.....to think that this is not an unreasonable house rule?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

DS1 (5 yo) has a tendency to throw things as part of general playtime. I will be sitting on the sofa and all of a sudden something will go flying past my line of sight. I do not like this. I do not consider it to be acceptable behavior from anyone who's older than 3 yo and capable of following rules generally (he is fine at school). I have told him I do not like this and that if he absolutely must throw, he can do it in the hallway (nothing breakable there), in his room (break your own shit, I don't care) or outside in the garden, but not in the communal areas like living room, kitchen and bathroom. He doesn't listen.

DH claims that I am being completely unreasonable and has mitigated the rule to 'No throwing HARD things' i.e. soft items can be thrown with impunity. I have said I don't like this and have requested that it stop; I have basically been told to suck it up.

I'm really unhappy at having what I think is a perfectly reasonable request be basically just fucking ignored by the other people in my house, particularly by my husband who is old enough to understand the request and comply with it.

I have started to wonder if I'm being unreasonably sensitive in not wanting items flying around the room unpredictably.

AIBU?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Btw NoCapes I am sorry about your LG, that is awful thankfully we've had no proper accidents in our house. Just the constant low-level erosion of my mental health!

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

I'm hoping they'll be virtually invisible before she gets to an age where they bother her
If it helps, my sister had exactly this kind of injury when she was a toddler- twice! The scars were gone/not visible by the time she was about 12 (possibly before, I didn't really pay attention at the time).

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Look, I don't respond well when provoked and make stupid choices sometimes too. Don't get me wrong, I am not happy about it. I can categorise once as a mistake, but twice is a pattern and that's when it gets serious for me. He was sternly instructed to never fucking do that again.

I'm not minimising it, although I am conscious of how much it sounds like I am.....

[Banderwassnatched]

Contessa- sure, but throwing can be useful in the same way for all kids. It's not impossible to allow kids to throw if they want/need to- we allowed him to throw toys in the dining room when there's no one else in there, or up the stairs provided no one is coming up or down. He can throw his 'cuddlies', nothing else. To me it seems like banning paint because it is 'messy'- I wouldn't ban it just because it causes me an inconvenience.

[eightbluebirds]

No YANBU at all. No throwing in communal areas. Even throwing soft things can knock things over or catch someone in the eye. I once gave OH a black eye with bubble wrap

[NataliaOsipova]

NoCapes I hadn't properly read your post before I posted. Must have been awful for you. Hope your little girl continues to get better. One of mine pulled a cup of tea on herself; luckily most of it missed her, bit I'm still very aware that it only takes a second for something catastrophic to happen. Throwing things around, even as the OP's DH is suggesting, just seems like asking for trouble.

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

It sounds like your husband is more concerned with being "fun Dad" that actually parenting his child, OP.
We have a blanket ban on throwing things in the house, ever. The kids have plenty of space outside to throw stuff if they need to (although even then we talk to them about not throwing towards the road or power cables.)
Throwing water over you is not funny, obviously. It's horrid of him to put you in the position of always being the killjoy, the one with no sense of humour etc. and I'd be furious about that.

[PurpleDaisies]

To me it seems like banning paint because it is 'messy'- I wouldn't ban it just because it causes me an inconvenience.

That is not equivalent, I don't know any parent who would let a small child paint unsupervised.

Children do not need to throw indoors.

[DoinItFine]

He threw said glass of water over me during the conversation, apparently in an attempt to show me how funny throwing stuff is.

He's a bit of a cunt, isn't he?

[Huppopapa]

YANBU!
Does your DP throw soft things at work?
There is a place for throwing things: indeed, there are lots of them. Inside the house is not it. It is violence, plain and simple. And that is something there is just too much of.

[Banderwassnatched]

Again, PD, throwing helps my son develop the skills for handwriting. Outdoors he could hit a window or a car- neighbours are a problem- indoors we can make it work, even if other parents think it should never need to happen.

[Huppopapa]

grammar meltdown Apols.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

No, throwing things isn't ok. If there's no line now, next it will be things like Nerf Guns and such being used in the house (had a younger sibling who got away with this shit. Trying to leave the house without being shot with a nerf or BB gun was a nightmare ).

It's all fun and games until he hits or breaks something of your husband's, then he won't find it funny. By that time it may be too late to undo the 'throwing rule'. Maybe start a game of basketball next to something expensive to see how 'accept' he finds it then!

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Bander the annoying thing to me is that if I tell DS1 to bugger off upstairs and do his throwing there, he won't. It has to be right there, with me in the room. It's all power and control and I hate it. If he'd just go upstairs and do it there then there wouldn't be a problem.

He definitely does not need any practice with fine or gross motor skills; he's really very physically adept (as in, others have commented on it without prompting). That's also an annoyance; if he's so good at it then why the fuck can't he aim elsewhere?!

[Banderwassnatched]

... we Nerf in the house too, actually. Are we the only people not in a living room groaning under the weight of wobbly antiques and crystal vases?

[PurpleDaisies]

Bander the annoying thing to me is that if I tell DS1 to bugger off upstairs and do his throwing there, he won't. It has to be right there, with me in the room. It's all power and control and I hate it. If he'd just go upstairs and do it there then there wouldn't be a problem.

This isn't about throwing-it's about him pushing boundaries. You have to stand your ground and make him stop or you're storing up all sorts of trouble for the future.

[Banderwassnatched]

I get that, Contessa. If Dex can't dollow the throwing rules we don't let him throw- it is horrible to have stuff whizzing past you or into you all the time. But it's like any other thing- if you can put boundaries around it, it's fine.

[dodobookends]

The rule in our house was no throwing at all

[DoinItFine]

It's weird that an argument that ended in an act of domestic violence by him against you didn't immediately put the matter to rest.

He proved that his perspective on throwing in the house is not remotely reasonable.

Throwing a glass of water on somebody means you lost whatever argument you failed to have.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

We don't have any of those things either Bander - DC would have taken and broken them by now

We have a very unfussy house - it's just cluttered. I cannot cope with the air being cluttered as well.

[DoinItFine]

if I tell DS1 to bugger off upstairs and do his throwing there, he won't. It has to be right there, with me in the room. It's all power and control and I hate it. If he'd just go upstairs and do it there then there wouldn't be a problem.

So there are two males in your home throwing things at you to express their power and control?

It seems your son is learning some dangerous lessons from his Dad.

[Huppopapa]

DoinItFine has the last word! That!

[AppleMagic]

He's old enough to understand that throwing around you is not ok even if your dh won't enforce it. Dd is 4.5 and knows she can get away with pens in the living room area when I am not around but that she'd be in trouble if I see her drawing with them away from the table. Similarly, I prioritise her hood over her helmet when scooting to school in the rain but dh always picks helmet.

I have bad spatial awareness so find people throwing stuff near me stressful too as I can't tell if it's going to hit me or not.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

He doesn't readily admit to being incorrect, Doin.

I agree that DS1 is horrendous for pushing boundaries. I stand my ground on a lot and tbf H does back me up on the more obviously unreasonable ones (like 'stop hitting your brother'), but it's so hard.

I was raised in a house where if you acted up, you got hit across the face. I do my best with talking and shouting and issuing instructions/demands/praise/positive reinforcement etc, but my internal default is 'Child misbehave, child get hit across face'. I've never done it to my own kids, but it's often near the surface. Being undermined by H on policies that I consider to be basic good manners really does not help me to keep cool and use words.

I feel like I'm being assaulted on all sides basically. Well not by DS2 admittedly, he is a sweetie if you keep him supplied with crackers and Peppa Pig.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

One of my practical solutions to the problem is that I set up games where they can throw or fire stuff in a more organised way. That way I don't get stressed and even join in and the DC have fun.I might set up a pyramid of paper cups and then we take turns in throwing a beanbag or ball at them to knock them down. Or a tuppaware box on the floor and see who can get the ball in from the furthest away.