To think it's horse shit when people say they don't need to drive

[pleasemothermay1]

Until you need to meet up anywhere that's not on there doorstep that is

I well annoyed supposed to be meeting my friend who always says she dosent need to drive as she gets about fine

However trying to meet at at 12.45 to go swimming and the pool is to far for her to get there and back for the school run if she drove it would be a 15 minute drive I then suggested soft play near her house howeve the bus dosent run there is on a industrial estate And she would have to walk 35 minutes before she even got to the bus stop gurr

It's the same every time even if we're meeting up with out the kids in the evening unless she able to get a lift then she can't come

Out so you don't need to drive unless the place is not on yur frigging door step gurr rant over I can understand if you live in London but we live in the sticks

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Want2be hang on, I have kids and don't drive...It is not a necessity at all. People who drive think it's a necessity.

Perhaps there are reasons why she doesn't drive that she doesn't wish to share with you OP. Perhaps arrange an activity that she is able to attend if you wish to continue your friendship.

[MagikarpetRide]

I'm intrigued though, do all of you who don't drive have partners that do?

DH drives but as he's barely here the car is just a decoration on our drive and totally useless to get the DCs to clubs etc.

[rackhampearl]

No it's not horse shit at all. I drive and it's made me lazy. Parents don't drive and never have done. Walk everywhere or bus and they've got about just fine in their 60 years on Earth.

[Sadik]

I live in a rural area, and just off the top of my head I can think of 4 sets of friends who either don't drive entirely or don't own a car (slightly different as that set do rent a car for long trips). They all have dc and seem to get by just fine. One friend did say she was sad the Co-op had stopped doing home delivery because she preferred their own brand stuff to Tescos, but that's not really the end of the world, frankly, and plenty of people with cars do online shopping.

Re The List: I do drive, and own a much loved camper van, but I have never been to IKEA, always use my bike and trailer if I want to buy compost as the shop has crap parking, have never had the least inclination to rent a floor sander, don't do big shops as I go by bike on my way home from work, and never ever drive to a pub as I like to have a drink with my meal. I also own a good set of waterproofs and excellent bike lights.

I might as reasonably say how does anyone camp in the British climate without a van (indeed I often think this )

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Palomb that's a rather rude comment- yes, perhaps it is life limiting but some people can't drive for medical reasons and you've just referred to all adults that don't drive as ridiculous.

Ignorant comment. Just because someone's life choice (or not) doesn't fit with your ideal doesn't mean that they are wrong and you are right.

[LineyReborn]

There's no point driving in central-ish Newcastle anyway because there nowhere to park. It's quicker to walk/bus/metro, and cheaper to cab if there's more than one of you tbh.

I imagine the same's true of most cities (especially now people are getting fines for stopping outside schools on the yellow zig zags).

[LineyReborn]

Actually I've just thought that drivers end up suggesting, and are constrained by, places that have car parks.

[Spindelina]

Nodding along to what Trills is saying. I've never come across that Guatavo Petro quote before - I shall store it for later use!

I drive, DH doesn't, and we don't have a car. We've made an active choice to live somewhere (a small city) where that's possible. We've done that for several reasons, some green, but one of which is that it's an awful lot cheaper and easier to get a taxi every so often than it is to tax, insure, maintain and run a car.

DD's turning into my little sidekick transport nerd though :D

[emma6776]

I'm 37 and can't drive. I get around perfectly well and would probably be the size of a house if I did drive-walking keep me fit. DD (4) walks for up to 6 miles per day (with me/childminder) and is already super fit, unlike many of her friends that get lifts everywhere

[RunYouJuiceBitch]

MarcelineTheVampire

I missed that comment from Palomb. Yes, it was ignorant.

Palomb - I hope you never have to face losing your licence through no fault of your own like I did a couple of years ago. It can happen to anyone.

[emma6776]

I'm in Edinburgh - great bus service and super easy to get around without a car.

[rackhampearl]

Agreed Emma. DH's family looked down at my DM & DD when they discovered they don't have driving licenses when we were supposed to go for a family meal out of town. I said they'll get a bus so don't sweat it. Maybe not having a car is what keeps my parents so athletic and having a car maybe why your and DW are carrying a little extra weight. Bit bitchy but I was absolutely fuming at their suggestion that it somehow made my parents lesser people for not driving. I hate people who have a problem with non drivers. If I offer my Dad a lift to Tescos for his big shop he won't have it, he likes to walk. Getting in him in a car is a nightmare lol.

[TheGruffaloMother]

I think whether or not a person can manage without driving depends on both whether the public transport where they live is extensive and whether they often go to places with poor public transport links.

I live in an isolated village on the outskirts of a big city. There are 3 busses that come here, 2 of which have the same start and end points and largely similar routes. Busses often fail to arrive. There is no other travel option that isn't a car or taxi. The vast majority of people in employment here do drive. Those who don't drive severely limit themselves in terms of both social offerings and employment opportunities. There is barely anything at all for kids to do here and it's slim pickings on the bus routes too. I'm very selective over friends I keep here because more than once it's become obvious that my car was a big selling point for me.

So I suppose my point is that in some circumstances a car may well be completely unnecessary but the majority of the time, having one will provide a big step up in lifestyle.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

Wow.

I don't drive - I started to learn in my mid thirties and picked it up really quickly but then kind of plateaued so I stopped. I am not ridiculous or any of the other things on this thread.

I don't rely on lifts anywhere, I live close to a railway station/bus links and I don't have DC so I only have myself to worry about.

As for that list:

How does a person go to IKEA

This may be a little bit of a shock but I have never been to IKEA or anywhere similar and yet I have managed to survive without it.

buy 50L bag of compost

No garden - no issue

Hire floor sander for the weekend

No hardwood floors

do a big shop

There is a Tesco next to the train station, I buy food fresh as I need it

go for a meal in a rural pub

Why would I want to?

or go anywhere when its bucketing down?

Well it turns out that human beings don't actually melt when they get wet and trains/buses can also manage to function.

My kids have beavers, guides in the same night in different towns!

No kids

And no partner either and yet I still manage to get to places

[Vandree]

I am 35 with kids and I am waiting to sit my drivers test soon. Its taken me years of lessons to get to this stage and honestly I doubt I will pass first time. I was a passenger in 2 pretty serious car accidents so I am a very nervous learner. I also had a useless instructor that totally put me off driving and with who I learned nothing so it took a few years and a brilliant instructor to get to this far. I find it very hard to navigate my positioning on the road. We live in a suburb close to a major city so never needed to drive. Bus into city centre was 20 minutes, 5 minutes on bus to shopping centre and cinema or 10 minutes the other way to library and playgrounds. Schools and village shops are 10 minutes walk away and other than when its pissing rain no bother at all. I have never needed lifts anywhere other than when I was heavily pregnant and had spd so couldn't drive anyway. Shopping delivered online or thrown under the buggy. My kids walk in all weather and get lots of exercise. After school clubs are either in the school or a few minutes walk away.

Its only really now that it would be nice to be able to drop the kids to parties in hard to reach places but its not necessary. DH does drive but he is never here midweek so it doesn't make a difference. I haven't needed to depend on other people either. Its cost a lot of money in lessons, insurance, test fees. We recently changed to an automatic MPV and while its lovely its a huge monster to navigate the roads with and get parking with. I dream of getting a little small car just for me and the kids and keeping the MPV for when we are out with dh. I get jealous of the mums at school in the little micras. I find an automatic so much easier to learn to drive in.

[Spindelina]

Oh, forgot to say...

We have a policy of mostly not accepting lifts. Not owning a car through choice (rather than because you can't afford it or you can't drive for medical reasons) is for us a green thing (which is pointless if you just rely on others to drive) and a convenience thing (which is unfair if it only remains convenient by other people helping out) and an economic thing (unfair if others are paying).

[MumiTravels]

I only learnt to drive when I moved out to the countryside as the bus service didn't start early enough or finish late enough to get me to work and back. I don't use my car so much day to day as the shops, doctors, playgroup etc are walking distance.

I do bloody love ikea though

[bumsexatthebingo]

If meeting up with you at swimming/soft plays was that important to her she would learn to drive. It clearly isn't so she doesn't need to drive.

[Sandyfeet101]

I really hate this scathing attitude towards people who don't/can't drive. The implication from some seems to be that they are lazy, a burden on others and even inferior parents! (Well, not driving is fine when you're childless, but once you have kids...)
I would bloody love to drive. I've spent a small fortune on lessons, passed my theory first time but failed two tests.
I walk or get public transport and never ask for lifts. On the contrary, I often turn down offers (politely) from family members and colleagues pointing out that it's only a 20 minute walk or whatever. I find many drivers are horrified at the thought of having to walk more than 5 minutes.
I bet many non-drivers who say 'oh I don't need to drive' are really too embarrassed to tell you they have tried and failed.

[DeloresJaneUmbridge]

Yep YABU as it depends where you live. In London you really don't need to drive.

[Hmmnotkeen]

People who think you need to drive are infuriating. If I had concerns about something I couldn't do, I'd learn to drive. Given that I don't, its not really an issue.

[DangerousBeanz]

I live at the top of a big hill in the arse end of no where. I grew up on the top of a similar hill that was even more remote, I learned to drive at 17 and would have been totally stuck without a car, no car = no means of getting to work.
If I'd lived in a city or in fact anywhere with good transport I probably wouldn't have bothered driving. Like pp have said , it's all a matter of location and lifestyle. Although I do remember getting really wound up on one occasion when I met up with some non driving friends in town, they proceeded to drink themselves into oblivion and then announce they'd spent their taxi fare so would I drive them home, they lived in the opposite direction from me.

[TaterTots]

I tried to learn to drive for nearly a year and hated it. I have zero aptitude for it and found it massively stressful. (I also had more than one crappy instructor, but am under no illusions around my own lack of ability.) Giving up the lessons felt great and I've never regretted it. Obviously if I had a deep desire to live in ye olde country village I'd have to rethink, but I'm definitely a city lover, so it isn't an issue. In fact living where I do and working in a part of London with zero parking, a car would be a positive burden.

P.S. Whoever said 'without a car you can't get to IKEA!' - that's the best advert for not driving I've ever heard.

[MrsMook]

I think it's all about where you live, what's on the doorstep and transport connections elsewhere.

I didn't rush to learn to drive, but lived near the centre of a mid-sized town so many things were in walking distance, there were frequent buses passing by the bus stop next-door-but-one and within 10 minutes of the train station with frequent trains connecting to nearby cities. In that situation, lack of ownership of a car is little hinderence.

Could I live without a car in my current suburb? I have some community facilities within a 10 minute walk, but really only the city centre is accessible by bus. Trying to get to any other part of the city would take an hour minimum. Decent supermarkets instead of the overpriced local one become inaccessible (Due to dietry needs, I can't buy bread and "milk" in the same supermaket and the one I can buy bread in doesn't do deliveries). Employment opportunities become much more restricted. I couldn't manage childcare drop offs and travel to work. Not driving would be somewhat restrictive leaving many places inaccessible or very time consuming to get to.

Comparing two friends with children who don't drive, the one who lives in a well connected small town misses out on far less than the one who lives in a nice but dozy suburb. Neither can have lifts due to car seats and space for multiple children.

It's alternative infrastructure (or lack of) that's the main problem.

[TheNaze73]

Bit of a sweeping statement OP. If you live in town, especially north of the river, you don't need to.