Do people think there's a genuine problem with bullying on AIBU?

[LikeDylanInTheMovies]

Yes people can be vile on some threads and go in for personal attacks. They can't be nice to be on the end of.

However of late, I've noticed that an ops are sometimes very ready to claim 'you're all vile and I'm being bullied' and storm off in high dudgeon, simply because they aren't getting the responses they wanted and they don't like people disagreeing with them. Sometimes the responses can be quite critical of the op's conduct and be expressed in robust terms , but so long as it isn't a personal attack, I think that's probably fair enough. To my mind there's a huge difference between telling someone:

'I think what you did yesterday was dangerous and could have had serious consequences for your child' is not what someone wants to hear but isn't bullying.

Whereas 'you sound like a shit parent, how did you sleep last night? I can only hope social services are around tomorrow to take your kids away' probably is bullying. as it takes the form of a character assassination

On these boards I see a lot of the former and rather less of the latter.

Am i being unreasonable to think that if you ask a question, you should expect an answer you may not agree with or am I being blase about this issue and AIBU is genuinely becoming a haven for bullies?

I haven't witnessed anything that looks like bullying. People can be rude yes, OP's get pissed off when they are told that YABU.

If you see something bad then report it. Reading and using MN isn't compulsory.

"There was a thread yesterday where OP was repeatedly bludgeoned and railed at for having the temerity to use the word "hub" in her OP. (Instead of DH or whatever)."

Yes that was very unpleasant and unnecessary. IIRC the OP was asking for advice on her relationship. If someone did that in real life there is no way people would ignore that request and seize on and criticise the particular wording or terminology the person used instead.

They would either offer helpful advice or not. They wouldn't pile in criticising something which was entirely unimportant and irrelevant.

Haven't seen bullying but as others have said, I consider bullying to be repeated targetting not just rudeness.
Some replies I do find extremely rude and am certain the writers would NEVER say such things to a persons face so in that case I view those people with contempt.

I think there's more of an issue with people being deliberately thick across the boards tbh.

There was a thread yesterday where OP was repeatedly bludgeoned and railed at for having the temerity to use the word "hub" in her OP. (Instead of DH or whatever)

Bludgeoned seems a bit dramatic. What did people actually say?

It's got to be better than 'DH'.

Bludgeoned seems a bit dramatic. What did people actually say?

Constant carping at her by posters, some of whom clearly thought they were great wits.

I think that repeated comments from individual posters can feel like bullying not from an individual but from a collective.

It would be helpful if it were possible to somehow group all the posts which are saying almost word for word the same thing under a RTFT tag.

Having been on the receiving end of some fairly 'robust' AIBU comments it can be difficult not to feel bullied even though individually the posts arent bullying. It is the cumulative effect which can feel bullying.

Some posters do almost willfully seize on one aspect of an OP and then completely fail to answer the question. The 'hub' comments were a prime example of this.

I dont think there is a problem with bullying on AIBU, as that implies long-term sustained attacks directed at particular individuals.

I do think there is a problem with nastiness, YABUing for the sake if it, really exaggerating how awful the OP's behaviour has been, and generally refusing to acknowledge any shades of grey in the situation.

YANBU there isn't a problem with bullying on here (unless you count the bullies who pop up and call you a bully/twat/cunt/troll/cruel for disagreeing with anyone about anything ever).

It's got to be better than 'DH'

Ugh. No no no! Hate "hub" though I'll accept that "hubs" is worse

am certain the writers would NEVER say such things to a persons face so in that case I view those people with contempt.

Why? This isn't face to face, is it? Do you behave in exactly the same way when driving, when in the post office queue as you would on here? Life isn't a homogeneous existence (thank goodness) - it's good to be able to read unbridled opinions sometimes, even if they are rude.

Yes. I think AIBU is awful. I'd never put a thread on here for fear it would be torn to shreds. I've noticed when people have doubled up, say, in parenting or relationships, the posts have been much more measured and far more helpful.

There does seem to be a culture on Mumsnet that just because it's AIBU, it's OK to be a baying mob. I have seen some quite awful threads with people trying to defend themselves right, left and centre and being quoted completely out of context and sometimes referenced from other threads. I've also seen people with such low self esteem that they agree that they should have that treatment and that's really sad.

Honest answer, I do think AIBU should be ditched. There's nothing that can't be covered in the other forums anyway.

fast normally I'd say so, but it was pretty unpleasant. It was a bit of a pile on and was utterly irrelevant to the topic and about as clear cut case of playing the man and not the ball you'll see on AIBU.

On the substance of the issue the *op came across a bit unwilling to consider any views other than her own, but that was unrelated to the shoeing she got for the use of the word 'hub' for husband.

Flowery that's a fair point, a hobby orientated forum* I'm a member of is far more civil but the topics are far narrower, far less controversial and all of us have an interest and varying degrees of knowledge on the topic.

*yeah... its a rail enthusiasts website, but if any of you mock train spotting, you're all vile bullies and I'm going to take my pacamac and weak lemon squash and flounce out.

I think gandalf's description of a baying mob is accurate. The question is whether that forms collective bullying.

being quoted completely out of context and sometimes referenced

Yep, frustrating when that happens. I just take it as a sign that the poster is a bit thick and is a bit nasty and isn't capable of dealing with the substance of an issue but wants to get stuck in like the big girls (and boys) on AIBU.

I find it is best dealt with my clarifying what I said once and if they're determined to bang that particular drum, let them get on with it and ignore all subsequent posts.

I realised I used to know one of the people who posted a lot on AIBU in rl. Her online persona was similar to the reality.

She was a bully on here and is a proper bully in rl. She is vile to her poor kids. She was banned a few years back.

It does attract some right cunts. But that said often the OP themselves needs to accept they are not always in the right. I have a few kicking on her, did me some good in the long run!

Bullying does get bounded around far too frequently these days.

I think a lot of OP's don't like the truth when it hits them. AIBU on here is the most brutally honest forum, where people just don't blow smoke up each other's arses & talk fluff.
I think if I genuinely had an issue, I would put it to this forum rather than any other.
There are some brilliant posters on here & I learn things nearly everyday on here