To not have a Christening after party?

[motherofravens]

Ok this is my first post on here so be gentle! I want to know your Christening experiences and whether you had an 'after' party? DS is 6 weeks old and not being christened until January due to one of the godmothers coming over from New Zealand.

The problem is that things are very strained with DHs family, especially FIL. I won't go into details now but he is very open in his dislike of me and my family (we've done nothing to provoke this I promise! I just think he doesn't like the sort of people we are.) and if any one else from his family comes they could cause problems too. They were sulky and difficult on our wedding day and didn't talk to my family at all. (We were married young so my father paid and parents hosted.)

So the dilemma is we don't want the 2 family's to be around each for too long, I don't think my parents are aware of FIL and MILs opinion of them as I want to protect them. I'm an active member of my local church so the Christening will be during a normal morning service, and I will invite everyone from the Church. Can I get away with just tea and cake in the church after the service or is that too little to mark the occasion, and for how far our families have to come.

I haven't spoken to my mum about it yet, she may want to do something different, she was brilliant organising the wedding with me. But again I don't think she knows how difficult it's going to be. So AIBU or can I get away with a quick cuppa and send everyone home after the Christening to avoid confrontation or drama?

Of course you can just do tea and cake after the service if that's all you wish to do.

Maybe you, DH and the godmother from New Zealand can take the baby out for the day as she's come such a long way

I really do think that is perfectly polite (& I can be pretty snooty/annoying about manners). I went to a christening recently where they did the tea/cake thing in church for church friends and then went back to the house with immediate family & godparents. The church mingle was so nice though that it would have be appropriate for the whole thing to end after that.

If you're really worried about too much interaction between the two families, could you ask one or two church friends to stay close by your mum so that it's hard for words to be exchanged? It could help to have plenty of hands passing out the tea and cake so that it flows freely and everyone can feel refreshed in a fairly short space of time.
Not many people would start an argument in church so fingers crossed. I hope you manage to enjoy the day.

I think it's odd not to do something, anything, after a christening. Sorry.

Tea, cake and biccys in church hall

I did tea and cake after both my DCs christenings for similar reasons it worked well. Maybe take god mother that's come from NZ out for a meal after.

Thanks everyone! I didn't want it to look strange if people normally expect more of a 'do' but if tea and cake is enough that's great! That people wouldn't argue in church is a great point I had t thought of that! And I will be asking everyone from the church to stay so it should water things down a bit.

Yes Godmother from NZ is staying with us just before Christmas as she's over for a few weeks to make the most of it. We'll definitely be treating her whilst she's here!

Personally, I dislike christenings where the church element is sidelined in favour of the rest of it so your quiet event would be far better. The point is that the child becomes a church member, not that there was a huge reception.

i can only say from my experience do not mix with people who do not wish to mix with you and if you have a party then thats not gonna be fun for you so just do a separate party with friends. if you feel uncomfortable now trust me you will feel even more uncomfortable when you had few drinks especially all the strain of having been pregnant and so on so on. however if you feel you can think positive about it all even at least 25% of time then it might turn out to be decent as long as you dont drink and let yourself get emotional in front of these people who obviously do not have anything better to do than cause drama in real world.

I'm Irish and Christenings are a big deal. We had a full catered thing at my parents' home first time around, and second time around, we had a formal lunch in a beautiful rooftop restaurant in our city for immediate family & godparents, Christening in the church next door, then a larger party back at home afterwards with all the food/drinks/accessories - even wine glasses on rental - delivered from Waitrose, I think. All super easy, and a lovely event. Nothing sidelined the religious aspect, except possibly my toddler's voluble hysterics and my MIL's FANATICAL photo-taking.

Better, I think, to crack on and have the reception for the people who are actually kind to you, and don't invite the in-laws. There is no reason on earth to tell them it's happening, really.

How far are you expecting people to travel? Do you mind is people further away wouldn't come? I'm not religious so I wouldn't travel 300 miles for an hour.

If everyone is basically local then tea and cake is fine (I'm assuming you are hosting the GM coming from New Zealand).

Sounds absolutely fine to me. I'd just put the christening details on the invite with followed by tea and cakes in the church hall or some such. Then people won't expect the fancy do and hopefully won't kick up a fuss.

DrSeuss yes I agree for me and DH it's much more about the religious side, I just wasn't sure of everyone else's expectations. I'm going to do my best to try and put people off coming, sounds strange but no one in DH family so hopefully they won't bother coming it's it's just tea and cake, no booze in laws will still come but DH can handle them. Irish Christenings sound like a lot of fun! I'd love to do a meal with just my family but that would be unfair and we can't mix the 2 families. Thanks!

Our children were christened during a normal service (with lots of others) and I don't think you need to have a party. However if you are inviting people who wouldn't normally be there I would at least take them out to lunch.

My nephew was christened in a normal church service and my sister and brother in law did a bring and share lunch afterwards at the back of the church. It was great and everyone really enjoyed it. I definitely think tea and cakes is absolutely fine after a christening.

I think if you're happy with that then it's fine. As a non - religious person I'd probably feel a bit weird and awkward about "just" going to a church service especially if id travelled a long way. But of course the church bit is going to be most important to you!