to think this isn't bad hosting?

[lalalalyra]

We had a relative of DH's staying. Well, I say we, but really it's me as DH is working away for 12 weeks. It was a last minute thing, they were at a conference for 4 days and were meant to be staying with PIL, but FIL's health has left him not really up to guests at the moment.

We've juggled round rooms so he had a comfortable room with a desk, tv etc and an en suite (my two 13yos left their room for 4 days to facilitate this). I made a dinner for him each night and left it in the oven. When he arrived I showed him where everything was and said to help himself at any time.

I don't drink tea or coffee so I'm shit at remembering to offer after the first cup when people arrive. Everyone knows to just help themselves though.

I've picked him up twice when there were train issues and I made sure the kids didn't annoy him in the mornings at breakfast.

He left this morning and drove home after his conference and I'm bloody fuming at a "jokey" (but obviously barbed) comment about staying in a hotel the next time as he'd actually get a cup of tea occasionally and his ironing done! Ungrateful shit!

However, in my moan to my friend she let slip that actually she thinks not offering cups of tea and coffee to guests isn't good. I always do when people first arrive, but tbh I just think 'make it your home' and happily let guests get on with it. No one has ever commented negatively before but I'm wondering if they are all secretly thinking I'm a shit host.

In my defence I'm juggling 6 kids and a new au pair (first ever au pair as have baby that needs lots of medical appointments) at the moment so making tea and coffee isn't high on the agenda

[NotMe321]

Ask him how many hotels pick their guests up for free from their conferences when there are train issues. And how many hotels put guests up for four nights without charging.

[KC225]

He is an idiot. No way would any normal person impose on someone alone with six kids for a start off. A bottle of wine and a bunch flowers is what I would take for an invitation to lunch.

I don't drink tea or coffee and apparently I make a cup of poison. Have worked in offices where I have been banned from the kettle. A cup of tea on arrival is appropriate but it is quite reasonable for to ask him to help himself bearing he was not invited but you were doing him a favour .

His comment was ungrateful and smug, especially when you know he couldn't afford a hotel. And surely at a hotel, he would be making his own tea/coffee in his room unless he was ordering room service when having his pressed items delivered by housekeeping in his imaginary hotel.

Your friend is wrong to question your hoestessing skills based on tea and coffee. You moved your kids, fed him, gave him lifts and thoughtful of noise around him. You went above and beyond. He was not invited, he was not paying, you did a great job under exceptional (alone with six kids) circumstances.

I am glad your DH was mad on your behalf and has given him what for. Great that he has your back OP. Good luck with the next few months.

[WittyPutDown]

I'd have assumed it was a joke. Not a funny one to be fair but a joke non the less. If he is usually ok why would assume he said it to be nasty?

[PovertyPain]

I love your bil, OP. He sounds fucking brilliant and I'm glad he told the prick to fuck off.

[Donatellalymanmoss]

Was it a very poor attempt at humour?

[GingerbreadLatteToGo]

If it was an attempt at humour it was pretty bloody badly misjudged.

I love your BIL. I hope your DH is next in line to tell him to do one!

[DontMindMe1]

Send him a text with a bill for the 4 days of services he received - tell him you know he wanted the hotel experience and it isn't too late to make it so!

That's if he was being arsey about it though. I've made jokes like that before - but only after thanking the hosts. It's my sense of humour and my way of appreciating the effort the effort they put in.

That's only with friends who know me though, not sure it would come across the same with other people

[PGPsabitch]

Cheeky shit. I'd send him a trip advisor link on an email with all the local hotels on it and a curt 'for next time' in the subject line. I'd also tell your dh.

Your friend was wrong. You offered and then did the best thing of letting him treat himself. He's obviously a lazy bugger if he needs handholds and teas made rather then getting off his arse

[QuintessentialShadow]

DH will flip when he finds out (which he will because my BIL has seen it and reacted by telling him to get a fucking hotel next time).

What do you mean?

Has the relative complained on Facebook?

[birdsdestiny]

I think op means that BIL has seen this thread?
It may have been a badly misjudged joke , but actually a pp is right, to impose yourself on someone on their own with six children, is just rude. Even if a close friend offered me this I don't think I would take them up on it.

[KatharinaRosalie]

Which hotel exactly will do your ironing and serve you cups of tea FOR FREE?

Unless you locked away the ironing board and refused to let him use it, did he really think YOU should be doing his ironing? Why on earth?

[QuintessentialShadow]

If he was pleasant and polite during his stay, maybe this was just a misguided attempt to let you know he would not impose on you in future, as you had already done so much?

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

My close friends not only make their own drinks, they make them for me too. You did nothing wrong. In the circs having him to stay was nothing short of heroic.

This man is an arsehole. I'd avoid him in future.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

I imagine you were so astonished by his "little joke" that you didn't say anything. I hate it when that happens. Still, your DH is going to have a go at the tosser so it's all good.

[exexpat]

I'm just wondering what hotels he has been staying in that offer to make you cups of tea or coffee all the time - doesn't sound like any hotel I've ever stayed at...

Access to proper mugs and fresh milk in your fridge sounds way better than the miniature cups and capsules of UHT you get in most hotel rooms. And hotel ironing either takes hours and costs a bomb or they offer you an iron in your own room.

[MrsCaecilius]

Am I the only person who reads that as an ill judged compliment?

It sounds to me as though he appreciates what a wonderful host the OP is and is saying (badly) that she did everything she could to make him welcome.

It doesn't sound as though he was an arse as a guest, so why assume he's being a dick?

[Humidseptember]

Unbelievable. I would have snapped back something.

Yes I am a tea lover and YES I am usually gasping when I go somewhere for one, but I ask if non is forth coming and I think being able to help yourself is the most welcoming lovely thing really rather than having to rely on others...even so really really really rude comment, I would get dh to call and ask im to apoligise and send you some flowers.

[Humidseptember]

No way would any normal person impose on someone alone with six kids for a start off.



^ this dh needs to make him apologise

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

I can't see any way in which this obnoxious man meant it as a compliment. When you consider the circumstances under which this stay took place, any even faintly courteous or considerate person would be offering the most profuse of thanks. Little jokes about her hospitality are filthy bad manners.

[lalalalyra]

He wasn't joking, and it wasn't a back handed compliment. He made the comment on social media forgetting that he has my 17-year-old DS and my BIL on there. He's clearly disappointed he didn't have my MIL waiting on him hand and foot which (I'm presuming) she has done when he's stayed with them before.

My "friend" appears to another example at me being shit at choosing friends. Or at least spotting ones that are not very good ones. My BIL just said "friend took the chance to make someone else feel shit? Is that really a surprise?" and he's right, it's not really.

Thanks. He won't be staying here again and "friend" won't be invited half as often.

On the upside my very lovely BIL and his gf have said my house is like a second home because they are just welcomed in and treated like the family who live here so that was nice to hear.

[Drbint]

Heh heh heh. I like your BIL. And the fact he isn't surprised at your 'friend' speaks volumes. Fuck her off with that wanker cousin!!!

[KatharinaRosalie]

I still really don't get it. a perfectly able man in his 30s expects you to do his ironing? Why? Is that normal? i would never expect the host to do that - I might ask if I can use the iron if I need it. What else, did you polish his shoes and pack his lunchbox?

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Your BIL is great. Your DH's cousin is an arse and your friend is thoughtless but I wouldn't read too much into her comment. Who cares what she thinks. I frequently don't agree with my friends on certain things but I just keep quiet as everyone has their own way of doing things.

I'm rubbish at remembering to make drinks and I drink them. It's just I tend to do it at set times so outside of that, I don't even think of it. Before my brother has just said "can I make a cup of tea" and off he goes. Builders etc get a shit time here as I don't think of it then either and I certainly don't offer food. I couldn't give a shiney shite what others think though.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

Oh and you sound like a great host! Children kicked out of rooms so guest can have en suite and dinner in the oven and children kept from disturbing guest. What's more to want. (Tea and ironing clearly ).

[NewPotatoes]

Oh for god's sake, the idiot clearly thought he was staying at the priests' house in Fr Ted, where Mrs Doyle would waterboard him with cups of tea 24/7. The man is a pig and should have got a hotel anyway, when the ILs weren't able to put him up, rather than impose on someone with six children, a new au pair and an unwell baby. Wouldn't any normal person, especially when work would presumably have funded conference expenses, be completely horrified to have been an extra mouth to feed in a busy household and to have been the cause of two teenagers moving out of their room? I would have been prostrating myself with gratitude!