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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my "friends" are shit?

17 replies

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/09/2016 11:09

Prior warning: I am feeling a bit sorry for myself.

I've had the same group of friends for ages! Bit of background: I'm a SAHM, one of them is happily single, loving her career etc. Another one is unhappily single...ie constantly chasing men, and isn't exactly thrilled with her work. Another one is a working mum. Despite all these differences, we've always got on great. But over the last year, I seem to be getting progressively further pushed out. Not invited to anything, barely acknowledged at all really.
I've now been informed by a reliable, impartial source, that one of those "friends" has been blatantly slagging me and my lifestyle choices off on social media (I don't use twitter, Facebook etc so didn't have a clue!), and another one of them has been very vocal about how unfair it is that she's not godparent to my DC....even though she's only ever met my DC a handful of times and doesn't ever show any interest off her own back and has started whinging about it again with regards to my second DC who isn't even born yet!!
I don't know about you wise mumsnetters, but in my mind this is not how friends behave.
AIBU to upset/pissed off? Or am I just being hormonally irrational?

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 22/09/2016 11:15

That is not a friend

Who needs enemies if you have friends like that?

ChowBloomingMein · 22/09/2016 11:16

OP I totally sympathise - I've been through so much crap with friends it's unreal obviously not exactly in the same way you describe - but the 'essence' of it is the same iyswim. I hate the immaturity that exists between groups of friends - and a lot of it's played out on social media.

In fact if I was you OP - I'd cut this 'friend' completely loose - I just can't be bothered with this behaviour - she should respect your boundaries with regards to your choice of Godparent and she sounds immature.

redexpat · 22/09/2016 11:16

YANBU. Cut your losses. Move onwards and upwards.

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/09/2016 11:39

It's completely blindsided me!
I'm now debating whether I should challenge them over it
I've had a whinge about it to DH....who has just sent me this

OP posts:

FetchezLaVache · 22/09/2016 11:40

YANBU. They're shit and this is not how friends behave. Time to call it quits.

FetchezLaVache · 22/09/2016 11:41

at that gif! But I think your DH is absolutely right.

Conecraft · 22/09/2016 11:43

Your friends might be questionable but your DH is lovely x

Soubriquet · 22/09/2016 11:43

Don't bother challenging them either

They will twist it about so it will appear it's all your fault

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/09/2016 11:46

Can always rely on DH to pull some humour from somewhere
Soubriquet I'm pretty sure if I challenged the social media thing, she would just try to spin the "oh it wasn't aimed at you" thing, even though it's blatantly obvious it was aimed at me

OP posts:

OnlyAFoolsChance · 22/09/2016 13:45

I'd be tempted to set up a FB account and add them. Just to see them fluster

Planty18 · 22/09/2016 13:50

Move on from these people, being. Godparent is a privilege but also something you'd choose someone carefully for and it sounds like you've made the right decision not to include this person. It sounds like you'd be better to make new friends, sorry they have been horrible. How did you find out about it all? Not very nice stuff to be told either!

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/09/2016 15:42

I found out through another friend.
He is a close friend of mine, but just a casual acquaintance of the others involved, not really a friend. He saw the Facebook post and told me about it.

OP posts:

myownprivateidaho · 22/09/2016 16:12

Hmm. I think that you need find out what's going on. I'd also separate out the actions of the two different friends.

Re friend 1: Did the Facebook post mention you (i.e. by name)? If not, are you sure that it was about you? If so, is it possible that you did something specific to piss that friend off at the time when she posted? Not saying that posting on fb was a good way for her to deal with upset, but it might be best to just contact that friend and see what's up. Obviously you should express to her your upset about the fb calling out as well.

Re friend 2: I think how bad this is really depends on what being "very vocal about how unfair it is that she's not godparent to my DC" actually entails. If she spoke to friends who she thought she could trust about how she was upset at not being asked, I don't think she's done anything wrong (apart from choose the people she confides in badly). If she is upset about not being a godparent, it sounds like she values your friendship greatly. Could you just clear the air by telling her that you value her as a friend but felt that X and Y were better fits as a godparent for Z reason?

Re friend 3, i.e. the person who told you all this. I think you need to think about why they have told you this stuff. Maybe they have your best interests at heart. But it also sounds a lot like stirring.

In general, I think that if you have a long-standing and valued friendship, even one that has been a bit distanced lately (which sounds pretty inevitable given the huge differences in lifestyle) it's worth putting in the effort to find out what's going on really, and if bridges can be built before just deciding to withdraw. I'm not saying be a pushover, and if you really feel they are horrible then yes, withdraw. But given the length and importance of the friendships, I think you owe it to yourself and then to look into it first.

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/09/2016 17:50

Friend 1: it was definitely about me. It referenced a conversation we had literally 15 mins before she posted it.
Friend 2: By being vocal about it, I mean she whinged to every man and his dog who would listen It appears she values having the title of "godparent" more than what being a godparent actually entails she took an interest in my DC just after the birth, disappeared off the radar for ages, has seen DC a handful of times since then, don't think she's ever called or texted to ask after DC, or made any effort to arrange visits etc. I'm amazed that she thought I would have asked her to be honest! I'm always the one to initiate any contact IYSWIM - she doesn't go out of her way to contact me ever.
Friend 3: I trust him implicitly. He didn't just come out and tell me about the Facebook post out of the blue just for the sake of telling me and stirring the pot - after seeing it, he assumed I'd had a falling out with Friend 1, and was asking what had happened and how I was feeling about it. Obviously I wasn't aware there was a problem with Friend 1 until I was told about the Facebook post! She is the sort to post cryptic shit on social media rather than actually take the issue up with the relevant person.

It just all strikes me as very "high school" mentality. If you have an issue, fucking tell me! Don't go whining on social media about it or bitching to other friends.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 22/09/2016 18:01

Presuming you have other friends who are decent and don't treat you like shit, I'd just quietly dump F1 and F2.

Original poster

MyBreadIsEggy · 22/09/2016 18:13

YouTheCat
I think I need to be spending more time with my "grown up friends"!!

OP posts:

mrszc · 22/09/2016 18:18

I'd be messaging the friend doing the Facebook bitching with screen shots. Either she just won't respond, or she'll try and lie and you can say don't insult my intelligence and I don't need two faced backstabbing cunts like you in my life - fuck off.
Win/win you sound like you have much better more mature friends than these people anyway

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