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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or am i just feeling bitter?

41 replies

lou33 · 05/02/2007 19:55

Exh has called the kids maybe twice since xmas, and the last one of those, he only spoke to dd1 as i had taken the others out swimming with my current partner.

When i got home dd1 said that he told her i should call him back to speak to the other kids. He is in thailand btw and was expecting me to call him from landline to mobile. I actually dont have his number any more, but even so i dont see why i should pay for him to speak to them, when he barely keeps in touch with them, and hasnt supported them since we split. He also told dd1 that i had been ignoring texts and emails from him, which is just rubbish as i havent had any contact with him for ages now, probably the end of november. This of course upset and confused dd1 (she is almost 15)

Now today, dd2 gets an email from him (she is 10), with a video attached of him. So i dl it for them, call them all in, they all sit down excited to see/hear from him, and what do they get?

Him looking pissed out of his head (i know the signs), and he said " hello dd1, dd2,ds1,ds2, it's dad. Just saying hello and i hope to see you soon one day. Bye"

i've probably left the odd word out, but it was that short

dd1 started crying and the others just sat there like was that it?

i am angry that if he was going to do something like that then he should a) be sober and b) have spent a bit bloody longer making some effort.

or should i be pleased he even sent them a video of himself at all?

OP posts:
Dior · 05/02/2007 20:03

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 05/02/2007 20:04

He sounds like a twat and i'd be fuming.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/02/2007 20:06

Can they reply with a video telling them what they think/feel?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/02/2007 20:07

At least then, he'll have a tougher job of trying to make out that its all you and not what they really think, iykwim?

TeeCee · 05/02/2007 20:08

Mate, he sounds like he has massive issues and they are manisfesting themselves in his being a shit dad at the moment.
Me thinks a word in his shell like.

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:12

no i dont have that facility

he doesnt send any maintenance cos he can get away with it being in asia

oh and also as i wont pay his credit card bills to support him and his 6m pg gf, he feels he should keep the money he gets for himself

apparently they are living on peanuts and he has to pay for her medical bills..

OP posts:
Dior · 05/02/2007 20:14

Message withdrawn

Freckle · 05/02/2007 20:15

In future, you'll just have to preview stuff and either decide not to show the children or warn them not to get too excited.

He really is a shit, isn't he? Your poor children.

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:15

TC, i have tried since we split in nov 05 to make him see sense and be reasonable, but it's now at the point that i cant even email him as he uses it as an excuse to rant at me

OP posts:
TeeCee · 05/02/2007 20:16

He doesn't give you a penny for his 4 kids

And his girlfriend is up the stick

OH!

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:17

he was always fairly hands on with he kids but made more effort when others were about not to come over like a drunken twat

he got worse and worse

OP posts:
TeeCee · 05/02/2007 20:17

He wasn't always such an arse was he?
Can you do nothing about getting money out of him?

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:21

yes tc and yes

he knew her 5 mins, met her in a bar in thailand where she was working (she is thai), and now they are having a baby

she sent a text to dd1 once saying that her dad cries every day and misses them, which had dd1 in absolute floods

i went beserk and replied, told exh she isnt to do that again and he defended her actions!

i really cant talk to him as he keeps telling me how i have everything and he has nothing because i wanted to ruin his life

OP posts:
nutcracker · 05/02/2007 20:22

I'd be absolutly fuming Lou I really would.

TeeCee · 05/02/2007 20:22

oh mate

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:23

i think he probably was i just didnt see it, certainly for the last 4 years or so of our relationshipi was really miserable

and i cant get money out of him as he wont give me an address

i cant even divorce his arse, i think it's the one thing he knows he has control of in my life

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:26

tc i feel absolutely nothing about him haing another baby, from my pov, but i feel sorry for my kids who think he will forget them, and his new kiddie and gf, because i suspect he has done it for the wrong reasons

OP posts:
TeeCee · 05/02/2007 20:29

I can see that mate, think I'd be exactly the same. Just sorry for your beautiful kids and sorry he's not supporting you and being such an arse and being so difficult and immature.

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:33

if i email him he will end up saying how dare i, he paid my mobile phone bill on his credit card while we were together

he always does lol

OP posts:
Caligula · 05/02/2007 20:33

No you're not being unreasonable, it's absolutely shocking how someone can go from being your partner, however inadequate on occasion, to an absolute arse in the space of a couple of years isn't it?

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 20:37

omg yes

OP posts:
eemie · 05/02/2007 21:01

Is there anything that can be retrieved out of this for your children?

Can they reply with e-mails telling him how they think/feel?

Can you tell him how eager they were to see his video and can he put a bit more into it next time? (sorry - maybe not from what you say further down).

Is snail mail an option? Harder for him to rant back at you.

Sorry you are going through this. Cannot imagine the anguish dd would go through without her Dad, and you have it multiplied.

Original poster
lou33 · 05/02/2007 22:16

i try v hard not to show my feelings for his behaviour around the kids, so they dont get tainted by my perspective, they love him

he wont give me an address to write, i've asked him for an address before so i can divorce him, but he wont

dd1 has written before, with my encouragement, asking him various questions and saying how she feels, but he doesnt really answer them, and also she is scared she will upset his feelings, bless her

i have told her he is an adult and can cope with the q's she needs answers too but she wont do it

OP posts:
Original poster
lou33 · 06/02/2007 21:00

so today it's obviously been on dd1's mind, as she came straight in from school and started bullying her siblings, shouted and spoke to me in a manner i absolutely will not accept, so she got grounded indefinitely (she already had about a week left to go on a grounding from a couple of weeks ago for similar)

she carried on giving me cheek so she had nintendo ds access removed, she still continued so i took pc access from her

call me harsh because she is going through a bad time, but i cant let her act like it without punishment, or the younger ones will see she gets away with it and try the same thing

OP posts:
Caligula · 07/02/2007 10:27

Oh Lou it sounds like a nightmare.

It sounds like your DD is upping and upping the stakes all the time to see how far she can push you.

No advice on this, I haven't got the joy of teenagers yet, just wanted to let you know that someone's still listening and sympathising and someone else might come along with some proper practical advice!