AIBU to hang up on my DM?

[allsfairinlove]

Last time I went round to see her, she kept going on at me for putting on weight (I am 5ft 3, and currently 9 1/2 stone) and how sad she was that I wasn't looking my best.

I was at first and ignored her but when she wouldn't stop telling me to lose a stone I lost my patience and told her if she didn't shut up about my weight I'd leave. And so I did.

That was about two weeks ago.

So she called me today and launched straight into a tirade about how she's only got my best interests at heart and that even if I just lost half a stone, I'd look so much better.

I just snapped and told her I was happy with the weight I was and at nearly forty years old, I didn't need this crap from her and hung up.

Later I texted to apologise for hanging up but did also say that that is what will happen everytime she has a go at me about my bloody weight.

I think the reason it bothers me so much is that actually I'm not really happy with my weight and am trying to lose a stone. But hearing my mum go on about it just makes me feel like going out and wolfing down the biggest burger. Immature I know, and I never do it but AIBU to want my mum to STFU about my weight and let me lose it in my own time?

YANBU. The very first thing out of my DM's mouth every time I see her, is a comment about my weight. Which is partly why I don't see her as often as I should. I think it's a reflection of her own hang ups and insecurities which have now passed to me.

Exactly. I'd see her more if she didn't keep banging on about my weight.

It's just that she is so convinced that she is doing her duty as a mother to tell me I'm too heavy that I start to doubt whether I'm being unfair to her.

Your BMI is comfortably in the healthy range. So she can fuck right off. YANBU.

I'll wish you luck with weightloss, but only because you want to do it.

YANBU at all! This is the approach I very much want to take with my own mother who seems to think it's acceptable to make rude and nasty comments about everyone's weight - whether you're too fat, too thin, she considers it her business and she makes it clear that she considers me a huge failure because my body isn't perfect in her eyes! But then she seems to have reached that age where she thinks she can say anything to anyone and get away with it. If you pull her up on her rudeness she gets passive aggressive and there's a huge drama!

I don't see her very often and tbh I'm putting off visiting because I can't be doing with the "looks" and comments all the time. It has crossed my mind that next time I visit, when she starts it, I'm going to say very calmly that no one visits a person to be insulted, so unless she stops making rude, personal remarks, I'll be leaving. She'll have a total strop but I'm sick of her being rude and nasty to people and thinking it's okay.

Good on you!

Good grief, no you are NOT being unfair to her. she is BU. I can't believe she has a problem with your weight. Your weight is within the range for your height. If you want to lose a stone it's up to you but by the sound of it, there is no reason to do so unless you feel uncomfortable with it. It is offensive, intrusive and unkind for your mother to make this the focus of any phone call to you. If you bring the subject up with her fair enough but you are not doing.

I would be very firm that your weight is NOT up for discussion and that you won't have any more comments about it. If she does start up make it clear that you will put the phone down.

I cannot imagine making comments about my adult dd's weight. If she spoke to me about it that's a different matter. But otherwise it totally isn't ok and it's nothing to do with anyone else.

My mother's anorexic and TOTALLY obsessed with my weight, and now the weight of my daughters... (My bmi is healthy and theirs is low, so she's clearly bonkers...) Knowing how vain she is, when she brings up my weight, (or the girls) I'm going to discuss her wrinkles, thinning hair and smokers' breath...