To think I should say something to these boys mums

[Bookeatingboy]

DS 8 just gone into YR4, tallest in the class and has always had a large group of friends but is very sensitive by nature, we are trying to help him with this at home. He's been quite subdued since the middle of last week and I finally got him to tell me why.

Last week he went to sit down to eat lunch and two of his (so called) friends said he couldn't sit down as they were saving the seat for someone else. DS said I'm allowed to sit where I like but they leaned over the seat to stop him. One boy then said to ds "I don't know why you were picked by your football team because you are the worst player in the school" and these boys started laughing. DS in typical fashion walked away rather than have a confrontation.

I'm sad for him since he's clearly been affected by this and one part of me is thinking just let it go and continue to help him stand up for himself but on the other hand I wouldn't like to think my children were treating their friends this way so I should speak with these boys mums.

Hi bookeatingboy Big kudos to you for listening to general census and taking it in board. That's exactly what AIBU MN post site is for ... To seek a range of views and help you clarify whether it's an issue or not, and what might help or what consequences might be.

You sound like a really caring Mum who wants to help if she can, and I'm sure that DS appreciates having such a kind mum who listens. Most of the time IME, DC just want you to listen, not take over & fight minor battles for them.(not that you were!) So- you are doing great!!

From my experience (my youngest of 3 is in year 4 now), that is our role. It involves hugs and letting them get it off their chest. It soooo is tempting to try to fix it, but I learnt early on, not to interfere unless it's a repeated problem that absolutely requires it, no matter what I'd like to do!! I'm really impressed you asked in AIBU and have taken head of a broader issue if you did choose to say anything (which you were only considering as an option) at this point.

I wish you all the best and think your son is very lucky to have a considered thoughtful mum like you x

*Taken heed
Auto incorrect, sorry x

Whereismumhiding2 Thanks you

No worries bookeatingboy, i meant every word xxx We mums have to stick together x I'm an older hat now, but i only survived cos ppl helped me early on x

There are brilliant books to help with this kind of thing like 'bullies, big mouths and so called friends' by jenny Alexander. I found role playing situations good because I could tell ds what I would say but that's pointless, they need to think of responses that suit them.

defineme thanks for the tip I ordered that book and it arrived today.

Further development, DS has come home every day this week and these three boys (won't use the term friends) have been continuing with excluding ds this week and yesterday when he went to sit down at the same table, the leader told him he couldn't sit there. DS asked why and was told "because you can't, we don't want you here"! One of the other boys backed the leader up by saying "yeah, you can't sit here"...

Ds sat down a few seats away from them, and they all started laughing, got up and sat elsewhere. DS was visible affected by this and said he didn't understand why they where treating him this way.

I know the advise given was not to go into school but given these further issues I feel I have no choice.

These boys have all been friends since pre school and yes they've had their spats, but this is on another level. DS has done nothing wrong, but these three boys now play for a "rival" football team and have been goading ds at every opportunity.

The answer then is for your DS to accept that they aren't friends anymore and sit elsewhere. If he doesn't approach them at all in the first place then they can't reject him. I would also try to enroll him into a few more activities afterschool that can help him build his social skills- volunteering, climbing, anything that he enjoys and that'll allow him to meet other kids