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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To help me stay firm re this food issue

22 replies

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 16:30

We went on holiday last week. It was

Me
Dh
Dd(3)
Ds(1)
Mum
Dad
Little brother (3)
And my nan

My little brother has terrible eating habits. Won't eat anything meal wise and just picks. Mum and dad wanting an easy life lets him do that

By bad luck, within an hour of arriving on to the site, he was climbing rocks and fell and chinned a rock. His front teeth went through his bottom lip and they were badly cut

So with my mum feeling guilty that she let him do that and out of desperation to get him to eat anything he survived the entire week on jammy dodgers and Pringles

That is it. That's all he ate.

Now for the problem

Since being home, my dd had been kicking off about food. She doesn't want what I've cooked and just wants "what little brother had" which is biscuits and crisps

I am of course refusing this which is causing many tears and tempers

So I am serving food, putting it infront of her and taking it away after so long if she hasn't eaten it and refusing all options of snack

Right? Wrong?

What would you do?

OP posts:

notthebees · 20/09/2016 16:32

I would explain that little brother was in a lot of pain on holiday and probably did well to eat anything at all.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/09/2016 16:34

You are absolutely doing the right thing.
Don't cave to biscuits and crisps.
But you KNOW that! So don't worry about it.
Just keep going.

SuburbanRhonda · 20/09/2016 16:45

He had a badly injured mouth and ate nothing but Pringles and biscuits? No soft food which would have been gentler on his cut lip? He sounds well hard

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 16:47

He is a picky bugger if I'm completely honest

It probably wasn't hurting him that much but he was milking it with what he could

He refused medicine because "it hurt"

He would throw temper tantrums if Dd touched any of his toys which mum insisted on bringing on holiday but expected Dd to share anything we bought her

I feel sorry for him. I do. He was an unexpected pregnancy and he has to fight for attention all the time. My mum and dad just want to go to the pub and have a drink not child care an almost 4 year old. So he is constantly playing up because any attention is better than no attention

OP posts:

Catsick36 · 20/09/2016 16:48

You are already doing the right thing. Stay strong she'll get the message soon enough

44PumpLane · 20/09/2016 16:54

She's not going to starve, she's three and not really on a hunger strike- don't cave.

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 16:57

It's not the starving I have a problem with

It's the tears and tantrums

When she kicks off you bloody well know about it

OP posts:

TeaBelle · 20/09/2016 16:58

I do this with dd - if she is hungry then the meal is kept to one side and she always has the option of going back to it if she is hungry before the next meal.

DoreenLethal · 20/09/2016 17:02

When she kicks off you bloody well know about it

That's the point! If it had no effect then she wouldn't be doing it.

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 17:02

Excellent point

OP posts:

sodabreadjam · 20/09/2016 17:19

If I had burst my lip, Jammie Dodgers (lumpy with chewy jam) and crisps (harsh and salty) would have been about the last things I would have wanted to eat. Your little brother was definitely milking it (as you know) and your parents are not doing a good job of bringing him up.

Rather than letting your DD copy his behaviour, try and encourage him to develop better eating habits when he is with you. Easier said than done, I know.

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 17:24

He is never with me

I don't take responsibility for him.

I have my own life in my own home with my family

My parents have their lives with their son

Harsh it may sound but that's how it is.

I don't baby sit because I have my own children to worry about

My mum doesn't babysit because she has him to worry about

OP posts:

Creativemode · 20/09/2016 17:26

Well yanbu.

I feel sorry for your little brother, not your responsibility though.

Were you parents different with you?

Creativemode · 20/09/2016 17:30

Sorry you asked wwyd.

How old is your dd?

I'd just keep telling her she can't live on biscuits, your baby brother was ill and it was a holiday but now you are home it's back to normal.

Then just keep on giving her usual meals with no junk food in between.

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 17:30

Yes and no

My mum was 18 when she had me so very young. She had my sister 2 years later and whilst both of my parents were good parents, when I look back I remember how often I was in the pub because they wanted a drink and how much my mum messed my mind up sometimes.

They had obviously thought their time as parents was done, was starting to recapture their youth and lo and behold here comes little brother and it starts all over again

I think there's a lot more alcohol problems going on than they would care to admit tbh

OP posts:

sodabreadjam · 20/09/2016 17:31

Well if you rarely see him, your DD won't have many chances to copy him.

You will just have to tough it out for the next few days until she gets back into your normal food routine.

It's a shame that your little brother doesn't have good influences in his life, but I can understand that you feel you have enough to cope with and don't feel like tackling your parents about how they treat him.

Creativemode · 20/09/2016 17:31

Sorry again you did say she was 3!

Trouble is it sounds like his behaviour will keep rubbing off on her.

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 17:32

Yeah she's 3 which is why we don't socialise with my parents very often. Not that they know that

My niece is just as bad and if I care to admit, I have a lot of problems with food too which is a big reason why I don't want Dd to be like it

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 20/09/2016 18:22

Did your Dd ask for pringles and jammy dodgers whilst you were on holiday, or just since you have come home?

Original poster

Soubriquet · 20/09/2016 18:37

Just since we've been home

She used to pinch them from little brother when his back was turned though. If he saw her with them he would have an almighty melt down so we managed to distract her and stop her doing it. But we (my own immediate family) used to go off and do our own thing and have dinner so she didn't get chance to play up with him

Only in the caravan at night and in the morning

OP posts:

justilou · 20/09/2016 22:30

Sounds exhausting... if I remember rightly, 3 is totally about asserting their will... it goes beyond tantrums and into manipulation, controlling etc. In other words, if it's not the food, it will be something else - annoying as hell, but totally normal behaviour. The other thing I can tell you for certain is that 3 yr olds are completely opposed to being "babies".... perhaps you could tell her that you didn't want to say it in front of little brother, but those are baby foods and she's a big girl who's been eating big people food for a long time... good luck!!!

sentia · 20/09/2016 22:36

If your three year old has the attention span and persistence of my nearly-three year old, stick to your approach and explain to her (over and over again) the very good reasons why she can't have what she wants. It shouldn't take more than three or four days for her to get bored / forget / move on. But you have my sympathy re the noise in the meantime!

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