Aibu to not forgive and forget

[Lovinglife786]

Hi all first post on mn so please bear with me I feel I had a bad childhood which my mother admits to but my father says there are people who have been through worse I harbour alot of anger towards my parents I think and I say think before sometimes I feel love towards them and at other times I don't want them in my life but I feel guilty at the thought of just cutting them out of my life let me give you a few examples of my childhood

My parents were shoplifters they would take me and my younger brother out with them but would leave us in the back of my fathers van for hours at a time a few days a week after school and every saturday

My mother was a drinker and my dad smoked cannabis

My father was very dominant and controlling and my mother was scared of him and would do anything to please him I witnessed a lot of domestic violence and would lie under my duvet at night scared to death

My father hung himself in front of me and my brother when I was thirteen and he was five because my mother left him for a short while,he survived and she took him back

When I was about eight my dad got sent to prison for two years for smashing my uncle's house up in this time I remember my mother posing at the top of the stairs in her underwear and asking me to take pictures of her so she could send him

Alot if times I would wake up at night and they would of gone out for what seemed like hours I remember been very scared

Tbh I could go on and one but these are the main things that do my head in,I have a relationship with both parents still but only because I feel to guilty to cut them of ,I'm sorry if I have given tmi or if I have posted in the wrong place I just want honest replies as I have never really spoke about this aibu to not forgive and forget I am otherwise happy in other aspects of life but I just can't let this go aibu

I would say that there is no need to try and forgive, what they did was unforgivable
Perhaps try and let go of any need for validation, or revenge or whatever iit is that makes you keep contacting them

Can you work out what it is that makes you contact them, is there something that you are hoping they will do or say?

Your father would say that others had worse childhoods, because he is trying minimise/excuse the (truly awful) stuff you were put through and the fact he and your mother did not prioritise the needs of their children.

It sounds like you are looking for closure through an acknowledgment by him of the fact that he failed you, badly. Sadly, this may not be forthcoming. One way of looking at that is seeing that it reinforces rather than invalidates your experiences, as he continues to show the selfishness and lack of concern that damaged your childhood.

All you can do is to protect yourself now and part of that is deciding whether a continuing relationship with him benefits you in any way.

I sincerely wish you the best.

Get some professional therapy so you can make the decisions regarding your life. We can all tell you to go nc but unless you deal with the issues their terrible parenting created then you get sucked back in

Shiningexample I think the reason I stay in contact is because my father has mellowed out over the years and is OK with me now and as he is now on his own I think it would eat me up inside to cut contact especially if something was to happen to either of them

but is it reasonable to feel that you have any kind of duty to be there for them or to be especially concerned for their wellbeing?

reading your account I want to say 'look after yourself, put your own wellbeing first'