Am I normal or is it a shopping addiction?

[Littlebee76]

Just wondering if I'm normal or if I need help..

I can not stop buying. Every single day without fail I'm constantly online shopping. I feel like everyday I think of something new I 'need'then spend hours searching for this new thing that I need, purchase it then the next day I think of the next new thing I need.
Everyday I have a parcel arrive (at least one) and it's actually all consuming!

I love buying myself/the house things but does anyone else do this? I'd actually like to go a few weeks without 'needing' things yet it never seems to give me a day off.

Is this normal?

Its the rush, the enjoyment of browsing, and the spending of money that doesn't seem real, you can't see it, it wasn't there to begin with, so when you've bought something online, it doesn't feel like its real to a point.
Not good for you though sweetheart, I understand about the IVF, and you are obviously desperate for that little rush...but as you know, its gone pretty soon after and like with any addiction, you will start to need to do it more and more...
Its easy for me to say, but you need to be doing something that you enjoy, that gets you out and takes your mind off of shopping. I joined a drama group last year that changed my life. I was so nervous, but the folk there were amazing, this didn't just fill my time, but something else I had been missing. Now, drama might not be your thing, but there are so many groups out there that you are bound to find something you like! Honestly lovely, forget the shopping, its not ever going to bring the happiness it promises, just the brief elation when you look and order, and then when it arrives, you need to feel good about you much more than that, & the only one that can make you do that is yourself.
Loads of love n luck. xxxxx

Look at your last ten purchases......were they wants or needs ?

Are they used or just shoved in a cupboard ?

If you don't have your shopping fix do you feel twitchy? Depressed? Anxious ?

I'm not a hoarder at all, quite the opposite. Ironically I sell a lot of my stuff as I hate having too many things and owning things I don't need!!

My DH never moans but that's because I hide a lot of what arrives so he doesn't know the half of it.

I don't ever go out shopping so I think it's just because a total habit that I really need to break. I reach for my phone to start shopping the minute I get up then often wake in the night and start looking for something that's come into my head.

I was the same op. Everything was thoroughly researched and ordered. Then one day i just stopped? No idea what happened but the urge to splurge just left me. I feel liberated.

I think you are filling the gap in your heart (painful TTC) with shopping. Can you go out for a walk in the park instead? Do an execise class or chat to a friend? Try and miss the odd day of shopping initially.

I'm the opposite. Hate shopping and hate spending money. Poor childhood. Can't spend on myself. I have next to nothing and need a little bit more to keep my life ticking over. Like a few more clothes! I love having less and it means cleaning is easier and my life/brain is less cluttered. I must learn to buy myself more essentials though!

I suffered infertility too and became a bit screen addicted too at that point in my life. I researched instead of shopping. I knew a lot about fertility/treatments/health by the time my babies came along 3 years later.

Well said Carrie that's so true.

Trouble is I've never stopped myself to know how I feel when I don't shop. I know I get anxious buying and I do get a rush from it I'm embarrassed to say but then it's spin over and I just feel guilty again.

You're trying to fill a hole in your life, but the things you 'need' are not the things which will fill that hole, so the hole is still there and you keep trying to fill it.

My other half has a shopping problem, especially if he's feeling depressed. He spends money on hobby stuff that we can't afford and we don't have room for in the house. We are in debt but he doesn't seem to understand how bad it is. One month he spent £600 on hobby things, that's half his monthly pay. We could only cope because we lived for free with his mum at the time. Still struggling to the point where I'm considering asking for a food bank voucher, whilst he still goes and spends £50 on hobby stuff that week... It has made me want to leave on more than one occasion, but he is much better now than he used to be.

It doesn't sound normal, your behaviour. You need to find something you can do - a hobby that you don't need to spend endless amounts of money on, or something. You're trying to fix something you're feeling with shopping, and it will never fix it properly. Perhaps you can try to feel how it is to not shop, and then see if you can work out what you're trying to avoid?

Sorry I missed a post about TTC, I'm sorry you have this problem. Could you talk to someone about it?

Perhaps you could start an online course? Oxford uni has some nice ones, and Open University even have some free ones, then you could immerse yourself in something completely unrelated, that only needs a few books/notebooks!

Blimey!

How can you afford it?

And more to the point - Where do you put all the stuff?!?!?!?!

I think that there is a deep lack of something in your life if you feel the need to fill it with consumer goods - saying that, I love shopping myself! You want to see my Amazon basket - there is about a million items in it. They are all in "Save for later" and I rarely actually order anything. Seems to feed my need to splurge.

I can get a bit like this. I love online shopping and I do love clothes and fabrics, and I know I buy things I don't ned. then often I'm going to alter something or make something and it goes into a pile and takes me ages to get round to it.

I know I've been worse really while going through difficult separation, and I'm sure there is a stress element.

OTOH a lot of what I buy online is pretty sensible - I get all sorts of things, like kids stationery and art stuff, kids' clothes, household items etc off ebay and get them cheap, and we actually do need them and I save money this way. So if I get the urge I try to do actual useful shopping instead of just gazing at things for me.

Also lots of good tips on here like a monthly budget, sending things back, making yourself wait before you decide etc.

I think the main thing that points to it being a problem is the fact you hide it from your husband. I think deep down you know it's "wrong" or you wouldn't be doing that.

Do you spend "your" money or "his" money or family money? If you are spending your money and you can afford it, then you shouldn't feel the need to hide it. If you are spending his money or family money, then I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him you have a problem.

Shopping addiction is like any other addiction and has the same warning signs. Rewrite your posts in your head, substituting alcohol and drinking for shopping. How would you feel if you had to stop shopping cold turkey? Try it and find out. Promise yourself that you aren't going to buy anything for a week. The good thing is, unlike other addictions, it won't actually make you physically ill to stop, which will help.

You would definitely benefit from some counselling to examine your feelings around your struggles to conceive. Go and see your GP and talk to them about whether you would also benefit from some anti depressant medications.

I hope you feel a bit better soon.

I spend loads of time browsing online, but don't buy that much - it's the window shopping I enjoy. I actually hate getting stuff delivered because it's usually anticlimactic, plus I'm quite money-conscious and I hate opening the door to the postman. I just save stuff in baskets and put stuff on Pinterest boards then forget about 95% of it. That tends to satiate my desire to online shop plus it means I know that if I keep going back to something then I actually do want it and don't just think I do because I'm bored

Another problem for me is it's so easy to make yourself feel better with a quick treat purchase. I actually know I can make myself feel better in many other ways - exercise, hobbies, seeing friends - but they are so hard to find the time and headspace to fit in.

Where do you put it all? Don't you just have a house full of tutt and packaging?

As others say above, clear your passwords, clear your card details and unsubscribe from all the incoming emails.

Make that your mission today rather than shopping. It's very satisfying unsubscribing from marketing emails - I have a purge every few months and it's immensely satisfying not to be bombarded with all that sh*t.

It then builds up a bit and I purge again.

Therapeutic, give it a go OP.

I'm like this but getting better slowly.

I started exercising again. I also deleted shopping apps from my phone.

Dh and I also had a period where money was tight so we agreed to discuss any spending on both sides which was over £20. It really really helped.

However I'm slipping back. I'm miserable at work and things aren't great at home.

So take a long look at yourself. The fact you're hiding stuff is a bad sign. But it's great that you've realised it's an issue.

Do you have any hobbies? What else do you do to lift your mood?

I buy a lot of things online too, but like others it's because I don't really 'shop'.

I do think that it can play into a bit of a 'nesting' instinct when you are dealing with issues like infertility or TTC. I sometimes have a sense that if I can just get everything perfect - with spares organised carefully into cupboards so I never run out of everything, everything efficiently boxed, my life running on well-oiled rails - then everything will be OK. I think it's sometimes natural to want to establish control over one part of your life when it feels so lacking in another.

However, I also know this is a delusion - that you can't 'control' life to that extent and that unexpected things will always come up. And spontaneity is a lot of what makes life fun. There is an extent to which the shopping is also counterproductive - you just make more work by doing this, too, which leads to a constant need to adjust your space rather than feeling 'settled'.

I hope that you feel happier soon

I'm like this when I'm stressed or feeling overwhelmed with work/life. As PP have said, it's a warning sign that I need to stop, breathe and take better care of myself.

Can you try to concentrate on what you need, rather than the distractions and whims that occur in the middle of the night or whenever. Making a list of the things I genuinely want/need (rather than stumbling across things and thinking oooh that's nice) works well for me. Personally I'm not a fan of setting budgets, that ends up the same way as diets for me, ie thinking all the time about what I can't have/do.

So sorry to hear about TTC, that can really mess with your head

OP yes you do have a problem which I think you know. Would it help to put on here what you have ordered online in the last day or so, and your reason for doing so, and then we can help talk you through why you don't need it?
Have you tried making an online shopping basket of things you like but then not actually going through the checkout with it?
Do you open all your parcels, or do you have boxes mounting up and not sure what's in them?

Spending can give you a rush of treating yourself buying something releases endorphines for a short while ypu get addicted to the rush apparently. You dont need the stuff you are buying you are not even appreciating the purchase just moving on to the next thing it can be a self esteem issue I think you have an addiction. Relative of mine is the same always needing something new clothes haircuts nails done new cushions rugs her spending is out of control.

I can so relate to this.

I think I found the cure just recently - I mistakenly sent a package for return to another merchant to another merchant! Now I am £177 less and nothing to show for it.

I do this but end up sending 75% of things back. I think it's known as 'shopping bulimia'.

I have managed to calm things down recently but I definitely still get the urge to splurge.
Sorry not much advice as if I knew the solution I'd do it myself

Are there other things you can do to fill your time?

I agree with Skittlesss, I do this and its worse when I'm feeling down about life or something. If I have an argument with the OH I end up spending a few hundred on clothes to make myself feel better. If the sad feeling drags on then the spending gets more but if the feeling goes I'm able to say 'no i don't really need these' and send them back.

I also have the constant feeling that I need something new, new means change, fresh, invigoration suppose it helps me cut through those bad feelings and think new happy thoughts - its definitely psychological and something that really needs tackled, we shouldn't have to rely on spending money on new things to feel good about ourselves.

Another thing to buy - can you get a non-smart phone. The apps and websites are so close to hand, it's like a crutch.

Making it harder to buy might help change your habits and give you some artificial willpower.