Should I tell my parents when they are ring overbearing about my parenting?

[Bananacabana]

I'll try to make this short as I can. For many years I have struggled with my overbearing parents. I have two children one of which I brought up as a lone parent. My parents seem to continually think I need their input, even though I haven't asked for it and am in my late thirties!

DS1 is going away on a trip this weekend and I've just received an email from my father telling me how I should dress my DS1!! Should I reply telling him he is interfering or just ignore this? We had a massive row last year about them undermining my parenting, I tried talking to them but to no avail so kept them at a distance and as soon as I let my guard down and see them a bit more often or ask anything, they see fit to tell me how to parent my children.

There are many more instances I could give and so wondering if it's just the last straw or AIBU? Also if I should tell him to back off?

Oh I would just get Ds in on the joke the. They are never going to change.

OP, Are you me?!

I have exactly the same issue, I spent the first few years of my eldests life as a single mum. Was very much seen as incapable ( even though I worked with children!), I'm now married, 2 children and well and truly grown up enough to make my own decisions!!

Mum and Dad ( particularly dad...) are very over bearing. DS1 is very bright, very much like my brother, and my Dad in particular seems to think he's parenting again. He has an opinion on everything and if, as DS's PARENTS, we make any decisions that are not what Dad would do we know all about it.

I've recently found it incredibly overbearing and I'm trying to steer clear of telling them too much detail and so far, so good.....

I would just say something non-committal like 'thanks, I'll bear that in mind.'

If you tell yourself it's coming from a place of love and congratulate yourself on providing a listening ear for their worries you might be able to make peace with it and move on.

It may take all your willpower not to say 'do you feel better for telling me that' but you can silently think it!.)

Can I give a view from the other end?

My dd had her dts quite young and because there were two and because she was young and they were her first, I did get quite involved.

This kind of set the tone and I stayed involved in my head iyswim. The trouble was, as the dts have grown I took a while to realise I could step back. One day my dd said to me 'It's alright Mum don't worry, I can handle it'.

I was actually quite relieved. I no longer feel that I have semi-responsibility and can relax and enjoy my dgc more knowing my dd is confident now as a parent herself.

It may be that your parents are trying to share some of the burden with you as you are a lp?

Try reassuring them first. Emphasise how confident you are in being able to cope and follow it up with that you can always ask them if you would like their advice. They might need to hear it a few times. It might be a relief to them.

Read the e-mail. Is there anything useful in it? Sometimes there can be. If yes - good. If not, no problem. Then either ignore or reply with "thx for e-mail but all under control and by the way how are you?"Keeps it pleasant and nice. No need to make a thing of it.

Hope DS enjoys the trip.

Thanks for the replies, it seems there are a lot of people in a similar position! It's also interesting to see it from the point of view of the parent helping.

I've discussed in length with both my parents my issue with their over involvement repeatedly but they still go ahead as usual.

I'll probably reply to most of the email and either ignore the DS comment or address it in a joking manner and from then on keep shtum about everything!

Thanks again for all the help

Dear Dad

I received a really weird text from you. I assume it was for someone else?

From daughter (aged 37 3/4)