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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my pals to pay for themselves at a meal for MY birthday?

27 replies

jeangenie · 05/02/2007 15:20

have invited 5 couples out next w/e to celebrate my bday. Know them all fairly well, 3 of them VERY well and two quite well. I never even thought anyone would expect me to pay until I read a thread on here today.

Bloody hell, is this going to be awkward? I can't afford to pay for them all...

(nobody has ever paid my bill when I've been out to celebrate a bday, but then I haven't done that many)

OP posts:
Hulababy · 05/02/2007 15:21

So lonmg as everyone knows in advance that they are expected to pay, then no problem IMO.

Sheraz · 05/02/2007 15:21

I wouldn't mind. WE norammly split the bill when we go out unless someone specifically offers to pay, but I would never expect the birthday person yo pay.

prettymum · 05/02/2007 15:24

i always organise a meal for my birthday with friends and we all pay for our own meal or split the bill, never expected to pay everyones bill.

puddle · 05/02/2007 15:27

I would expect to pay.

maybe talk about how you'll divide the bill up before ordering?

Psychobabble · 05/02/2007 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harpsichordcarrier · 05/02/2007 15:30

gracious me, no I would always split the bill
and always choose somewhere that everyone coudl afford. If it is someone's birthday, I might offer to buy them a drink.

dassie · 05/02/2007 15:31

Are you referring to the party thread? I think that is different as you are being invited as a guest.

If you are going out to a restaurant I think it is the norm for the bill to be split and the birthday girl to be exempt! But then it depends on how you phrased the invite I suppose!

HuwEdwards · 05/02/2007 15:32

Like Hula says make sure everyone knows what the deal is.

We went to a friend's meal a few years ago. One couple had to leave early and just upped and went - they assumed the meal was being paid for.

All very awkward.

Skyler · 05/02/2007 15:33

No, bill just split. I would never expect anyone to pay for my meal out. Actually I would find it embarrassing and feel I couldn't have the king prawns etc. I am sure it won't be an issue at all. Have fun!

Original poster
jeangenie · 05/02/2007 15:39

phew! looks like I don't have to remortgage the house after all then...

(restaurant not mega expensive, but not super cheap either)

thanks oh jury of MN

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 05/02/2007 17:27

I did that for my 40th. If I hadn't we wouldn't have been able to afford it. My friends were happy to be able to celebrate with me and didn't mind in the slightest. But do make everyone aware first otherwise it could be a bit awkward.

MoreSpamThanGlam · 05/02/2007 19:48

I think it would be a nice gesture to pay for a bottle of champagne or something like that.

A friend invite a few couples out to the races for the day for her birthday. We had to buy a new outfit, babysitters, taxi there and back, food, drink and the bets. Plus a gift of course.

Her husband is loaded and the rest of us are not. They won a fortune on the races and didnt even buy a round extra out of the winnings.

still....takes all sorts.

Original poster
jeangenie · 05/02/2007 22:11

was planning to buy some cocktails or a bottle of champagne to kick things off

no-one should need to buy a new outfit, it's upstairs at a pub (nice though) and in central london so easy public transport to and fro

people will need babysitters, that's true, but then I like to think they are getting an excuse for a night out that they might not otherwise have had (my friends and me can need excuses for things like this!)

they seem quite excited...I am

OP posts:
Tommy · 05/02/2007 22:18

have a great time!

I don't know anyone who would assume that a meal like this would be paid for - you go to a restaurant, you pay for your meal.

edam · 05/02/2007 22:21

Very different from the other thread, I think. That was a party, this is dinner at a restaurant. Your plan is fine!

fortyplus · 05/02/2007 22:23

I'm sure they won't be expecting you to pay.
If it was one other couple then maybe, but no reasonable person would expect you to pay for 10 other people.
Maybe order a couple of bottles of Champagne - that would be very generous in my book!

soph28 · 05/02/2007 22:27

I also don't know ANYONE who would ever expect a meal to be paid for. TBH it wouldn't even have crossed my mind.

PeachesMcLean · 05/02/2007 22:29

I'd never suggest going out for my birthday if I thought I was going to have to pay...! Subway anybody??

Ladymuck · 05/02/2007 22:33

I think that it does depend on your existing relationship with the people, the wording of the invite and what has been typical practice with these friends in the past.

It might be worth doublechecking with the woman that your closest with in order to see what assumption they have made?

cat64 · 05/02/2007 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

twelveyeargap · 05/02/2007 22:53

I think people would expect to pay at a birthday meal unless you said "I'll take you out for dinner."

If you're referring to the thread about being asked to contribute to a party - it's a bit different. Being asked for cash to pay for a party you didn't plan, or get any choice in, is different to choosing from a menu and paying for said choice.

Debsbear · 21/02/2012 14:57

I wouldn't expect to pay for everyone else at my birthday celebration, in the past the most common arrangement would be for others (not the birthday girl)to suggest going out to celebrate and then they would split the bill between them. If I suggested going out for MY birthday, I would expect to pay for my own but no-one else's.

aldiwhore · 21/02/2012 14:58

I have never been invited out for a birthday meal and expected not to pay.

I have never been invited to a birthday party and expected to pay.

I think I am normal.

mojitomania · 21/02/2012 15:30

On my 40th everyone paid for their bill but I paid for extra wine/champers.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 21/02/2012 15:35

I always go out for my bday with friends...we go for a meal, we all pay for our own meals. I have never had to explain that I am not paying for them, I think thats bizzare to be honest!