Cannot stand one member of my group of friends

[TheEdgeIsNigh]

God I feel like such a diva writing this, as I'm 36, but I don't know what to do.
There's one girl in my group of mum-mates(she was a late-comer to the group as her child is younger-she went to school with another member of the group). I've never really warmed to her and so far I've tolerated her but I'm fed up of how down right opinionated, jealous and 2-faced she is! She'll argue that white is black and vice versa and, as far as she's concerned she's ALWAYS right... quite frankly, I'm too old for all that!
She's upset someone today(her original friend)already with her strong(and wrong!) opinion.
So my question is, do I just suck it up and smile sweetly through gritted teeth or is there a polite, mature way I can eliminate this woman from my life without alienating myself and my kids from mine and their group of wonderful, kind and supportive friends...?

I can't believe that some posters are suggesting getting together with the other group and then phasing this woman out!

OP, if you don't like her then just disengage, but don't take the advice of posters that sound like they're still about 12 and deliberately try to engineer others falling out with her!

God I love mumsnet!! Fortunately she only has one day a week off so it's rare that she meets up with us(ashamedly, I tend to make plans with the group for the day/s I know she can't do 😳 ) And she only tends to cone if her original friend(who she sucks up to in a cringeworthy way(I'm not the only person who's noticed this)) is going to be there.
Ugh friendship politics are impossible! I hate upsetting people and I like to be liked so I'm always nice to people even though inside I'm screaming 'shut the fucking fuck up!!'

I'm not saying "engineer others falling out with her". I'm saying to ask your friends' opinions.
You know, to have a conversation and discuss things like adults.
As I said, I found that all of us were making an effort to stay friends thinking that the rest of the group liked her, when she had done something "wrong" to each of us individually.

It is like that in groups, very rare to like everyone. Personally I would grit my teeth and just be polite. You don't have to meet her alone and you would alienate yourself from the group if you made it clear that you didn't like her.

You don't have to be nice. As I said, you don't owe anyone friendship.

It's very refreshing once you accept it :)

I understand where everyone's coming from with the "refuse to engage" line, but I can't relate to it. Then again I have an overactive empathy gland and a very low threshhold for considering something a bit mean, so it's probably me.

If it were me I'd honestly think so what, you're not a massive fan of the woman, who cares? You don't want to risk "alienating yourself and your kids from yours and their group of wonderful, kind and supportive friends", so why bother over someone who just grates like fingernails on a blackboard? She hasn't been actually done anything to you, she hasn't been mean or offensive, she's just not "your bag".

I advise just carry on enjoying all the wonderful benefits of this social group and perhaps just try not to be so emotionally involved with what you think of this woman. You don't have to love her but she's just being her annoying and in your face self, and that doesn't have to bother you if you don't let it.

Maybe she is jealous of you? Are you perfect?

My friends SIL was like this gob shite, obxinous and foul, she had no friends so clung to my friend. I distanced myself because I couldn't stand her she even caused me and my friend to fall out, lucky we are friends again and the rest of the group distanced themselves until my friend had enough of her and went NC she was completely toxic and trying to break friends marriage then stalked her abit afterwards!

Beyond I agree, you don't owe anyone your friendship, but if you expect to get something in return (i.e. all the benefits of this particular social group) sometimes it's the price you have to pay. So you can go one of two ways; make nice... or risk changing the dynamic of the group, which may start to feel quite uncomfortable if not hostile.

The question is is this woman bad enough to risk it? And does OP want to be that person?

My SIL is like this. Really abrasive and hard work. It's not worth challenging/arguing with her about anything, she doesn't want to change her personality or be thoughtful towards others.

I think meeting on the day she is at work is the best approach.

With SIL I am sure it boils down to insecurity but I'm not a counsellor, doormat or in any other way here to provide her with a service. So I see her as little as possible and grit my teeth.

I feel your pain.

So that's fine, just avoid her.