Communal food

[OhMrsQ]

morning!
So, I have this group of friends. When we go camping for the weekend, one of the girls (J) always sends out a group text about 'meal combining'. She will say hey lets all combine food, and then say she is bringing something like homemade pickled goods and artichokes (this was last time). The other ladies jump on this.

I hate this. I'm the sole vegetarian, and I like to bring my own food. Which others then like the look of and take some. I can't share any of theirs as its usually meat (and the fecking pickles).

I would like to add the reason this makes me so grumpy is that J had 2 couples over to hers for the long weekend in May. She charged everyone $20 each for food for Saturday dinner, and for the sandwiches on Sunday. I had to bring my own veggie option. The others all got some rubbed beef(?) or something like that.

I don't get it. When I have people over for dinner, I don't charge them!!

But we are all going away again in 2 weeks, and I bet this message comes up again. I want to say no, my boyfriend thinks its rude.

Please, what is the best reply? All I want to bring to be honest is some veggie burgers and a shitload of prossecco. and not share. turns out I can't spell Prosecco. Proseco? anyway.

Yeah, I think it's fine to say you're bringing your own vegetarian option. However, with the complaining about asking for a contribution for dinner, and the worrying about your friends wanting to try your halloumi, you do sound a bit mean to be brutally honest.

I was a bit shocked to be invited for dinner, and then asked to give the host money for it. I have people over all the time and wouldn't dream of asking them for money.

I don't think I'm mean for not wanting to contribute. As I said, I have veggie stuff to offer and they have meat stuff. This means they get to eat what I bring and I don't get to eat what they bring. Apart from the one girl who only brings shit like pickled goods, which is not dinner.

I also said I am making some dessert, as my contribution.

How on earth am I mean?

Not the issue here anyway. The issue was how to respond politely to the text about combining food, which has been solved already thank you.

You're not mean. At all. You shouldn't have to pay the same as everyone else when you're not eating their stuff and bringing your own. And it's perfectly reasonable not to have meat eaters choose to eat your stuff when they can choose from absolutely everything else leaving you with hardly anything.

It's weird to ask people to pay to come to a dinner party.

Absolutely NBU. And I say that as a meat eater. Firstly, when I have vegetarians for dinner, I make sure they have plenty of options and cook mostly/only veggie bc meat eaters can eat anything so this way everyone has a choice. So that's rude of them not to provide enough choice. Secondly, if you're the only veggie one and the rest of the food is mostly not veggie, you should bring your own food. It's unfair for you to get stuck with chips bc everyone else brought kebabs and are eating your food too. Thirdly, I have never heard of anyone making their guests pay for dinner.

Mean is asking your friends to fork out fora dinner party that you invited them to! £20 (I can do £s OP each for five people amounts to £100 for a home cooked meal. Seriously? Think your friend may have made something of a profit there! What on earth was the meal?

Can't do closed brackets, though, obvs!

Jess she made beef rubbed with coffee and something, corn on the cob and salad. I brought my veggie option and wine.
She also made us sandwiches for the Sunday hike.

Um yes, I think she made a profit!

I'm a veggie and in this situation I'd make a jokey comment like 'only if you don't scoff my veggie options/make something I can eat' or something of the like. Don't go if they don't cater for you.

That's just.... I don't have the words!

Seems to be a bit of a 'thing' lately; I saw it a lot on here during the summer re: barbecues. Yes, lovely if people donate a bottle of wine or something, but actually asking people for cash for a meal they have decided to host?! If you can't afford it, don't offer to do it! Apparently eating at other peoples' homes is now akin to eating at a restaurant. They'll be asking for a tip next.

Ps The beef thing sounds horrid - and I'm a meat eater.

Watching my parents host dinner parties every weekend when I was younger, I worked out the done thing was:

Host: Cook awesome food, ask about dietary requirements, keep wine (and soft drinks) flowing.

Guest: Bring a bottle, and perhaps flowers for the host. Always compliment the food. Offer to clean up after.

I find it very strange. The beef thing went down well, from what I could see!