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AIBU?

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Original poster

OK, need some HONEST input.. am I a wanker? surely not all my friends can be, can they?

36 replies

FatFikAndFugly · 03/02/2007 14:16

it must be me, right?

As you all know and I'm sure you're bored to death with.. I have no end of trouble with one group of long term girlfriend just theire demands and selfishness etc

So anyway, going out tonight with another friend unrelated to the group. Last night (I think) she tried to put me off wearing a dress. anyway skip to today..

... I text to say "I'm gonna drive" she calls me back to say actually she's going to drive and was just about to text me but asks if I can get to her house (that would mean me driving hoem later so not been able to drink) I said not really or I might as well drive and pick her up. so she's gonna pick me up at x time. Fine but then she says she needs to leave at y time to get home - fine.. but that she can't drop me at home?!?!? so I will either have to drive back from hers or get a cab from hers home (a good 10 miles so a fair price in a can £15 maybe). So I'm wandering why I she doesn't want me to drive as I would have picked her up and, of course, dropped her off (I always thought it goes without saying that drive people home if you say you're driving). Anyway so I say well if you have to go at a certain time I might sort my own way home (I'll come back to this bit). She says he doesn't want to walk back to her car late at night on her own - fair point I guess.

So basically, I've got to be picked up when she says, leave the club when she says (already pre-empting that she's got a headache so guess we'll have to leave earlier if she not enjoying it under that pretence anyway). Then find my own way home from her place.

I kind of feel like she doesn't really give a fuck about me. As long as I'm there to walk her to her car when she wants to leave, bugger what I want or how I'm getting home.

So coming back to finding my own way home... dp is going out in the same town but to a different place, theoretically I could go find them when she wants to leave and get a cab back with them, would cost me nothing as dp would pay and wouldn't mean I have to go home early on a rare night out.. but I can't because I would never let any friend walk to anywhere in a town centre on their own late at night.

I'm sorry I jsut needed to get that off chest before I end up ranting in RL. I have a touch of PMT but sometimes I just think every single one of my friends always puts themselves first and I end up making sacrifices to keep them all happy.

So now you may all tell me that I am being unreasonable.

PS. sorry it's long (but I feel better for it!)

OP posts:
Original poster
FatFikAndFugly · 03/02/2007 14:18

god just read that back and sound really petty

OP posts:
wotzsaname · 03/02/2007 14:23

wow arent friends demanding these days. i would get a good dvd a bottle of wine, huge box of chocolates, and enjoy my comfy sofa.

if you do go i hope you get some fun.

TheEmeraldCityTourGuide · 03/02/2007 14:25

I'd just text her and say you'll meet her there.
Her plans sound like a full scale military operation!

Tommy · 03/02/2007 14:28

agree with emerald city - it all sounds like a bit of a faff tbh

Original poster
FatFikAndFugly · 03/02/2007 14:28

The thing is we are going to meet a work colleague of mine that she wants to set up with her work colleagues sister I just want to go out

The thing that's getting me most is, we she just didn't let me drive, pick her up and drop her off..?!? it's not like I'd say "no we can't go home yet" when I know she needs to get back for babysitter.

AAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
Original poster
FatFikAndFugly · 03/02/2007 16:51

have had time to calm down and now I'm kind of in a 'fuck it' mood. Will go out and do what they want then get a cab home alone from her house at the end of night but I'm not going to bend over backwards for her ever again. I can't believe she said she couldn't drop me home - why the f*ck not?!?!?

OP posts:
PeckaRolloverAgain · 03/02/2007 16:53

I would do whatever you can to meet your DP and stay out - sounds like up until that point with this friend will be a bit of a crap night out anyway, may as well stay out and enjoy the end bit with your DP!

mum24boyz · 04/02/2007 16:23

sorry, butting in but i would say fk her and go out with the lads, i think it would be much more fun lol, is there no way dp could meet you from the club say you texted him or something, so your not walking back from town on your own, sounds like a lot of hassle to me too, and i wonder why i dont have a life lol.

mum24boyz · 04/02/2007 16:24

totally irrelevant now i know as have just looked again and it was last night lol, hope you had a good night anyway.

LittleBoSheep · 04/02/2007 16:28

Are you sure you arent a crap driver - perhaps shes too scared to go with you and too polite to say so.

Or shes a control freak who wants to say when you go out and when you leave or maybe you are more of a party animal than you and she things she will want to go home before you.

catsmother · 04/02/2007 16:32

Ask her why she can't drop you home.

After all, if you have ensured she's got home safely (and hasn't had to pay for a cab) in the past, you have every right to know why she can't return the favour.

She does sound like a very selfish "friend".

ItsMeMellowma · 04/02/2007 17:03

How did it go??

Original poster
FatFikAndFugly · 04/02/2007 17:44

It was fine.

I was so wound up I texted her in the end and said something along the lines of "I don't know why you won't let me drive, then neither of us have to get a cab home"
This ended up in a long conversation and in the end I drove. a good time was had by all.

What a bloody hassle. Maybe I just lead an over simplistic lifee, I don't understand how whenever I am going out with any group of girlfriends it turns into "Operation X". What's wrong with "everybody meet here at x time, text if you're arriving late and we'll let you know where we are" or "I'm driving pick from X at y time"

That said had a really relaxing time, atmosphere in the club was lovely (felt like I was on holiday). Then I had a almost unheard of lie in (woke naturally at 11am) then went shopping for my friends new baby (excuse to buy a number of lovely gifts for her, her dd and new ds).. then went and had a massively long cuddle with said new baby. Now feel slightly emotional and broody.

And to cap of a perfect day dp has taken dd out while I cook a roast that we will sit down to eat together.... I've had a very lovely day

OP posts:
Aloha · 04/02/2007 17:57

I think you need to stop thinking about what your friends will 'let' you do and be more assertive ie

'Oh that sounds great. I'm driving so can pick you up or meet you there'
'Oh no, I will drive so you can drive to mine and blah blah blah'
'That's fine, you can drive and I can drive. I'll meet you there'
'Why drive when I can drive you there blah blah'
'I want to drive. I like driving. I'll meet you there, Ok?'

ItsMeMellowma · 04/02/2007 18:01

Did you wear you dress?? Sounds like you had a great time..

kickassangel · 04/02/2007 18:03

hm, i know what you mean. don't understand people who can't go out without making loads of calls/texts. it's simple - time, place, turn up!
i don't think it's them being selfish, they just seem to enjoy all the cufuffle, it's part of the fun!

Original poster
FatFikAndFugly · 05/02/2007 09:29

Hi Mellowma, yes wore the dress.. and felt really good, really relaxed.

I ended up going for a retro look.. I wore it with footless tights and round toed heels (silver with a small kahki polka dot) and a big chunky bracelet half way up my forearm. Wore my hair straight with really fresh looking make up. Got some nice coy smiles from guys as well which was really flattering

Thanks guys.

OP posts:
Kbear · 05/02/2007 09:34

Your friends sound like hard work. The reason I now have just three good mates I go out with is that they make a plan and stick to it, no one fusses, no one blows out at the last might (unless sick child), no one is a prima donna, everyone considers everyone else, we all get home safe nicely drunk and all is well. If your friends aren't "friends" dump them.

lizziemun · 05/02/2007 10:00

Perhaps next time you drive, pick her up then tell her that you can't take her home so she can see how unreasonable she is being.

I would never dream of picking up a friend for a night out be it male or female and not take them home. In fact when i drop someone home late at night i always make sure that they are in their front door before driving away for my own piece of mind that they have got home safely.

I'm glad you had a good night.

Twiglett · 05/02/2007 10:03

you go out? ... at night?

Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 10:06

god Twig it sounds like far too much hassle

makes a night in with CSI sound even better if that were possible

Twiglett · 05/02/2007 10:07

the thing about going out .. at night .. is

.. you have to leave your couch behind

.. I like my couch

.. we have a rather symbiotic relationship

LowFatMilkshake · 05/02/2007 10:09

I'm with Wotzsaname!

DVD, Baileys (not a wine person) chocs. Kids in bed, DH out.....hooray, with that set-up who'd want to go out!

Effort getting ready, cold night air, selfish mates...

Nah, I think I'd spend the night woth my sofa!

But FWIW I dont think you're being petty!

LowFatMilkshake · 05/02/2007 10:09

X-posts, also with Twig and Cappacino

Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 10:10

you know your couch will never ask you to go home on your own

it will never ask you to leave at a prescribed time

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