To think partner shouldn't be going on hols with friends summer after baby is born?

[pinkglasgow23]

My boyfriend and I are due our first baby in January, it was unplanned and a big shock for us both. He's come to terms with it and is looking forward to being a dad but I think hes also worried about losing his freedom etc which is normal.

Anyway, he keeps talking about how him and his friends were discussing holidays to Croatia/Ibiza next summer. At first i didnt take much notice because I thought it was just talk but now he talks about it more and more? First of all, there's no way he can afford all these, not with a new baby! Secondly, my mum and extended family have booked a nice house for a week down south next July and invited us to come too, but hes complaining about how he only gets so many holidays a year etc etc (in other words he's not coming.)

AIBU to think that going away with friends for week at a time just after his baby is born shouldn't be a priority? I imagine he would rather go on a party holiday with friends than a low key family holiday, but it would be with his new son/me so should that not take priority?

Sorry for the rambling and thanks in advance!!

I agree with previous posters that if he's not willing to step up and take care of his child so you can have a night or two away he shouldn't be planning a week long trip. In that case, I might say that I'd be happy for him to have as many nights away as I had had I.e. If you've had a couple of spa weekends before his clubbing trip he can go. That said you may find one or both of you doesn't fancy being away. My DD is a year and I've hardly left her and don't mind - not the sort of parent I thought I'd be tbh

Curly we've traveled a lot since DD was born. We prioritise travel over gadgets, new cars etc. As long as we don't get invited to too many weddings (bloody expensive ime) we can afford a budget airline and a bit of self catering a few times a year. It's not as expensive as many people think if you don't mind going off the beaten track a bit. We had a week in Morocco for about £400 Inc flights while the hotel for my friend's wedding was £135 / night

Could you perhaps compromise and go away alone as a family?

I do have some sympathy for him. If it's all come as a bit of a surprise and he's struggling with it and looking at this holiday as badge he still has some independence I think the worst thing you can do is push this holiday with your mother. I mean, how many people would prefer a week with the in laws to Ibiza?

Look for something in the middle ground.

Is he quite young ? I'm asking because if it would have been his first holiday abroad with friends then I can understand him still wanting to go however if he's in his twenties and has been going every year then I'm sure he can bite the bullet and miss out for a year.

One thing you need to do is set expectations. Tell him he can go if you have the spare money but you would expect the same in return, nights out, maybe a weekend away with some friends ? The fact that he said but YOU will have the baby worries me. You will both have a baby.

Your baby isn't here yet, you or he may feel differently when the baby arrives. Wait and see how you both feel once the time comes!

Nothing wrong with him going away, just In the Same way if you wish to go away with friends there is nothing wrong with that either.

Thanks for all the replies! To answer a couple of questions, he's 27 and has been going away every year with his friends , which of course up until now I didn't have a problem with as I had also been going away with mine! About the "you'll have the baby" comment, it does feel very much sometimes like it would be me doing most of the work with LO when he arrives (which is a bit unfair) I think that a conversation about me going away for a weekend with friends as a compromise to his holiday would work best! To be honest I'd much rather a holiday with just the three of us but not sure if that would be at the top of his priority list

Pink: so don't you normally go on holiday together then?

To the people saying that having money for travelling opportunities is just a matter of making sacrifices elsewhere, you need to have another think. Some families simply aren't as well off as you, and THEIR sacrifices would have to be basics like food and heating and new shoes for the kids. I am not in that position myself anymore and we now have the money to prioritise spending on holidays over meals out/alcohol/cinema trips etc as I also enjoy travelling as you do, but I do remember what it's like to be a SAHM in a family where the overdraft keeps on increasing every month no matter how many luxuries you go without and no matter how many cheap meals you cook. It's very short sighted to assume that all families are in the fortunate position of being able to spend money on holidays. I feel very fortunate indeed.

You say you can't afford it with a new baby. Is this because you will be on maternity leave and not earning or because you anticipate the baby will cost a lot?

Actually babies don't have to be that expensive and it is really easy to get all the hardware you need (crib etc) second hand from eBay or gumtree or elsewhere. In fact there is so much in good condition about that it's crazy to buy new. Things like clothes and bedding are very cheap from supermarkets/Primark etc and if you breastfeed it's free to feed them at first.