To not go to see dds teacher over this?

[OddSocksandMuddyWellies]

Dd is very sensitive and doesn't take criticism well. She prefers a gentle approach to discipline and is genuinely a lovely child so I very rarely have to tell her off.
One problem she does have is time keeping and she needs a rocket up her backside at times.
Today she came out if school very upset. She had been given a task at school and when she went to her table she was unsure of what to do and can be nervous putting her hand up so she just sat there for 15 minutes and did no work.
Teacher came over and shouted at her and dd burst out crying and just said she was unsure of her work and the teacher continued to shout and called her lazy.
My mum was there when she told us and thinks I should go and speak to the teacher because she thinks calling dd lazy will knock her confidence. I personally think that she may not have worded it very nicely but surely not a reason to go into the school?
The only thing I wasn't happy about was that dd was later awarded a team point for 'stopping making a fuss about being told off' and I think that was a bit odd but aibu to tell my mum she's being too protective?

No, do not go in.
.
The teacher has no clue on how to teach. In my opinion!
Teacher has a hmm attitude which really needs to be kept in check.

Recruitment problem?
Never, when there are candidates like this to show them how it is done.

Calling a child lazy is an attitude that doesn't belong in the classroom. Not in 2016, so yeah, that needs put right. You don't need to be a teacher to see that.

Cory perhaps that is true, but 99 times out of a hundred when I've questioned my kids the story slowly changes till you get to the point where the teacher didn't actually tell them off for no reason whatsoever, and they didn't actually call them lazy but might have asked them if sitting doing nothing for 15 minutes was the right thing to do and perhaps they could have asked and done some work and maybe people might think sitting for 15 minutes doing nothing and not asking is a bit lazy.

If you accept everything at 100% face value and go tearing into school every time you going to spend your life embarrassed and you're going to be in a world full of shite come secondary when your kids wrap you round their fingers and you're picking them up from the police station on a Friday night.

Calling a child lazy is an attitude that doesn't belong in the classroom. Not in 2016, so yeah, that needs put right. You don't need to be a teacher to see that.

But there's no evidence that that is what actually happened.

There is evidence, the child's account is evidence. Unless you only count the teacher's word as worth anything?

Good god, don't go up to the school. To sit for 15 minutes is lazy.

The teacher, presumably, has more than just your daughter to teach and a syllabus to get through so your DD needs to speak up for herself.

I have to say I'd also wonder why she was so clueless about the task that she couldn't attempt anything ... I'd imagine the teacher had explained it thoroughly once, then summarised , then answered questions from those who weren't listening/didn't get it. And still OP's DD is not even in a position to make any sort of effort?

I'm afraid that as a teacher I would be annoyed at this too. I explain any tasks thoroughly, ask a random pupil to explain their understanding of the task back to me and discuss what a successful result would look like (or success criteria). I would then invite questions/ask for a show of thumbs so as to see that everyone understood the task. Therefore I would be pretty annoyed that a pupil not only hadn't taken the opportunity to ask earlier, but sat there passively doing nothing until I had noticed.
If, and I do mean if, she was called lazy (rather than her behaviour) I wouldn't be particularly impressed but I would ask the teacher how to help support her self-esteem at home.

It is lazy though

Did the teacher actually call her lazy or did she was behaving in a lazy way? I wouldn't be going in to school about this, that's way OTT. If I felt the need to discuss it with the teacher I would ring to talk to her.

Congratulations OP on being a realistic mother who accepts her perfect offspring can have less than perfect traits. As a teacher I wish there were more like you. If you want to set up a meeting that's fine but if you're not worried about it don't. Or request a phone all with the teacher instead just to find out more about what happened if your daughter is still upset in the morning. It may not even be that the teacher called her lazy, she may have said something like it was lazy behaviour but if your daughter is upset it is worth making the teacher aware because they are going to be spending a whole year together and if their relationship breaks down at this stage it's going to be a long year for everyone.

It is lazy though

It may have been. Or it may have been as the DD said, she was unsure of the work and nervous about putting her hand up. Or it could have been a child like my son who was so confused by a previous teacher's 'rules' that he didn't know what to do to avoid being shouted at. We don't know. Nor does OP, Which Is why she would be entitled to speak to the teacher to clarify what actually happened.

I don't have kids but something about this resonates with me and I wanted to share. Too often people will label a child lazy (or another name) without actually considering what may be going on in the child's head.

When I was your daughter's age, I was a sensitive child and rather shy. I could do a lot of the work at school, BUT, if I missed a point about something, or didn't understand an instruction or a bit of a process then I could and did easily end up in a similar situation to your DD.

The way I'd end up in that situation is this: I'd miss the bit of information or not understand something. I'd then have to do some work/a task but I would be unsure of how to do it. I was scared to put my hand up and ask a) in case I got into trouble for not understanding the first time and b) in case the other kids laughed at me because I didn't understand it. I'd then sit there getting paralysed in my own head! Then as time went on I'd be MORE scared to ask for help in case of a) and b) above and now also c) because I've taken so long to ask for help, everyone is already miles ahead and I'll get into more trouble for waiting.

Do you see? To you and me as adults it's simple - you need something explained, need help with something, or need clarification on something, so you ask. But to a child, particularly one who is a little bit sensitive and/or shy, something that simple can quickly become something huge to where they're simply overwhelmed with the situation.

I'd suggest that she needs encouragement so she knows it's okay to ask for help and she will NEVER be shouted at or made to feel silly for asking questions. It's paralysing to feel you can't ask for help at school. Chances are once she overcomes her nervousness and anxiety about certain things, she'll fly!

And if it's any reassurance - I now have a very successful career, it was never a real learning problem, just anxiety that would build because I was scared to ask for help when I needed it.

I just wanted to share because sometimes it's hard to understand from the child's perspective... but I WAS that child.

alfa I was very similar. I had one teacher who would say "well everyone else understood, why didn't you?" If anyone asked her to explain something a second time so of course people didn't ask for a second explanation. For years my school report would say "spends too much time looking out the window" yeah, I wonder why??

Thanks for sharing alfa and jen. I have spoken to her about putting her hand up and asking and I think if anything the teacher had made her less likely to want to do so if she's being called lazy and shouting at her. Hoping it doesn't make dd more nervous about school. Will hold off for now as it was a one off but will be keeping a close eye on how she gets on over the next few weeks as she can get quite anxious about stuff like this.

Did the teacher definitely say "you are lazy", rather than "that is very lazy of you" or similar? I would find that surprising, and it's very much the opposite of the way teachers are trained and expected to speak to children.

If it's just a teacher being a bit too strict and shouty at a child on occasion... Well, it's not great, but, I think that that's just part of life - our actions some times make people cross, and we shouldn't necessarily shelter our children from it, as hard as that might be. But if a teacher is telling children "you are lazy/stupid/whatever, then someone needs to flag that up, because it is the kind of thing that makes children feel negatively toward school and learning, so could have really negative consequences down the line.

Yeah if the teacher isn't very approachable then it's not going to help if your DD has some anxiety about asking for help. There were teachers at my school who were so vile and unapproachable, I'd have rather cut my arm off than raise it to ask a question. That's going back a long time mind you but still... I remember vividly how it felt.

It does sound like a little bit of anxiety, bless her; I hope the teacher/school encourage her and help build her confidence. I suspect she got more upset because she was frustrated at being labelled lazy when actually, she probably felt trapped, anxious and unable to do the work. I hope she gets on okay! xx

I don't think it unreasonable for her to speak to the teacher, but equally I don't think it is unreasonable for a teacher to say to a child, "Don't be lazy." If we proceed to ban certain (fairly standard) judgements, insisting that a child can never be told they are being lazy or naughty or sulking, we're going to end up with a generation of adults who have never been taught that these are undesirable qualities. I favour just telling them straight.