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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get my dh a how-to-parent book for his bday?

13 replies

Cigna · 14/09/2016 13:37

Backstory: we have been together 10 years. Now we have 3 kids. Husband has always struggled with being patient around the kids. While I also find it very challenging at times to combine a ft job with a family, most of the time I manage to keep my patience even if the kids (eldest are 7 and 5) are difficult. We now have a newborn and since he is born, things are getting worse. It is not that dh is having no sleep, as I am doing the night feeds and changing. In fact, he has just been at home for 7 weeks but managed to sleep everyday until 9 or 10. When the kids act out (ie don't want to do what he's asking, or fight amongst themselves) he very quickly loses his patience. He then will either give them a slap or walks away completely frustrated. I have warned them that if he continues slapping them, I will walk out and I mean that. This weekend we all went out and several times he got completely upset with the kids when they acted out. He feels it as a personal insult (why am I taking them to somewhere nice if they cannot behave? Everybody was looking at me). Again, I'm not saying that I always manage to stay cool, but I think he was unreasonable. In my opinion, you cannot expect a 5-year old to be thankful and well-behaved all day. Anyway, sorry for the novel, but can I get him a parenting guide for his bday and do you have recommendations?

OP posts:

PotOfYoghurt · 14/09/2016 13:38

He gives them a slap? And you're letting him continue to do it?

lotusbiscuit · 14/09/2016 13:41

He needs more than a parenting book, your poor kids. What do you do when he hits them?

MLGs · 14/09/2016 13:43

If he continues?

The first slap and I would walk out.

And don't get me started on why have you done the night shifts if he is not even working.

mouldycheesefan · 14/09/2016 13:46

Not a parenting book no, it's gone way past that.
Why the hell do women continue to have more and more kids with hopeless men? Drives me mad! " he is awful but we have 3 kids" ffs.
Ring nspcc for help with the slapping.
Or leave him, he sounds dreadful. However he may then have the kids n his own and the slapping will continue or get worse which is why you need help, so that he can only see them at a contact centre.
Do not have more kids with him.

Cheerybigbottom · 14/09/2016 13:46

A parenting book is not a good birthday present unless it's been requested.

Slapping kids is abhorrent and doing all the parenting to keep him sweet is not working for you.

You should speak to someone at a children's centre about a parenting course for your husband. Then tell your husband every slap he gives out will be returned doubly in full force from you.

Topseyt · 14/09/2016 13:47

You have told them that you will walk out. Have you told him?

He sounds like an arse.

onecurrantbun1 · 14/09/2016 13:54

I was preparing to tell you YABU as it's passive aggressive thing to do to a poor dad who's struggling

As it is he is an abusive bully, and a lazy one at that, and I can't countenance still liking / fancying such an arsehole - why would you want to stay married?!

"Been at home for 7 weeks" - please tell me this man isn't a teacher

onecurrantbun1 · 14/09/2016 13:58

God reading that back I sound really sanctimonious. But, if he has been unwilling to change thus far why would he read a book, much less heed it?

wiltingfast · 14/09/2016 14:03

Agree re a parenting course. He is probably unlikely to read a book he doesn't want.

We did a course as our first was prone to seriously epic tantrums & had speech delay and frankly, we weren't managing him v well. It's based on The Incredible Years. I think it is very well regarded. There is a book but it's very dense and works better in conjunction with a course. It really worked for us.

But of course, he would need to want to do it.

FireSquirrel · 14/09/2016 14:16

He then will either give them a slap or walks away completely frustrated. I have warned them that if he continues slapping them, I will walk out and I mean that.

Wait, you warned THEM that you would leave if he carries on? Your children? At first I thought you'd told your dh you would leave, not your kids. That's an awfully big burden to put on them, they're probably now terrified that their family is hoing to split up and may well interpret it as being their fault, that it's their behaviour causing daddy to get angry. I hope it's a typo and you meant you warned your DH that you would leave if he carried on, but even then it obviously didn't have much effect if he's still doing it.

A book isn't going to help, he's had years to get the hang of parenting yet it sounds like he's getting worse not better. Please leave him!

SheldonsSpot · 14/09/2016 14:20

You'd be better off spending the money on yourself to figure out why you've not only continued a relationship, but thought it was a good idea to go on and have another child with a man who thinks its ok to slap his kids about.

EdmundCleverClogs · 14/09/2016 14:27

Apologies if wrong - have you posted before about him, how he has given up on his other kids and is an abusive arse (who somehow works with kids)?

Either way, you're a fool to have more children with this man. As others say, this has gone beyond reading material .

Katinkka · 14/09/2016 15:50

Ffs. Fed up of these posts. OP have the integrity to stand by what you say and protect your children. Stop screwing him and having more kids.

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