To be angry at being berated on the street

[epuclake]

So I was in town with a friend and 2 year old ds today. Friend was buying a top and me and ds stood outside to wait for her, looking in shop windows. I took a couple of puffs on my ecigarette (not a great habit, I know, and am working on packing it in). Some guy comes past giving me a really hard time about smoking with a child. I pointed out it was an ecigarette, we're outdoors etc, but he just continued talking back at me with a patronising scowl as he walked away.

It was really humiliating, heads turned. He really shamed me, which I guess was the point. And of course, it's not ideal to smoke in any form around kids, but I just don't think it's the place of a random stranger to take it upon themselves to go round judging and berating on the street.

I know it's a minor thing, but it really annoyed and upset me. Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive.

Is there any situation you would do the same and pull a stranger up about something, or was this guy just a judgey arsehole?

He had no right to say anything at all, let alone make a scene.

You already know it's 'not a look' and none of us know how bad it is for you, so I hope you feel able to give it up soon, but I'm sure it's not easy. I'm always very very thankful that I never started smoking because I'm sure I'd have found it hell to give up! You've started & I'm sure you can finish 💐 If it adds any incentive a couple of my cousins 'vape' now their kids (youngest is only bloody 3) think it's 'cool' & want to vape - it's all about the fun & flavours. My cousins think it's cool/funny. I think it's disgusting & not something to be proud of. Get that image in your mind & I'm sure it will help your resolve!

Utter walker. That's all.

I hope someone pulls this shit on Ronda Rousey when she has a kid.

Well done for quitting smoking!

The bloke was an arsehole and PP are right, he wouldn't have targeted a man.

Vaping is massively massively safer than smoking and there is no discernible risk to bystanders, including your DC. If you struggle to stay off fags without vaping then you needn't be in any hurry to quit. I'm not, I love being relapse-proof.

Are they the new "cool" thing? - no, we look like twats apparently

More seriously, there does not appear to be much risk at all of nicotine addiction via vaping. Young people are experimenting (as they will with everying), but:

Regular use of EC among youth is rare with around 2% using at least monthly and 0.5% weekly. A minority of British youth report having tried EC (national estimates suggest around 12%). Whilst there was some experimentation with EC among never smokers, nearly all those using EC regularly were cigarette smokers (PHE's bold)

The reason is that vaping doesn't deliver a massive, fast hit like smoking does. It's the same reason non-smokers getting addicted to NRT isn't a 'thing'.

Yanbu but this wasn't about you, you were just an easy target in this man's eyes. He was likely spoiling for a rant and found you to vent at.

If it hadn't been you it would have been someone else though unlikely a man or group of women since they aren't such easy targets in people like this eyes.

I rarely smoke during the day but I've once or twice had some random come up to lecture me. FFS. Just piss off and mind your own business.

I appreciate all of your responses - thank you. I genuinely wasn't sure if I would get a load of, 'oh, he's absolutely right, and I would do the same if...'

I hadn't even considered that he wouldn't have done it to a man, though I think that's probably true. I did think, at the time, he wouldn't have said that to certain other women. I passed a few other women on the same street, younger, children in pushchairs, who were smoking, but would probably have given him an earful back. He probably wouldn't have confronted them.

As I've said, I am well aware of, and inwardly react to, the image of someone smoking next to a child. I'm certainly way beyond the cool thing, and I feel very self conscious using an ecigarette in public, particularly with my son. I'm pretty discreet about it. But still, it bothers me.

Thank you for the links PlentyOfPubeGardens, I've seen some before, an am sure ecigs are preferable to cigarettes, but still would prefer not to have the habit. I definitely don't think their use should be discouraged as they're so effective. I tried everything else before giving up, and ecigs worked overnight. And the same for my mum, a smoker of going on 50 years, so it's a step. I still want to make the last step, ideally, but without the harassment.

Very. You've taken the words out of my mouth or rather my key board.
. He's a fuckin arse hole.
These "men" are great at confronting women.

I dislike smoking intensely, but even I think this man is a pathetic bullying arsehole. Especially as you weren't even smoking a cigarette.

Thats a massive red flag for being a controlling tosspot. Dont take it personally, he's the kind of 'any port in a storm' knob that will look for someone to punch at the end of the night if he hasnt pulled.

I would have told him to go fuck himself. Yes, in front of the kids.

Why?

Agree with everyone else - he would never have taken it upon himself to lecture a man.

(Quite apart from the fact that what he was witnessing was somebody trying to stop smoking).

Epuclake - I have had similar when stood outside smoking on my own. It is because you're a woman.

The guy was a cunt.
Years ago I had a couple of incidents of strangers commenting on me smoking outside of work, the first one I was just taken a back and didn't say anything just walked off and finished my cig, the second it was a woman and she said 'filthy habit, shame to see people still doing it' or something like that, I just said 'oh? Did I ask your opinion? No? Oh well, mind your own business then.' She shuffled off ranting under her breath about smokers.

I quit when I got pregnant and that lasted about a year. Started again gradually just from going out and having one when drunk etc. I've tried to quit again since and struggled
I've recently started vaping and it's going pretty well I'd say. My plan is to cut the nicotine out altogether gradually, and it's nice with no smell of smoke anymore. Then I got a lecture off a friend about how Vaping's 'just as bad if not worse for you'
You really can't win. I'm trying my best to stop but it seems there's always someone waiting to have a judgy dig

You deserve a (huge) pat on the back for having given up cigarettes; ignore the moron in the street and good luck op.
I don't know when it became ok to be so rude to others; people these days think it's acceptable to say what they like to smokers and now it's starting to be the same for anyone perceived to be overweight.
Shame on them and power to you and others like you.

It's not right to berate someone in the street unless they are doing something that directly affects you (eg if you ran into someone with your pushchair it would be reasonable to say look where you are going).

I agree with others who have said that he only had a go because you are female and had a kid with you. He wouldn't have said it to a man.

I don't know about the rights and wrongs of vaping. However, I would be displeased if someone started vaping next to me in an enclosed space eg office, train, cafe. I don't want vapour in my face, so I hope that they do continue to get treated like normal cigarettes from that perspective. But outside, how are they affecting anyone else?

Fair enough, epuclake Are you using a refilliable? Lots of people wean themselves off really slowly by mixing two different strengths and lowering it 1mg at a time. We've got a friendly stop smoking section on MN, there's a general vape chat thread here. Come and say hello!

myfavouritecolourispurple Public Health England have recently published guidance for public places and workplaces to create their own vaping policies. Vaping is not currently treated the same as smoking (because it isn't the same as smoking) and PHE are very clear that this should remain the case and that venues / workplaces / public spaces should be free to set their own rules based on evidence: 'The evidence of harm from secondhand exposure to vapour is not sufficient to justify the prohibition of e-cigarettes. Managers of public places and workplaces should ensure that this evidence informs their risk assessments.', and whatever specific circumstances they need to take account of (e.g. is it a children's venue? Is it a customer-facing environment where professional image is important? Is it a very crowded space where it would be a nuisance?). One thing they are very clear about:

it is never acceptable to require vapers to share the same outdoor space with smokers. Where a designated outdoor smoking area has been provided in a public place or workplace, vapers should be allowed to vape elsewhere

Of course vaping isn't suitable in many environments as a matter of etiquette and if someone is blowing their vape in your face then they are being very rude. Has this actually happened at all?

Some people are just idiots. He probably felt completely justified and proud of himself for lecturing you, but it really just revealed what a self-righteous prig he is. I'm not a smoker but I absolutely loathe these self-appointed enforcer types.

Because you have no idea how he may react. He already thinks it's his place to shout at you for smoking in front of your child.

Just as a bit of a by-the-by, I know a woman who refuses to do this, to the point where, when a drunk outside a pub felt compelled to shout out that she wasn't sexually attractive to him (not the exact words he used), she went over, told him that he'd obviously had too much to drink, took his pint off him and poured it away. She hasn't come to any harm.

I don't blame any individual woman for being frightened, we're socialised to be frightened, but it's part of the problem. Imagine a world in which every woman in earshot, recognised this event for what it was a challenged it. It wouldn't keep happening.

He was clearly an unpleasant arse with a total inability to mind his own business. You happened to be there and copped it.

Ignore it and keep up the good work to give up smoking.