.....to think that this is not an unreasonable house rule?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

DS1 (5 yo) has a tendency to throw things as part of general playtime. I will be sitting on the sofa and all of a sudden something will go flying past my line of sight. I do not like this. I do not consider it to be acceptable behavior from anyone who's older than 3 yo and capable of following rules generally (he is fine at school). I have told him I do not like this and that if he absolutely must throw, he can do it in the hallway (nothing breakable there), in his room (break your own shit, I don't care) or outside in the garden, but not in the communal areas like living room, kitchen and bathroom. He doesn't listen.

DH claims that I am being completely unreasonable and has mitigated the rule to 'No throwing HARD things' i.e. soft items can be thrown with impunity. I have said I don't like this and have requested that it stop; I have basically been told to suck it up.

I'm really unhappy at having what I think is a perfectly reasonable request be basically just fucking ignored by the other people in my house, particularly by my husband who is old enough to understand the request and comply with it.

I have started to wonder if I'm being unreasonably sensitive in not wanting items flying around the room unpredictably.

AIBU?

[dowhatnow]

If your 5 year old is playing control games with you and is being allowed to do this with your Dh's support, you are soon going to be having much bigger problems than throwing in the house.

[DoinItFine]

He doesn't readily admit to being incorrect, Doin



He doesn't admit to being wrong to throw a glass of water over you in an argument?

It is so, so wrong.

Now you have a child overstepping boundaries in quite a worrying way.

There is a link.

I think regardless of the house rule aboyt what may be thrown and where, you get to mske your own rule that nothing at all may be thrown near you, because you don't like and won't put up with it.

I would be picking up and binning anything thrown under those circumstances, once I had made it clear it was not acceptable.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

DS1 does mostly have good manners and will comply with requests that he considers to be reasonable. It's just that he very often does not listen to what you've said, or chooses to ignore it. He does this to both me and DH, only DH is more forgiving of it and has an 'Ah, he'll come round' attitude. I think we need to be firmer with him but I don't feel like I have that unconditional support atm. I do try to enforce the rules myself, I'm not just rolling over.

I dread DS1 getting older and being a right arse , with DH still defending him and saying it's all fine even though his friends aren't like that

[DollyBarton]

Is your DH in the house all day long having shit whizz past his face unexpectedly? If not, how about you spend the weekend randomly firing soft things around his eye level and see how much he likes it then.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

I dread DS1 getting older and being a right arse , with DH still defending him and saying it's all fine even though his friends aren't like that

Hmm, if he can't obey the 'no throwing' rule at home, he may not at others houses. It will be interesting to see if your husband will have to start picking your son up from friends houses for being to boisterous/throwing things. I hope not, that would be very embarrassing for both of them.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

No, he's not - tbf neither am I! I work PT, he works FT. Funny how there's less throwing when I'm the only parent around and have full power over their punishments

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Oh, he also claims that I am absurd for claiming to be embarrassed by my DC's behaviour and that I shouldn't be, because kids are kids and everyone's kids act like this.

[HereIAm20]

No throwing anything - at all - in the house.

He will not learn that it is not normal to throw things and when he visits other houses not know how to behave appropriately there. Is he at school? what if he thinks it is ok to throw things around the classroom (he'll soon find out its not!)

[HereIAm20]

Also your Dh is as you are well aware a twat - and no - not everybody's kids behave like that.

[JudyCoolibar]

Prop all DH's more fragile belonging up in strategic positions in the sitting room and see how long he maintains the view that throwing soft things is fine.

[Olympiathequeen]

Well that's the way things go unless you DH grows up!

It's not normal for children and people to throw things! 3 yo yes, but still needs discouraging, but certainly not 5 and your DH is an idiot if he thinks that behaviour will go down well anywhere.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I live in fear of DS doing this shit at other people's houses, esp when I'm not there; we have now entered the world of school playdates after all.

We had another child over on Monday and DS1 acted up to the extent that I had to shut him in the hallway for 5 minutes (our standard timeout place). Visiting (beautifully polite) child was clearly intrigued by it all. In fairness, DS1 did give in surprisingly quickly on that occasion. I wondered if I might have embarrassed him in front of his friend. If I did: good. Maybe he'll learn.

[Kr1stina]

if I tell DS1 to bugger off upstairs and do his throwing there, he won't. It has to be right there, with me in the room. It's all power and control and I hate it. If he'd just go upstairs and do it there then there wouldn't be a problem

So there are two males in your home throwing things at you to express their power and control? It seems your son is learning some dangerous lessons from his Dad

This. So you don't have a throwing problem, you have a Dh problem .

[Scarydinosaurs]

You have a massive DH problem

[furryminkymoo]

I wouldn't allow throwing anything at that age. A soft item could knock over a hot drink, glass etc etc

[dowhatnow]

Kids have to learn that different places and people have different rules eg they can get away with stuff at the GP's that parents wouldn't allow etc. Your rules are different to DH's and should be adhered to, but you are right this is seriously hindered if he won't back you up when it is your rule and you are present.

Fine let him throw but not near you. If DH doesn't back you up on the compromise of not throwing near you, then you have a serious DH problem.
All he needs to say is "Not near mummy, she doesn't like it"

TBH without his support over the tiny little incidents, they will gradually become bigger issues and then it will be too late as DS will have learnt to just ignore you both. You are right to be concerned.
At least if you separate he could learn what is acceptable in one house, isn't in another. Together, you have no chance if DH takes the attitude of "kids will be kids" Look seriously at your relationship. Do you have any power at all or is it always what DH says, goes? You need to compromise and meet in the middle and make some ground rules that must always be enforced.

[dowhatnow]

And DS2 will soon start to copy Ds1 so soon there will be 3 against 1.

[Socksey]

Totally agree.... no throwing in the living room etc.... fair enough in my DS bedroom... he can live with the consequences of lego being embedded in his foot....
I have cupboards with glass fronts and a soft toy could possibly break it... it's not safety glass and no, I have no intention of putting in safety glass... it's been that way over 100 years....
I agree balloons are more reasonable... they pop rather than break stuff even though they are annoying... but even they can knock stuff over....
If a 5 year old child can't understand the difference between something being acceptable in one room but not another as someone mentioned then that is a real problem and needs to be addressed as life is full of that and at 5 they should be grasping that.... even my DS at 18months knew he was allowed to access some drawers in the kitchen but not others.... it was not at all confusing.....
He's a normal, boisterous 7 year old boy... I have old cupboards and nice glassware downstairs (including some large Waterford Crystal stuff given as a gift to my parents) and so far there have been no breakages or injuries....

[Youarenotprepared]

if I tell DS1 to bugger off upstairs and do his throwing there, he won't. It has to be right there, with me in the room. It's all power and control and I hate it. If he'd just go upstairs and do it there then there wouldn't be a problem

So there are two males in your home throwing things at you to express their power and control? It seems your son is learning some dangerous lessons from his Dad

Absolutely this. You need to sort it out or get out. No throwing is a rule in every house my kids have ever been to. It's pretty basic surely? Throwing is disrespectful and dangerous. You want to throw go outside and play ball.

[Mycatsabastard]

There is a complete no throwing rule in this house. Absolutely nothing.

I think if you allow him to throw things in certain places or allow him to throw certain things then as he gets older his brother will join in and you will have two boys who are a lot bigger than they are now, just throwing things around with complete disregard for any belongings.

Time to stop it completely. If he wants to throw a ball he goes outside. Everything else is a complete no.

Your husband is a dick btw.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Seems very much like your DH treats you as beneath him and your son is copying him.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Ok, I'll answer that. No kids of mine threw stuff other than balls in the garden so no, not all kids do it.

[dowhatnow]

Seems very much like your DH treats you as beneath him and your son is copying him.

Yes and soon the younger son will too.

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

We have a no throwing rule. If ds1 threw something then he lost whichever toy it was for the rest of the day. This was due to a lot of breakages. Not that my house is stuffed full of ornaments and breakables, but ds1 was utterly unable to distinguish between soft toys, hard toys and things that weren't toys at all and he'd chuck stuff about either for fun or frustration.
DH agreed with me. I was strict and ds1 got the idea very quickly.
If he wants to play catch, he asks now.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

"I was sitting on the sofa and he was about to go up to bed (with his glass of water) when we were discussing this. He threw said glass of water over me during the conversation, apparently in an attempt to show me how funny throwing stuff is."

Fucking hell, what a dickhead!

No, all children don't do this. Mine have never thrown toys. Sometimes 8 year old starts throwing a small soft ball around and I tell him to do it in the hallway but I would never have put up with things being thrown around. I won't let them mistreat their toys as they have to learn to look after things and treat it with respect. DS threw a small toy spider near me the other night in a fit of rage (we are having a few battles with this at the moment), I picked it up, said I assumed he didn't want it and threw it in the bin. He cried his eyes out over it but he will have learnt.

Thankfully my DH would agree with me. Yours sounds like a nob and unfortunately your DS is going to have the same appalling attitude towards you and total,lack of respect for you as that's what his dad is showing.

As an aside, my 8 year old is being an argumentative, ignorant and frustrating brat at the moment. His behaviour is driving me mad. Put him in school or someone else's house and he is a model child so don't worry too much about it. They generally know how to behave and save their boundary testing for their parents. Lucky us!