DD wants to contact her estranged sister, Aibu to ask for help

[WarholsLittleQueen]

My DD is 9. She has an older sister who is 20, my exH's DD.

ExDH hasn't seen her for about ten years, as she didn't want to see him when him and her mum split up. I never met her myself until about 3 years ago when she found me online and she started messaging me. We then met up a few times.

After we had been talking for a while I asked her if she wanted to meet DD, and she did but she was very adamant she didn't want her dad involved. So just the 3 of us met up a few times. Although it was awkward at times we got on well and the girls really liked each other. Then we had a falling out. It was my fault, I got in the middle of an argument between her and her dad which I shouldn't have got involved in. she said she never wanted to speak to me again and due to the fragility of all the relationships involved I took her word for it and have completely stayed away. She knew how to contact me so i figured if she wanted to then she would, but she never did. I do know that She has a 1 year old baby girl of her own now.

My DD is now asking about her older sister a lot and saying she wants to get in touch again. I just don't know what to do, I am not sure it's a good idea as I don't want her to feel awful if her sister rejects her, I think it could be really damaging.

I also have no way of contacting her other than finding her on Facebook / Instagram. I don't even know where she lives. And I also don't think she'd take kindly to hearing from me because of how things were when we last spoke. I also of course don't want to upset her and disrupt her life.

I just don't know what to for the best.

Help!

Any reply?

Nope nothing I'm afraid...I am hoping its just that she hasn't logged in. :(

Thanks for asking x

Thats a shame least you are trying could you just request her on Facebook she might tell you to piss off but least you are trying

I wondered that Iffit (I don't know how instagram works TBH, I cant tell if the message has been read

I think if I don't get a reply, I will try FB requesting her, but I will leave it a few months as don't want to hound her if she has read it, but just doesn't want to reply.

Ive no clue how instagram works either yes if you feel its best just leave it for now such a shame that there was the fallout families eh

It's a bit late now as you've sent your first contact, but I cannot emphasize enough how important your own apology is.

You took sides against her, and by doing so, you would have appeared to support every wrong this man ever did her or her mother. Which by the sounds of it would have been a lot now. Can you say that you were naive and hadn't understood what kind of man you were dealing with, and that you've since worked out how horrible it must have been for her (and her mother), and that you know better now?

It will have seemed desperately unfair and a betrayal of sorts. Remember she was a teenager then as well.

With age she may have realized you were labouring under a misapprehension and may be more open to hearing from you. But you have to give her a reason.

You can message on Facebook if you are not a friend. It doesn't go to an others folder anymore. It pops up and says something like, accept message from abc.

I'm not quite sure how to word this, but i'd be careful if you did regain contact that you and your DD weren't tiptoeing around her and watching what you say for fear of offending her and her cutting contact again. It's just how you said you were sticking up for your DH when she slagged him off, and she didn't like it and cut you off. I don't think that you did anything wrong there.

Sorry I now see he is your xH, go maybe defending him doesn't matter.

Only just noticed these other replies!

Thank you

Still no reply.

Re defending her dad, I can't say what it was about, because it's quite outing. Whatever she (and I) thinks of her dad, she did and said something extremely out of order. However I realise I still shouldn't have got involved

Only just noticed these other replies!

Thank you

Still no reply.

Re defending her dad, I can't say what it was about, because it's quite outing. Whatever she (and I) thinks of her dad, she did and said something extremely out of order. However I realise I still shouldn't have got involved