. Maybe look at what you 'need' and challenge yourself to find something you already have that will 'do'.

I know people that have no spend days. Try with one day per week where you won't spend anything - nothing online, no top up supermarket shop, no lunch out. Plan for that day and bring lunch with you. For a while you might end up deferring all your online purchases to the next day, but over time it might help you get out of the habit.

I do this, although we don't have much money so it's cheap stuff, sometimes only thugs costing a couple of pounds for the house etc.

It started when I became ill/disabled so lost my job and my world gradually got narrower and narrower. I think I do it because I like the anticipation of something arriving (today it was a toothbrush timer for the DC ) and it gives me something, even a tiny something, to look forward to. Sad though it is.

Obviously this isn't addressing the underlying issue, but what actually helped me was doing an online groceries shop each week, but adding stuff to the basket throughout the week. It fulfils the urge a little bit. DH tops up our Amazon account each month by a set amount and tells me to spend it just on stuff for myself (he is a saint!) so I try and eke this out and enjoy spending it.

I hope whatever is underneath your buying gets resolved for you. I know how easily it becomes a habit, and then an addiction...

Littlebee76 You have actually described myself, the problem with me I am doing it out of plan old boredom

Some very helpful comments here..

So far today ive bought a jumper, skirt, shoes, PJs and im bidding on another jumper on ebay

Crikey.

It's interesting that you are asking 'what could it mean' - I think shopping is addictive - consumerism is known to be addictive. We live ina society that encourages us to 'want want want' - think we need things that we don't need in the slightest.

Obviously you don't need new things in your life everyday - and it is taking away time you could be reading/ learning/ relaxing/ jogging/ listening to music/ whatever else you want to do that is free and does not involve consumption.

That is a ridiculous amount you have bought today!

You know you could actually survive without any of it? you could wear a t shirt in bed instead of getting new pajamas (or wear old ones) - you don't need wakling boots and you don't need ankle boots.

Imagine that you literally could not have them - would you cope?

you say you get anxious thinking aout things - you are addicted! You need to teach yourself that you don't 'need' these things - and as soon as you learn that you will let go.

Just the fact that you say 'oh I have to get these other things then that is it until November' shows you are not in control. YOu aren't able to stop and say okay I am not buying any more - I want it but I can live without it.

You know what you should do with today's purchases?

Cancel the orders/send them back.

Start giving yourself a week to really think about things. If you still think you NEED that item in a week, then maybe you can buy it.

But it's true that you don't NEED walking boots. I'm sure you have perfectly adequate dog walking footwear already. What have you been wearing up until now?

pinkissimo - for you. I have been housebound through illness and I know exactly what you mean. It's tough - I didn't realise quite how tough until I was in the situation.

I don't have any dog walking shoes as I've only just adopted a rescue dog.

The problem with me is that like another person said, I'm a perfectionist and want everything to be 'just right' and don't feel good about myself if I'm wearing any old thing. I know it's out of hand my shopping and it's not normal to buy the amount of things I do. I know it's down to a more deep routed issue of being insecure and never feeling good enough which I guess stems from my infertility.

Something else came to light yesterday, I remember when I was little, every Sunday my mum used to get the catalogue out, we would sit on her bed and she'd order us clothes as a treat. At the time i remember it feeling really special as she didn't have much money back then. Now I feel like I'm copying that feeling somehow!

I am sure it is linked to your insecurity. Seems like you are trying to fill a hole? I hope that you do mange to conceive. But it seems like you should seek help for your shopping addiction.
Maybe you do need the walking boots?
But how many pairs of pyjamas, jumpers and skirts do you have?
My insecurity manifests itself in feeling not I am worth new things. Why should I spend 30 quid on me when there is so much suffering in the world? Consume resources when there is not enough to go around. My dressing gown I'm wearing now is 15 yrs old. I am rather bored of it but it is good quality, in good condition, colour suits me. If someone bought me a new one for my birthday, it would make me happy. I could get rid of this one. But otherwise I know I will wait until this one looks tired. (It's not a financial issue.)

I'm a bit like this but no where near as extreme. I'm chronically ill. Im away from the world and missing connectivity to it. Would you perhaps consider using some of this money to go and talk through your issues with a therapist? You are worth a lot, just you. You don't need things to give you value.

Sounds just like my mum, constantly needs to spend money (only ever on herself though!) buying clothes and shoes she never even wears, crap and tat for the house she doesn't need or use, everything just either gets horded away or sent off to charity shops to make room for more crap!

Sounds like FIL. With him it's due to loneliness and boredom (and having too much money to fritter!)

I understand this too though. It's like the shopping is filling a hole. Why not make a list of all the things you "need" as the week goes on and then review it at the weekend. Then go to a shop and buy them with cash. Internet shopping is so painless it doesn't seem like real money.

The trouble is, the good feeling is only transient and the credit card bill outlasts it by a long, long way.

You need to find other ways to feel happy and content. I think perhaps the dog walking is a good idea - every time you feel like buying something, take the doggy out instead!

That's so true, it feels like I'm not really spending when its online but when I'm actually in a shop there's no way I'd buy all the things I do!

It's so easy now with one-click ordering! You can almost kid yourself that it doesn't cost money at all.

I think a PP advised about putting a 'break' in - putting things into a basket and then taking 24 hours to see if you really want them. This could be really effective - I find that the urge to possess something dissipates quite quickly with a pause (and a nice cup of tea).

Another thing - think about all the really big ticket items you could buy if you didn't fritter. All those little purchases, added up, are probably equivalent to an amazing holiday, a work of art, something amazing for your kitchen that you will use and love forever (or whatever really gets you motivated).

OP, one thing that did help me was that when I was in a shop and wanted to buy something, I would think

I can either walk out of the shop with the item but a feeling of guilt/loss of control

Or walk out without the item, but feeling virtuous/ in control.

I realised that it was an about even split in terms of how I'd be feeling

Either pleased I had got the item , but guilty (so the guilt spoiled the buzz)

Or not have the item, so having to put it back on the shelf, but feeling good from feeling virtuous/disciplined/controlled

I realised that, unless it was a planned purchase, I couldn't have it both ways ie the buzz without the guilt
That made it easier to walk out without buying

Now the next step for me is not to go in to the shop in the first place!!

Ivf that doesn't work can make that self-critical, perfectionist feeling worse. Give yourself a break and be kind. You are living through what Zita West described as 'a slow-motion car crash' of shock, grief and loss. Do not underestimate its effects.

Of course you have a hole in your life and a gap to fill. It's very, very hard.

Could I suggest, kindly, that instead of addressing the behaviour directly right now, you put some energy into feeling good in yourself? You've probably been strictly controlling what you eat, not drinking coffee, not going out on the piss, blah di blah. It can leave you feeling totally empty. Online shopping is a way to feel good.

If money isn't too tight, you could spend £70 a week on some amazing humanist therapy to explore how you feel about your body and mind. Or a course on sexuality or meditation or something. Or something purely fun like a comedy course.

You have lots of pressure in your life. Time to actively seek out nurturing stuff.

Final thought - if/when your treatment works, or if/when you are able to leave it and move on, your life will get a lot happier! And you will need the skills to enjoy your life and be present.

Good luck op x