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AIBU?

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Original poster

7 year old viewing porn

94 replies

ipadshocker · 20/09/2016 13:24

DS1 aged 7 has been using my iPad for homework.Quick flick through history reveals he has seen some porn sites,first accessed by him searching for "Simpsons naked."Then obviously has seen other things and had a look at pornhub, fit chick teenage fuck and other similar.I am very shocked and don't know how to deal with this.I asked him what he had been doing with the iPad and he said he didn't want to tell me.When he realised I knew,he cried ,said he felt embarrassed and got upset.Quick chat about not looking at things unsuitable for children ,have obviously changed security and restricted iPad use and left it at that for now.What else should I do? We have never even had a facts of life discussion other than in biology/animals mating context.I think it was childhood curiosity initially but am worried about exposure at this age and whether I should talk more? Am also sad that I have let in happen by not being careful & supervising .Any advice?

OP posts:
aquawoman · 20/09/2016 14:13

This isn't on him, he's 7. He has no clue.

The fault lies entirely with you.

Talk to him to find out whether you've scarred him for life (sort of joke), aside from that sort your bloody settings out.

He shouldn't be in trouble here.

Benedikte2 · 20/09/2016 14:13

I endorse what Kr1stina says -- makes good sense. Give your DS that space to talk . Once he gets over his embarrassment/fear of your reaction he will share his concerns and why he has gone looking for the porn. (Maybe a friends older sibling?)
Good luck

Sallystyle · 20/09/2016 14:13

OP Thanks

No need for anyone to beat you up because I'm sure you are doing that to yourself and no one could make you feel worse than you already do.

I would be very worried about this is going to affect him. Some of the stuff on pie hub (love it, much better than porn hub) are really graphic and very scary for a young child to watch. I imagine he is feeling very scared right now, you do need to let him ask you questions and help put his mind at rest.

I can see a 7 year old googling 'naked simpsons' trying to have a laugh or something and not realising what he would end up on. However, if he had been searching for other stuff to end up on Porn hub you have a much bigger problem.

AppleJac · 20/09/2016 14:14

Im sure this is a child protection issue.

How the hell would a 7 year old know what porn is? He must of been exposed to it by someone alot older than him.

I would be extremely worried about any sexual abuse going on here.

Oysterbabe · 20/09/2016 14:14

Mmmmmmm Pie Hub.

Sundance01 · 20/09/2016 14:15

To be honest I would not worry too much. You made a mistake allowing him to use the ipad without security but you have rectified this. You have also had a discussion with him.

I have a 7 year old Grandson and after seeing a rather well endowed horse at a farm was curious about what other animals might look like - and it is probably a similar curiosity that made him search for naked simpsons - it does not sound like he was looking for porn. Once he found some he probably was just curious as to what he was seeing and clicking randomly.

As to long term damage - there will be none - as long as you do not make this into a bigger issue than it need be. I remember finding my Dad's pornography magazines as a child around a similar age and going back to have a few more looks. No harm done honestly.

Least said soonest mended in my opinion,

Sallystyle · 20/09/2016 14:15

My 7 yr old definitely knows the word 'naked' and thinks anything related to nudity is funny so I would guess the OPs DS thinks the same. I don't consider it worrying.

Same here.

He probably did click a pop up or something and his first search was him just being silly but the OP obviously needs to make sure that is the case.

Chestersidiot · 20/09/2016 14:15

I don't think it's at all strange for a 7 year old to be looking up "naked" and can see he could easily progress on to higher level sites. As PP have said you need to talk to him about sex in all its forms and explain porn as part of that. Present facts and talk about emotions.

Explain he's not in trouble and emphasize he can always talk to you about things like this.
I would just take it as a wake-up call - the younger you get the information flow going the less embarrassing it is.

BrokenButNotFinished · 20/09/2016 14:18

Naked Simpsons I can get my head around as possibly just childish curiosity... I mean, who hasn't in their time undressed Barbie, Sindy and / or Ken to see how anatomically correct they are?? Obviously, I wasn't doing it on an iPad in my day.

From here, I think you need to have a gentle, age-appropriate conversation about life cycles (which is where the SRE lesson will be pitched at rising 8), nudity / respect for other peoples' bodies / private areas (like the NSPCC 'pants' campaign) and be aware of him acting out any sexualised behaviour either at home or in school. You don't need to explain or discuss pornography.

And everyone step away from their devices...

CancellyMcChequeface · 20/09/2016 14:19

At 7, it might be that the idea of looking for pictures of naked cartoon characters was because he found it funny, in a non-sexual way. Similar to looking up rude words in the dictionary, in the pre-internet days. If this was the case, he'd be understandably shocked, confused or embarrassed by finding Pornhub and such, despite clicking on things out of curiosity. I'm not saying this is what happened, but it's possible, and I wouldn't jump to conclusions about his intentions before you've talked about it.

It was a mistake, but try not to feel too bad about it, OP. You've fixed the issue with the safe search, and I think the best thing to do now would be to chat to your son and find out why he used that search term, what he was looking for and whether he's worried or upset by anything he saw.

Helmetbymidnight · 20/09/2016 14:21

My curiosity has been piqued by 'Naked Simpsons' but I am going to resist...

shovetheholly · 20/09/2016 14:21

Get this moved out of AIBU or you will be crucified!

You made a simple mistake, that any parent could make. None of us are perfect. Also, seven is plenty old enough to be curious about bodies, nudity and sex. I can remember being that age and the whispers in the playground about all of those things. He wasn't looking for porn but for information about bodies - 'Simpsons naked' - and that unfortunately led him to sexual content.

I am sure your DS isn't damaged for life. However, I do think that reacting to this with lots of honest discussions about bodies and sex is vital. He is probably very confused about what he has seen, and the fact that he hasn't come to you voluntarily suggests he's disturbed and embarrassed. I am sure people can recommend books to help both of you with those discussions.

BrokenButNotFinished · 20/09/2016 14:22

And just to add: if he were to act out apparently sexualised behaviour in front of others, that would / should be treated as a safeguarding issue.

But - you know now. Don't do it again. Grin

Think of all the fun to come in the teenage years...

RJnomore1 · 20/09/2016 14:23

I can see a potential market for a pie hub site ...

LoveYouSweetheart · 20/09/2016 14:24

This isn't on him, he's 7. He has no clue.

Well I believe he does have a clue, my DS is 6 and I don't think he knows the meaning of naked.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 20/09/2016 14:24

It's not strange that he was looking up "naked". 7 year olds are interested in nakedness and curious about bodies and the opposite sex.
What I can't fathom is how he can access this porn in your home ??
I can't view porn in my home, because my wifi provider blocks it. You have to opt in for adult content.
I can't understand why any parent wouldn't make sure they have this, as well as safe search on the actual device.
It's also crazy to leave a child alone with an I pad. My son is 10. If he wants to go on the internet, I am in the same room. There is a password on my devices, phone, laptop, tablet -everything.

Wrt to knowing about sex, I told my ds the basic facts of life aged about 4 (when he asked where babies come from ).
Over the years, he has asked more, I have explained things in simple, biological terms.
Since last year, we have started talking about more emotional aspects of sex. He knows there are "naked people on the internet. He has heard things at school via other kids, so I have started talking about porn, a bit. Firstly explaining that what is represented in naked Internet pictures, or videos of people having sex, is not representative of real life sex. He has also asked me if the people involved are on there because they want to be, and I have told him no, not always, and in fact it's impossible to know if people are forced into it, so that's also something to bear in mind.
I thinks it's insane that we live in a world where parents still won't discuss the facts of life with their children, but are totally blasé about handing them a device through which they can literally see the worst of the worst. Madness. Parents need to take control of this.

Helmetbymidnight · 20/09/2016 14:25

I don't think he knows the meaning of naked.

O-kayyy.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 20/09/2016 14:25

I'm totally up for pie hub...

NoCapes · 20/09/2016 14:28

Sweetheart your 6 year old doesn't know what naked means?! Hmm seriously?!

And the PP who was going on about doing homework with a pencil and reading a gentle book (Hmm) I have a 7 year old and he has been set research homework 2 weeks in a row now

Some of you really need to get your head out of the clouds

Buzzardbird · 20/09/2016 14:30

I can imagine a naked Simpson drooling watching Pie Hub! Grin

noblegiraffe · 20/09/2016 14:30

A 7 year old who has accessed porn sites would be a major marker for a child protection investigation. If his teacher becomes aware then it would be certainly flagged up.

It's not simply a matter of enabling safe search, he has seen these things and that could be quite damaging to a young mind. TBH I would consider phoning the NSPCC for (anonymous) advice on how to proceed from here.

MicDropper · 20/09/2016 14:31

Unfortunately the average age children first see porn is between 8 and a 11, so actually he's not even that young. You need to do some serious damage control.No idea what apocalypses problem is. We're all perfect parents until we aren't.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/9633394/Theres-no-way-to-shield-children-from-pornography.html

7 year old viewing porn
spindletree · 20/09/2016 14:33

I'd be more worried if my child didn't know the meaning of naked at 6 Confused
Anyway, don't worry. I can see how this mess happened.
Lots of seven year old kids talk about " naked" it is a typical age for curiosity to kick in.
Just lock your I-pad down & move on.
Honestly - it will be fine.

RunningLulu · 20/09/2016 14:33

He's clearly curious about sex. The why probably doesn't matter now tbh, your main priority should be to ensure he doesn't see porn as normal and also to ensure he gets treated if he has a porn addiction. Also, like others have suggested, you should go through his search history so you can open up communication with him.

Also, Simply restricting an ipad isn't enough because there are some very simple ways any restriction can be lifted for example through VPNs, rebooting etc. It's better to supervise him directly when he accesses the internet.

MammouthTask · 20/09/2016 14:35

There is a story at my dcs primary school. They were working on computers and some of them had the good idea to enter stupid word association on Google.
One of them, if I remeber well, was something like old woman naked. And it took them to a porn site (yes even the school got it wrong!)
It wasn't that the children involved had any bad experiences or whatever. It was just plain silliness and trying to see what Google would bring back with silly word associations.

So in that respect I wouldn't be that worried.

But YY about asking him if there was anything he felt unconfortable about, if he has any questions etc... Also about not making such a huge thing that if he happens to stubble across one of those sites again, he won't after tell you about it (some stuff on YouTube for example can be disturbing, even with all the protection you can have)
And then lots of talks about sex, relationhsip and what makes sex worth doing and how what he saw wasn't.