To let my son dress how he likes?

[Fettuccinecarbonara]

Ds is 3.5
He has chin length curly brown hair. He loves it.

He has 2 older sisters.

Ds is very into diggers and dinosaurs and cars.

But he loves pink and turquoise clothes, hair clips and sparkles.

His sisters regularly 'do' his hair and make up. He chooses to either dress as a dinosaur or a princess.

I have let him do whatever he wants. I am pretty sure he is just copying his sisters (who had much clearer views of their identity than ds does)

But ds nursery and a couple of my friends have recently told me the following
'I'm worried about your son'
'It's time to cut his hair I think!'
'If you bought him clothes in boys colours it would be easier for him'
'He needs to learn to play with the boys, he's too sensitive'

And suddenly, I'm at a loss. What age is too 'old' to let ds do what he wants? Should I help him to comply with traditional gender expectations? Am I stifling him? Should I be pointing out what other boys do and wear?

He is very aware he is a boy, but prefers girls.

Dh is quite a quiet man and we have no living fathers, so ds does not have much of a masculine influence in his life.

If it helps, I don't think my daughter ever got teased. Though one boy who met her for the first time at a mutual friend's party did actually cry because the dissonance between her looking like a boy but being a girl was just too much for him.

Have a chat with the nursery about the destructive impact of gender stereotyping. Would they be suggesting that a 3 year old girl who likes diggers and dungarees should be encouraged to choose dolls and pretty pink dresses?

When my 8 year old DD has a bunch in her hair for school, so does 4 year old DS. He wants to be like his big sister! He has short hair but looks really funky with a little bunch done with a loom band. When he was in nursery I heard one of the other boys tell him that 'boys don't have bunches'. My DS looked at him like he was mad and gently said 'yes they do'.

If my older child was a boy, I''m sure DS would be equally influenced by him.

Now my DS is 4 he is less likely to want to wear a dress. But I have let him go to town in a sundress recently. It was hot and he said it was cooler than shorts. I"m sure it was!!!

I'd be surprised if the other nursery boys cared at all, or barely even noticed tbh.

We have a little boy in school who always wears school dresses, has long hair tied up, 'girls' style leggings, etc. The children are all really accepting of anyone. They just accept this child as he is, both boys and girls. TBH there are possible some who don't know if this child is a girl or a boy, name isn't obviously either.

The children won't care.
Its the staff (the adults) who care about it - and they are wrong to do so, in this case.

The first women to wear trousers were ridiculed. Thanks to them we can all wear trousers now without comment. Unfortunately the same hasn't happened yet for boys and men

Brilliant point - worth remembering. Really important. Every single bit of clothing I'm wearing today (boxer shorts, jeans, trainers, sports socks, a long-sleeve t-shirt, a hoodie, no bra) started out as designated "male" clothing. But I can wear them all with no-one suggestion I need to change into a frilly dress & knee socks.

and reluctantly, I corrected your BRILLIANT typo

I used to work in a nursery. One of our local pro rugby players was in my nursery class most often found in pick sparkly shoes and a cinderella dress.

My friends two year old lives in a frozen dress.

Sod them all

" But I can wear them all with no-one suggestion I need to change into a frilly dress & knee socks. "

that is different . If a woman cross dresses (as we all do these days, I am wearing jeans and rugby shirt as we speak) then she is dressing up.
If a man or boy wants to put on a dress he is dressing down.

I will never forget my brother coming home from school breathlessly, and telling us 'tomboys' (who were probably digging mud pies in the garden in our jeans) that at his school there was a boy who wanted to be a girl.

Even as tiny cross dressers we were shocked! we were quite aware that this was down not up.

Guess who that boy was? Actually only over 50s will remember him.

My DS did this a lot. Grew out of it. If anyone commented I just would say 'he's copying his sister' and shrug.

Tell everyone he's trans and watch them suddenly agree with how he dresses

I do think it's very different - more accepted - when girls wear 'boys' clothes'. They are tomboys. It's harder for boys who like pink and sparkles, but doesn't mean that they should be forced to conform.

My son used to wear his sister's pink frilly nightgowns. Every night for months. He didn't go out in her clothes though, and I'm not sure what I would have done if he had. I admire anyone who says 'sod them, I'm letting him wear what he wants', but I would have been worried about the response from others.

Saying that, the comment about being too sensitive is rubbish. Boys have feelings and emotions, and they shouldn't be pushed aside.

Let him be him and ignore other people. FFS there is no 'girls clothes' 'boys haircuts' 'boys toys' and such

My 2 year old boy is currently obsessed with his sisters sparkly shoes and plays with her barbie more often than toys that were bought for him. If he still likes dolls by xmas we will buy him a doll..just until recently he expressed preference for dinosaurs and trucks. Fuck anyone who tells me he is 'wrong' or that I am.

If a woman cross dresses (as we all do these days, I am wearing jeans and rugby shirt as we speak) then she is dressing up.
If a man or boy wants to put on a dress he is dressing down.

Unless he's doing drag, and then he parodies & disses femininity.

Tell everyone he's trans and watch them suddenly agree with how he dresses LOL. This would be an interesting social experiment eh...watch them all fall over themselves to be 'accepting'

If it was the other way round and a girl doing 'boy stuff' and wearing 'boys clothes' she would be called a Tom boy and nobody would give a toss. Who said a dress is girl's clothes anyway. Years ago people were appalled when females wore trousers. Let him be what he wants. I worked in a nursery where a lad always wore pink and often a skirt, nobody should be judging other people on what they wear. Let him enjoy his childhood and if he does not grow out of it, then so be it!

titchy

" Unless he's doing drag, and then he parodies & disses femininity."

exactly