To be hiding in my bedroom

[operaha]

Just 17 year old ds. Lovely boy, so mature. No trouble, very academic and exceptionally musically talented, minor celeb where we live.
He's such an arse to me he earns money gigging etc but I'm always dipping hand in pocket. He is untidy but I am unreasonable to expect him to tidy with a levels, music practice etc. I work a 40 hour week.
So I get in tonight and ask him and his brother who is 11, to empty the dishwasher. It is their daily chore and quite frankly I'm tired of saying it every day.
But I said do it quietly as I'm phoning the university (I'm studying also) to which he starts trying to make me look silly by sarcastically asking if I want said job done or not because doing the dishwasher is a noisy job. I said just try but he had to keep arguing about it. This happened this morning when he responded to my request he clean up the mess he made making a smoothie by saying "it'd be nice if you'd clean your long hair from the bath but we can't have everything" ... That's fucking rude is it not? He would never ever speak to any other adult on the planet like that, is saved just for me.
I don't do shouting, quiet house but I lost it after the dishwasher argument and have been in my room ever since.
It sounds quite trivial but he argues with me about everything. The sky is blue, well actually mum, I think you'll find.... I can't take anymore.
I don't want to cook him dinner, I don't want to look at him, I don't want to be anywhere near him which I think for now will work, ignoring him is best but I can hardly leave him hungry.
I didn't think he'd be like this
Just ranting. Wish I'd bought my book up with me....

You are so NOT BU. No more handouts, don't cook, don't wash his clothes, change the code to the wifi etc etc until he learns to have respect. You are his mother!

He's 17, about time he learned to bloody cook!

As to the rest of it he sounds like a typical stroppy teenager, no jobs done = no money from you, attitude from him = ditto.

Oh and I'm probably talking out of my arse, I only have a toddler, but tbh it sounds about the same plus I had a younger brother does that count?!

If he's old enough to do a levels he's old enough to cook for himself. So let him get on with it if he's hungry. Even younger ds could make something simple if he needs to.

In the meantime why not have a nice long bath with your book and go downstairs later when you're feeling refreshed.
I'd also stop handing out money if he can't treat you with respect. He is earning so let him manage on that.

The money thing is irritating, whilst I'm glad he's earning plenty, he just flashes it.
I'll cook for the 11 year old, he can make his own. Which he won't of course.....

Leave him hungry?

He is 17. He has a job. Surely he can make himself a meal.

He isn't a toddler that will starve.

He's 17 a wk if cooking his own meals won't kill him

Stop paying or him then

He can cook yes. He won't, he'll buy takeaways but that's his money....

He is being an arsenal. If it is any slight consolation one of my dds was like this. She is 21 now and cringes at her behaviour. Is still a slob though. But a friendly one

Love my phone protecting mumsnet from the word ARSE

Dump all his messy shit in his room. Clean up behind you and your younger one. No lifts, cash or other favours until he remembers his manners and treats you with some respect. And make sure you keep on telling him why you are doing this and that it doesn't have to be this way, You need to show him your not a doormat. If he doesn't like it, he can move out.

He'll be going to uni so he'll be needing that dosh and I've already mentioned the next time he speaks to me like that I'll personally be driving him to his father's house to live. That shut him up. Not that his dad is awful but he'd never want to live there.

Excellent quote from my MiL said to each of her DSs at some point or another:

"I love you but right now I really dont like you"

Teenagers do get very convinced of their own superiority sometimes.

Forgot the tantrum he was having when I got in because his new 70 quid earphones don't fit as well as he would like.

How long have you got before he goes to university?

Definitely don't cook for him... or wash his clothes. If he leaves a mess put it in bin bags and put them on his bed.

Does he require ferrying around to gigs etc?

2 years, he's literally days after turning 17.
I've cooked for little one. About to dish up. 19 year old daughter has turned up so this is interesting trying to talk to her but ignore him.
My husband does all the washing so I'd have to tell him to stop and I iron none of his smart shirts he wears daily even though he begs me.
He does need driving around, he'll be able to do that himself before too long and I bought him and his sister a car to share so won't be a problem. I won't be giving him lifts at the moment. Until I get an apology, I'm not engaging with him whatsoever

I think the phrase "don't be such a fucking smart arse" would apply in this situation. Bloody cheek speaking to you like that, I think you need to pull rank and don't hide in your bedroom

I'm not, I was just upset now I'm nonchalant. My daughter isn't helping saying she'll drive them to McDonald's. She thinks she's funny but I've told them they have to cook.

YANBU. do nowt for the little shit.

They are taking the mickey, let them go to McDonald's (and pay for it themselves). Point out to them they are behaving like brats .

Do you think he could be taking drugs at these gigs to make him like this?

No definitely not!!! I can accuse him of many things, but not that. He's very anti drugs, just makes him even more of a goody two shoes. he wouldn't even try a cigarette he'd worry about his voice. He's just an arrogant arse hole to his mum.