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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this isn't good for my soul

79 replies

Mummyyummy2012 · 26/09/2016 19:45

We rent in an expensive part of the south east. We can't afford to buy if we stay here but my kids are happy in school, I have a great career and a great social life.
However, I opened some post by mistake that was for landlord- we've never had post of theirs sent here before so genuine mistake. It was a mortgage letter- their mortgage is £149 a month and our rent is £1100. I feel really sick - we are trapped not being able to save for our own home despite most of our life being good.
I feel a bit sickened by it all- the years are ticking by- I am in my early 40s now- I just want a place to call my own. Aibu to think it's all not very good for my soul to know that the landlord is making so much money out of us and to move somewhere new/ cheaper (would mean a total relocation) ? Most of my life is great but this housing issue is having a big impact on me!

OP posts:

Humidseptember · 27/09/2016 09:23

to move somewhere new/ cheaper
A relative of mine lived in teeny cramped flat for about ten years in a rough and industrial area, improved flat and threw every single penny at the mortgage, never went away, etc etc etc, very very frugal. They paid off the mortgage then got property no 2, did same thing, again not a great area at all, ex council but in a rough street, improved it and now they are on property no 3, in a lovely area, and lovely house. They have saved and sacrificed nearly everything and they are now mid 50's and its their main pension also.

Andrewofgg · 27/09/2016 09:23

There needs to be some control of rent imho

That worked really well last time, didn't it? The Rent Acts destroyed the private letting market for those who wanted it and for those who didn't.

DoreenLethal · 27/09/2016 09:28

You can't defend the indefensible.

How is this indefensible? You have no idea about the history of the landlord and how they came about their money or their house. They could have used their life savings and just needed a tiny mortgage for the difference?

shovetheholly · 27/09/2016 09:32

It is really unfair and wrong that a basic need, housing, is a vehicle for profit. The problem is not your individual landlord, though, but the system that doesn't control rents and allows some to own tons of property while others are exploited.

Check out shared ownership. You may well be able to afford more than you think. Join Right to the City movements, campaigns for more affordable housing. Agitate for a better world.

EssentialHummus · 27/09/2016 09:33

It's likely to be an interest-only mortgage (most BTL mortgages are), on a property bought when prices were cheaper.

I think you need to reconcile yourself to the fact that you have agency in this situation. You have a great career and social life, as you say. The DC are happy. You've chosen to live where you do and spend your money how you do. If you want a house now, you can move out (relocate kids etc), or start saving aggressively to move out when kids are older. Or take a second job to buy a nicer place sooner. Or accept that your children's happiness and your pleasure is worth £1100 (which is a veritable bargain in the SE).

If it's only just hit you that there is an inherent disparity to renting, you've got time to change things if you want.

swissy56 · 27/09/2016 09:37

That is crap and I would feel bad about it too. But life is unfair my neighbour bought her house for a 100k less than me due to the market, my friend is about to pay her mortgage offer next year at 45! Her parents, good timing and not going to university ensured she bought a house at the right time. I am luckier than most I have a mortgage on a house.

aquawoman · 27/09/2016 09:39

I don't see what is indefensible about it.

Maybe the LL's mum died and he bought the house with an inheritance and a really small mortgage.

I don't see what the size of his mortgage has to do with the market rent that you pay. If you think the rent is too expensive go and live somewhere else.

Smellslikeoranges · 27/09/2016 09:39

It is soul-destroying feeling that you are trapped in an endless cycle of renting and never being able to buy. We are in exactly the same position. But I do not begrudge buy-to-let landlords at all and in fact think that they play a value role in our housing system. I used to live in sweden and there is no buy-to-let market there. It is very strictly controlled by the councils and government, so the rental market is tiny. So there is a lot of what I call middle-class homelessness. People and families with jobs, but no permanent place to live. Subletting month by month. In Stockholm there are often 100 applications for the shittiest flat, which goes to monied young professionals. Living in a fucking garden shed with a 7-month-old and two working parents is soul-destroying. We live in an over-populated world. A good job, good schools, good social life in a nice part of town and your own house doesn't seem to be possible without some sacrifices now. We have given up the social life to try to get ourselves on the housing ladder and then we will probably invest in regard to our pensions.

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 27/09/2016 09:45

RainyDayBear. So, are you annoyed another neighbour pays a different amount on their mortgage than you do? Do you think if someone bought next door instead & got a 100% mortgage that you should then increase your mortgage payments to the same as theirs?

What the owner of the property does or does not pay on a mortgage is totally irrelevant to people renting the property. The only thing they can compare their payments to is the market rent in their area.

shovetheholly · 27/09/2016 09:47

Perhaps the problem is the fact that we have a housing market?? Maybe some of life's necessities shouldn't be marketised, or the market should be more closely regulated? There are loads of alternatives to capitalism - this is not the way it has to be.

SilverDragonfly1 · 27/09/2016 09:48

TheProblemOfSusan whose name I appreciate, is spot on.

GrumpyOldBag · 27/09/2016 09:48

YABVU.

Presumably you are paying a fair market rate for the house, in an expensive part of the country, and enjoy the other benefits that brings too such as good schools and access to a good job.

The landlord's own financial situation is completely irrelevant. They are perfectly entitled to earn a fair market return on their asset. Would you rather they sold the house and invested the cash in the arms trade, or tobacco stocks? Then where would you live?

Mortgages are at record lows at the moment. I had to take out my first mortgage when interest rates were 15%. I've been on the housing ladder for over 25 years but still not mortgage-free. Owning property is hard work.

SilverDragonfly1 · 27/09/2016 09:49

Yes shovetheholly, thank you! Sometimes I feel completely alone in that opinion.

thelonggame · 27/09/2016 09:53

agree with pp, the mortgage payments are totally irrelevant.
I live in the SE in a 4 bed house, but we have a small mortgage now because we have worked hard and paid most of it off instead of spending on flash holidays and cars.
For what I pay on the mortgage here I could just about rent a studio flat in the same area.
Just try not to think about it and get on with enjoying your own life.

thescruffiestgiantintown · 27/09/2016 09:53

DH and I own a flat which we rent out. We don't have a mortgage. We bought the flat with money he inherited. Both of his parents died before he was 20; before they saw him marry, set up his career, have children. Our kids will never know their GPs on one side. Trust me, that's a lot worse for one's 'soul' than paying a high rent.

YABU and ridiculous.

myfriendnigel · 27/09/2016 09:54

I totally get how you feel.it is just the way it is, as pp have said, and logically you know that and are aware that the landlord might have worked hard to get himself in the position of being a landlord, paying a big deposit etc etc...but it still feels galling to you to be working very hard and not getting what you want. Im in a similar position and although I try hard not to it's difficult to stop comparing my situation with those of friends who have had windfalls, friends who got lucky with house prices etc. It's not helpful to do it but it's just my nature unfortunately (though I don't bear anyone in a more fortunate position than me any ill will, I'm just a bit jealous whilst also being pleased for them). Living in the south east (or other expensive area) is a mugs game sometimes if you aren't mega well off yourself.
I guess you have to balance what's more important-your social life, kids being settled etc against wanting to own your own house and having a different quality of life perhaps.none of us can say which should be more important to you op, but if it's the latter why not explore the option of moving somewhere cheaper?

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 27/09/2016 09:55

smellslikeoranges. I'm sorry you're finding it so hard, I hope you can buy within a reasonable time frame.

I used to live in sweden and there is no buy-to-let market there. It is very strictly controlled by the councils and government, so the rental market is tiny. So there is a lot of what I call middle-class homelessness. People and families with jobs, but no permanent place to live. Subletting month by month. In Stockholm there are often 100 applications for the shittiest flat, which goes to monied young professionals. Living in a fucking garden shed with a 7-month-old and two working parents is soul-destroying

^ that is what people need to hear & understand though. Many people in the UK seem to think that Landlords are the problem, the scum of the earth. They don't seem to understand that if wasn't for private landlords the situation would be far worse.

Rent control? People really, really need to look at how that worked out last time before declaring that to be the answer.

EmGee · 27/09/2016 09:56

Don't forget he LL will probably have to pay a hefty tax on his rental income of 12 x monthly 1100. Not to mention the costs incurred in renting a property (management fees, insurance, repairs, decorating etc....)

spicyfajitas · 27/09/2016 09:57

It is hard. If you moved, you could pay 550 per month for a very decent house, bank the other 550 and have a decent deposit with a few years. However due to where you want and need to live, getting together a deposit and buying is more difficult.
We live in such an area, but schools, transport links, leisure activities, even hospital provision aren't great.
I don't think it's helpful to compare yours and your landlords situation, but rather look at your own choices and see if there are ways to make changes that still provide you with a standard of living you feel happy with.

TinyTear · 27/09/2016 09:57

For all you know that is an interest only mortgage and when /if he sells the landlord will have to find the whole price of the property.

the landlord also needs contingency funds to fix things, if the boiler breaks, if there is a leak and so on.

owning isn't all that great, my boiler keeps developing issues and i am getting tired of having to keep sorting it out and sometimes i wish i had someone to just call and come fix it all for me...

GingerbreadLatteToGo · 27/09/2016 10:00

shovetheholly

Perhaps the problem is the fact that we have a housing market??

Seriously? What do you suggest? The Govt just gives everyone a house when they turn 18?

swissy56 · 27/09/2016 10:02

Yes that would be a great idea Ginger!

WarholsLittleQueen · 27/09/2016 10:02

Its not fair...the housing situation in this country is a fucking disgrace. I don't blame the landlord though, sounds like he/she is charging you a "fair" rent for the area (although I live in the midlands and 1100 a month is eye watering to me and not at all fair but there we go) Maybe your landlord was lucky and bought years ago or maybe came into money for a big deposit or something.

But I can totally understand why you find this depressing

Longlost10 · 27/09/2016 10:03

It could well be an interest only mortgage, it could well be that he had a 75% deposit, it could be all sorts of things, you don't know. He could well be paying hundreds of pounds more into another policy to repay the mortgage at the end of term. He could also be repaying a loan he took out for a deposit. He is almost certainly paying massive mortgage insurance, life insurance and tenancy insurance too. Never mind building insurance!You just don't know

YelloDraw · 27/09/2016 10:11

It is really unfair and wrong that a basic need, housing, is a vehicle for profit

It isn't a basic need to have a nice house in a nice area!

OP could have made sacrifices (living in a less nice area, living in a smaller flat with her and her husband sleeping in the sitting room) etc if she wanted to, but she didn't. So don't go bandying around the 'basic need' bullshit.

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