AIBU - fertility clinic have told me to stop breastfeeding my first child

[moreworkandhope]

is this right? they say I have to stop bf 4-6 months before I start treatment for my second child.

I've already experienced, numerous times from numerous health professionals, how shockingly behind the times and COMPLETELY INCORRECT they can be, is this another example?

I'm running out of fertility fast but don't want to stop bf my first child, it would make my life loads more stressful to deny her what she wants and give up the only proper relaxation time I have.

I would work towards ending BFing as soon as possible. At 10mo--if you start tapering off now, your baby will be close to a year by the time you stop, which is pretty good.

Even if you are getting your periods, BFing may still effect your fertility. The blastocyst (or whatever it's called) has to attach itself to the inside of your uterus and stick there for the pregnancy to work. I would be concerned that BFing could potentially make your uterus less receptive to the blastocyst when it is implanted, increasing the risk of failure. IVF is expensive... better to do everything possible to increase your chances.

The clinic may well refuse to treat if the OP is still breastfeeding. The OP has already said she had 'average' fertility, not good, and that was 4 years' ago. If it were good, she'd be having IUI rather than IVF - which is how I conceived my child as a single parent. Even so, I wouldn't have done anything that would have negatively impacted my chances of conceiving because it's expensive and emotionally grueling to go through fertility treatment - particularly on your own.

This is not about breastfeeding, it's about conceiving through fertility treatment.

I agree, our fertility clinic insisted we had weaned before they would consider treatment. Part of it was the risk of lower fertility, part of it was the risk of drugs to the baby - even a tiny risk was unacceptable... it's not like they can test drug safety by asking hundreds of women to have horomone injections etc whilst breastfeeding and see if their babies have higher risks of cancers/sickness. It's not ethical to study whether they are safe, and if avoidable they will err on the side of caution.

But it feels a terrible choice, I know, to end breastfeeding on the chance of another baby, with no guarantee. To not know if you end the breastfeeding relationship that you will fall pg, have another child etc. If you had the crystal ball, you'd know how it all turns out and what sacrifices were worth it. But we don't, we make the best decisions we can, based on what we know at the time - and then we need to make peace with that and not second guess ourselves later.

When we were ttc for dd2 I was initially bfing 2x a day. After about 6 months trying I cut down to once a day and got pg that month. For dd1 and ds I wasn't bfing at all and got pg straight away.

I know that could be a fluke, but I don't think it was.

well, in my experience the ability to get pregnant while breastfeeding varies widely from woman to woman. Most of my friends got their periods back while bf, and several got pregnant while bf. I, on the other hand, did not have a period until I stopped breastfeeding DD at age 15 months, when i stopped breastfeeding her, I literally, no exaggeration, got my period 24 hours after her last feed! and then I had it twice, and then got pregnant. It was clear that my body could not cope with producing milk and ovulating at the same time. You produce particular hormones when you bf, and these can repress the necessary hormones for ovulation in some cases. It also depends on the way you breastfeed: if you co-sleep or have your baby near you most of the time (I co-slept) your body produces more of the hormones that repress ovulation.

So, long story short, I stopped breastfeeding DD solely because I wanted a second child, and it worked immediately.

Still not getting all the angst and anger OP.

If you want to pay thousands for fertility treatment for a second child but don't want to take all the steps to give it the best chance of working, potentially throwing money away and potentially harming your DC with the drugs you'd have to take, then crack on.

The clinic can only give advice on giving yourself the best chances of success. You don't need to take it, throw your money away if you want to

If you've got cash you don't want, I'll take it off your hands

I'll even support you breastfeeding

I think that people are being a bit mean to the op. It's horrible being forced to stop breastfeeding before you are ready.

Maybe it's worth exploring alternatives to lots of drugs. There is a cut price IVF that is being developed in South Africa that uses less drugs than conventional IVF.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-27814124

There are alternative reproductive techniques to IVF

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3176541/The-cut-price-fertility-boost-childless-couples-not-told-IUI-versus-IVF-comes-profit-margins-say-doctors.html

Which are less reliant on drugs. IUI might be an alternative if the infertility is caused by the sperm. I don't know how you would find a clinic that offers IUI.

IUI still involves fertility drugs to induce multiple ovulation and control when it happens, just a smaller does than for IVF.

There is natural IUI and natural frozen cycle frozen embryonic transfer.

www.dominionfertility.com/fertility-treatment-faq/19-what-are-natural-cycle-fertility-treatments-and-am-i-a-candidate-for-them/

Ofcourse the difficulty is whether these treatments are appriopiate. Doctors tend to chose the most effective treatments for good reason.

ReallyTired - with respect, it doesn't sound like you've had fertility treatment - most clinics will offer IUI as I said in my earlier post.

But as Jessie points out, IUI still involves drugs, controlling ovulation, is very costly (albeit much cheaper than IVF), and very emotionally exhausting.

I'm not being mean, I'm being realistic. Of course it's horrible to stop breastfeeding before you're ready. I know, I did it. For reasons that aren't relevant here but a lot of women do.

As I said, this isn't a breastfeeding issue, it's a fertility treatment issue. If the OP wants to get pregnant - at an age where her fertility is in massive decline and with probably not a brilliant level of fertility - she should stop breastfeeding her child. Blunt but true. Obviously it's entirely her choice.

If it were me I'd want to do absolutely everything possible to increase my chances of conceiving. In fact, I can't fathom why anyone would not follow the advice given. But each to their own.

if it's a choice of maximising success with IVF and stopping breastfeeding early, and continuing with breastfeeding but not maximising success, then it's a no brainer. Why? Because (to me) it would be far, far more important to conceive that second child than to continue breastfeeding the first.

Yes, it's a choice. Unfortunately you can't have it both ways OP. Life is full of choices between one less than ideal situation and another. Rarely do we get to have life exactly as we want.

Best of luck with your IVF

There's a massive difference between seeking fertility treatment because you have fertility issues/problems or because your only problem is lack of partner (as is OP's case).

Well, not exactly. It is surprising the number of women who go for fertility treatment because of lack of partner who then do not respond that well to the drugs. Likewise, women who have no known fertility problems but need IVF to allow their embryos to be screened and selected to avoid a genetic problem are not guaranteed that IVF or other fertility treatments will automatically work.

Besides, OP has already been told four years ago that her fertility was "average".

OP, get all the advice you can but you are likely to find that it boils down to the choice of continuing to b/f but compromising your chances of success or giving up b/f.

Another thing to bear in mind if you go ahead with treatment while still b/f is that no-one knows for certain the effect that the hormone treatment you have might have on your DC1. As jenny says, it isn't ethical to test these drugs on babies so there is going to be a potential risk to your DC1.

I would recommend posting on the Fertility Friends website which is a great source of advice and experience on all things IVF and IUI etc.

Good luck with your treatment.

BF definitely reduces the chances of becoming pregnant because mother nature suppresses new eggs while you are still feeding a baby. AND you are going to have HUGE quantities of hormones sloshing into your system and these will get into your milk. These hormones can make you feel ill. Heaven knows what they will do to your DC.

There's a massive difference between seeking fertility treatment because you have fertility issues/problems or because your only problem is lack of partner (as is OP's case).

Plenty of women have IVF with ICSI because their partners have male factor infertility. The female partner is no more or less fertile than a woman without a partner

Similarly women with blocked tubes. There is a simple mechanical reason they haven't conceived naturally.

They still have to respond to stimulation medications and have a uterine environment receptive to implantation

Both of which are affected by breastfeeding

Some women get pregnant on the pill. It doesn't mean it's not a contraceptive.

Ivf that fails is horrific and miserable. Just stop breastfeeding, your child will be fine.

If it's likley to reduce your fertility of course they will tell you to stop. Not to mention spending money on IVF that does not have the best chance of working.

I think you should do what the hospital ask or delay treatment personally.

I know being unable to conceive naturally can be a bit of a crap situation but you sound a bit defensive.

They sound like they want to give you the best possible chance of becoming pregnant, given the hormonal changes breastfeeding mums go though. Perhaps the drugs are unsuitable for consumption through breastmilk too.

You need to decide whether breastfeeding is more important than TTC, or whether your desire to have another child is strong enough to stop breastfeeding.

Stopping breastfeeding isn't the end of the world, you could pump or switch to formula, or cows milk after. 1 year?

I think yabu.