AIBU to ask GPs how much babysitting is too much?

[confusedofDILdom]

Posting here for traffic, regular user NC to ask if you're a GP, how do you really feel when you're asked to babysit of an evening for your very young GC, the kind of babysitting where you're sat watching tv in someone else's house whilst the parents are out? How often is too often? Where do you draw the line on saying no, do you ever feel like you're obliged to do it because it's hard to say no or feel like people are over imposing on you? How do you manage when you have multiple DC yourself each of whom has GC and you're the only family support for both? Do you do more for one than another, less for both or inevitably double the amount, does it get difficult to manage between your own DC and ILs (eg what do you do if they try to book you on same night?!)

Background - we have two very young (and very easy going, routine happy) preschool DC. My DDDDDDF died and my DM is unwell and lives a long way away so I can't ask my family for help. My PILs are local and very kind, loving generous people who love our DC dearly and always say I should ask for help when I need it. However, I have over the last 18m worked hard to build up a network of trusted babysitters so we don't over rely on PILs, recognising that they have their own lives. But I think I've offended them by asking other people to babysit their GC and not them in the evenings, when really it's just a case of sitting watching tv. The reason I started to do this was not because I felt they couldn't do it (they're great) but because I felt like I had offended them by asking too much (on that occasion two evenings in a fortnight).

So AIBU to think that there is a line, and if there is... Please tell me where yours is and how you really feel about helping out or other people looking after your DC so I can gauge if AIBU with the set up we have. I just assumed they would rather spend time with the kids awake than asleep!

For full disclosure I am a sahm and never ask them for childcare in the week, only over to play / spend time / have a meal, for same main reason - I don't want to over impose.

It would be different if it were my own parents, it's times like this I miss them terribly and wish that they were able to enjoy the kids as much as I know they would have done.

We live far from both sets of grandparents but both are able and willing so we tend to use them for overnights (weddings, big night outs, weekends away) once or twice a year. That doesn't feel like taking the mick and the kids think they are getting the holiday not us!
If they lived local I would prob use them for things like parents evenings, when book club clashes with DHs squash, if I want a days Xmas shopping and to pick up from school. Stuff that's I don't really want to pay a babysitter for. Use paid babysitters for regular run of the mill Sat night out.

These are really helpful, thanks everyone

The other way to look at it is if you're getting refusals, you can't be taking advantage. You can only take advantage of people who can't say no even when they should!

My mum will happily say no if she's busy so I don't ever worry about asking her. My MIL has form for literally dropping everything and leaving a full Waitrose shop defrosting on the kitchen floor so I try to make sure I'm not asking too often.

Reading with interest as I wonder similar. I have one DC, only GC for both sets of parents. My parents are local and do one day a week child care while I'm at work. IL are 2 hours away and do one day every 2-3 weeks childcare. We only spend time as a family with both sets every 2-3 months. My DH and I only ask for extra babysitting for special occasions eg birthdays or anniversary.... So 3x year. It would be lovely to go out more but I feel I'm at the limit of what I can ask of GPs!

Trilby that made me laugh. Sounds like a good set to though and your DC are lucky to have them. I know I'm not taking advantage if they're saying no, I just worry that behind the nos there is a message... I think we will try a sleepover and see how that goes down, very fair point above that people like to be in their own homes and I think it would be fun all around. Not because we would get a kid free lie in to recover from hangover in the morning. Definitely not.

I have 8 GKs and for most of them, if I babysit, it Requires an overnight stay. Either at their house or mine. My main babysitting is for emergencies when they are ill, the parents are ill or when parents have a work commitment and only occasionally for social outings.

I don't mind being asked because we alll have a good relationship and they don't mind me refusing when I can't do it. I like to be given lots of notice, One of my DiLs sends out a sheet every quarter and I send back the days I can do. I don't think I would like a weekly or fortnightly commitment but his is because of the distance I have to travel by public transport.