to think this isn't bad hosting?

[lalalalyra]

We had a relative of DH's staying. Well, I say we, but really it's me as DH is working away for 12 weeks. It was a last minute thing, they were at a conference for 4 days and were meant to be staying with PIL, but FIL's health has left him not really up to guests at the moment.

We've juggled round rooms so he had a comfortable room with a desk, tv etc and an en suite (my two 13yos left their room for 4 days to facilitate this). I made a dinner for him each night and left it in the oven. When he arrived I showed him where everything was and said to help himself at any time.

I don't drink tea or coffee so I'm shit at remembering to offer after the first cup when people arrive. Everyone knows to just help themselves though.

I've picked him up twice when there were train issues and I made sure the kids didn't annoy him in the mornings at breakfast.

He left this morning and drove home after his conference and I'm bloody fuming at a "jokey" (but obviously barbed) comment about staying in a hotel the next time as he'd actually get a cup of tea occasionally and his ironing done! Ungrateful shit!

However, in my moan to my friend she let slip that actually she thinks not offering cups of tea and coffee to guests isn't good. I always do when people first arrive, but tbh I just think 'make it your home' and happily let guests get on with it. No one has ever commented negatively before but I'm wondering if they are all secretly thinking I'm a shit host.

In my defence I'm juggling 6 kids and a new au pair (first ever au pair as have baby that needs lots of medical appointments) at the moment so making tea and coffee isn't high on the agenda

[QuintessentialShadow]

Wow, such bad manners.

What did you respond to his comment?

What did your husband say when he heard about his relatives bad behaviour?

[bedouincheek]

So I'm presuming he left you a hundred (or so) quid to take the family out for a meal or day out, seeing as their home / sleeping spaces were taken over for most of a week. The very least he could do.
If not, he surely hasn't the money to do so, so should have made a grovelling thank you on exit.
Then shouted from the rooftops, just how incredible you and your family are.
If he was able to make a contribution, then he can fuck the fuck off.

If he is in a position where he has a full time job managing at least 6 people, make tea / coffee and iron their shirts too, then do please ask for mentorship, and pass that info on, because we could all learn a thing or two.

Personally, never let him in the door again unless he bings you all tea and biscuits.

[altiara]

I'm fuming on your behalf and too angry to write more

[DerekSprechenZeDick]

Maybe it was literally just a joke? Kind of shit me and my friends would say.

Your friend is a little strange though.

[GingerbreadLatteToGo]

Your friend was being a twat, if she makes a habit of it, find new friends.

Your unasked for 'guest' was an enormously rude, ignorant, ungrateful shit. He was very fortunate that you were willing & able to put him up when your PIL weren't up to visitors. He showed no gratitude for your hospitality at all. You moved your kids out of their room, made him dinner, picked him up a couple of times & told him to help himself. FFS. Without 6 kids and a new au pair that's a lot. 6 kids & an AP on to of that you're a total star!

Tea & ironing. Fucker.

What relationship is he to your DH?

[LyndaNotLinda]

Oh FGS tell your friend to fuck off. Six kids, a baby with medical needs and a new AP? You were a saint to put the bloke up at all!

In any event, this isn't about tea, he mentioned ironing. I think you should send him a bill

[QuintessentialShadow]

And yes, your friend was a numpty.

[PikachuBoo]

He's fucking rude in my book.
If he's at a work conference there is no way the 'generational' excuse can come into play - he's just a git.
Surely you take your shirts already ironed to a conference? And maybe freshen them up if you are a shit packer?
At a hotel you pay for ironing to be done and it takes forever - so most people do their own.
I would tell DH and PIL he was an ungrateful bastard and you won't be having him again.

[GingerbreadLatteToGo]

Haffdongga. I'm pretty sure the OP didn't just open the front door & say 'make yourself at home'. I think she just spared us every single moment of the tour of the house/kitchen. 😁

[Youarenotprepared]

I never drink tea. Count yourself lucky if I remembered to buy some and put it in the cupboard. If you can't function without tea or coffee there is a kettle in the kitchen.

You gave him a comfortable room, tea every night and facilities to wash, dress, sleep and make his own tea. Make him go to the damn hotel next time.

Your friend is an ass as well. If you are making a drink it's rude not to offer one to guests but why can't they help themselves if they drink more than you?

[TattyCat]

Send him a message as a follow up..

"... was delighted to have hosted my 7th child for 4 days." Followed by "disappointment can be experienced in direct proportion to expectation"

[Youarenotprepared]

Please make yourself a tea or coffee whenever you want it. I don't drink it but the mugs are here, coffee's here and help yourself to milk in the fridge

This is what we do. A friend coined the term "refrigerator rights" basically if you are a guest in my house you have the right to take my milk to make your coffee.

[TattyCat]

Surely you take your shirts already ironed to a conference? And maybe freshen them up if you are a shit packer?

P'raps he doesn't have a little wife at home to do that for him?

[maddening]

Well you weren't hosting a guest anyway, you were putting yourself out for a relative as a favour, he was fucking rude

[Julia001]

wanker ! and a rude wanker at that !!

Although, perhaps if someone comes to stay again, it might be better to say to them, "I dont drink tea and coffee so I will never remember to offer them, but please help yourself as necessary" but still, he is a fucktard !

[S1lentAllTheseYears]

He expected you to do his ironing?? Fuck that!!

I would happily make my own brews at your house if you gave me the heads up that you don't drink them so won't remember to offer them. I'd actually be secretly pleased that I could just get a drink when I wanted one without having to offer you one too, haha!

[MargaretCavendish]

He is an absolute twat.

I will include the slight caveat that I have stayed with 'make yourself at home!' people before and it does make me uncomfortable: realistically, I'm not just going to help myself to a drink in anyone but immediate family's/best friends' homes, so it means I just constantly want a drink for the duration of my stay.

I say this, though, in mild defence of your friend (who might think like me) but no defence at all of the relative, who is absolutely dreadful and who you should never allow to stay again under any circumstances.

[MrsJoeyMaynard]

Sounds rude to me.

You give him somewhere to stay at the last minute (displacing your children from their bedroom), provide dinner every night, give him lifts when he has transport problems, whilst dealing singlehandedly with 6 children.... and he has the cheek to complain about not enough cups of tea or ironing?

It would hardly have killed him to say "mind if I make myself a cup of tea?" Or "can I borrow your iron?", would it? Bearing in mind that you're not running a hotel for his convenience and all.

And your friend is being ridiculous. Not offering a drink if someone's visiting for just an hour or two would be poor hosting, but that's entirely different to running around after a houseguest with tea / coffee for 4 days.

[Lynnm63]

What an absolute ungrateful twat. Ironing indeed. If he asks again tell him the hotel idea of his was brilliant and to stay in one because your hotel is closed.
If you'd put me up I'd have made you endless cups of tea and either have taken you all out on the last night or left you cash to treat you all to a meal after I'd gone.

[JellyBelli]

Oh bless him. How sad that a grown man doesnt know how to make a cup of tea.

[lalalalyra]

haffa I did make him tea when he arrived and showed him where everything was. He did happily help himself to tea and biscuits, well appeared too. Dd1 and DS1 made him coffee a couple of times when they were having it (in the general "I'm making X, anyone want one?" way).

He's self employed and not doing too well hence why PIL were going to put him up to save him hotel costs.

And there's no generational thing, he's in his 30's - I'm not sure exactly how old he is as he's DH's cousin, but he's less than 40 as as his older brother was 40 last year.

DH will flip when he finds out (which he will because my BIL has seen it and reacted by telling him to get a fucking hotel next time). He's working away for 12 weeks and then after a short stint home another 12 weeks as the contract will give us a financial buffer enough to change to a job that doesn't require travel. It'll be a shit few months, but then life will be better from then on so worth it, but not needing shit from random people.

Thank you.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Did he give you a gift for hosting him? Or cook you a meal? Or did he just sponge for four days?

I'm just trying to establish exactly what kind of a rude twat he is.

[lalalalyra]

He brought a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers when he arrived.

He did put his cups/plates in the dishwasher, and thanked the kids when they cleared the table.

I thought he enjoyed his stay.

And I thought my friend enjoyed coming here. She's thrown me more than him tbh.

[MidniteScribbler]

I never make tea or coffee for people who are staying, because I don't drink it myself. I consider myself a good hostess if I actually remember to buy some before they arrive. They can help themselves.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

In that cause I suspect he's made himself look like an unreconstructed pillock an ill judged joke and she's maybe playing devil's advocate/has a slightly more uptight attitude to hosting.

Neither you nor she is wrong except she totally is, I'm like you just different.